Ordinary Community

moving sale, everything must go

2010-01-11T04:38:00.002-05:00

well, its not that dramatic, but I will be moving my blog to a new hosting site thanks to my friend, Paul McGillivary. Once that's up, maybe this week, blogging will commence. Really looking forward to reconnecting with y'all again via this medium.

peace,

back in the saddle again?

2010-01-07T05:45:00.002-05:00

the internal tides are shifting, I've left blogging for quite some time and I miss it badly. If you are still out there, stay tuned, I am coming back and anxiously look forward to connecting again around topics that matter.

peace to you my friends,
Chris

peace be within you

2009-02-27T09:20:00.004-05:00

This was the Psalm reading for today's Celtic Daily Prayer
Psalm 122:8 -

8 For the sake of my brothers and friends,
I will say, "Peace be within you."

Immediately I thought of those around me that are suffering, have suffered, going through trials etc. Part of the sickness of being a leader is that I wish I could take these things away by some leadership act, but I cannot. Instead, the only action that I have to take is to say and pray into my loved ones, "peace be within you".

Lent is a season to reflect upon suffering for it has great transformation powers. Don't run from suffering, rather, walk through it in the power of the One who made you. On the other side of that transformation you will be closer to the human-creation you were always meant to be. In Community, our suffering is never alone.

So in solidarity with those who are suffering, I pray peace within you:
-my wife and her healing ankle
-Amy and Micah Palmer for the loss of Mark
-Renee, Colon and Aidan Canipe for the loss of Chad
-Rob, Becky, Sydney, Paige, Ty and Colt for the loss of Kate
-Reg and his brain tumors, including his son Trevor's ailments
-Amy Matalka and her ongoing fight with cancer
-My grandmother's loss of her self to alzheimers
-Cheryl's ongoing fight with cancer and other ailments
-a friend I've lost
-marriages of loved ones
-those in unemployment
-the persecuted around the world
-the poor and hungry

peace,

2009-02-25T08:05:00.002-05:00

This is the New Testament passage from Celtic Daily Prayer today and it just really struck me:

1 Corinthians 2
1When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.[a] 2For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. 4My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, 5so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

Wisdom From the Spirit
6We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 8None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him"— 10but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.[c] 14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:
16"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.

I got really worked up last night listening to Obama's speech. I have respect for his class and integrity, but his words and ideas are just full of foolishness to me and that shouldn't surprise me. The depths of God's thoughts and wisdom will not be found in places of high power amongst the rulers of this world, they are often found in the quiet, poor and lonely places on earth. It is in these places where the portals to the eternal kingdom are found. That's the channel I want to tune into today.

Particularly today being Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Lent season, it is appropriate to remember that there is humility in knowing that we didn't bring ourselves into being. From dust we were born and created, and to dust we someday will return.

Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,

God of now

2009-02-17T22:18:00.004-05:00

Only been close to 3 months since my last blog, I guess its suffice to say I haven't had much to say. Not even sure how many readers I have left but I like to know that I can always come back and type out some thoughts. Well, I know at least I have one loyal anonymous fan-reader who likes to accuse me of atheism, that's always pretty sweet, good to have judges out there looking out for my well-being. And the anonymous piece really helps create dialogue as well. well said.

I think the american economy and general culture of fear has taken the wind out of many sails. Daily I meet with adult students who have lost their jobs, are about to or fear its inevitable. I've been unemployed for a time in my marriage and family life and it was one of the lowest points of my life, something I'd like to never re-live. You just can't make job opportunities happen, its such a matter of timing and skills and networking. When you have mouths to feed, the feelings of letting them down is a tough master. I empathize with so many who find themselves there tonight.

I believe it is absolutely inevitable that the "stimulus" plans by the monarchy will not solve anything but help spike inflation. It is fundamentally a faulty idea not based on free markets or capitalism, but rather on short-sightedness and a lack of discipline. Humans take care of what they earn and squander what is given to them, its a very natural cycle. The problem is not a lack of money, but a lack of understanding that we are nothing without hard work as a society and money does not make itself, it is earned and saved. The Monarchy can re-elect itself over and over if people continue a sense of entitlement. It may be years of actual hard times until the sense of entitlement dies, its a filthy beast.

So in these changing times, I find comfort in these words from the Sermon on the Mount in the Message:

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

So i go to bed not entirely enthused about my work but with the sense that it needs to be done. It is what is before me and I just need to put one foot in front of the other. I'm not entitled to find my voice in this life, but I am invited to give my attention to the God of the now. That's where contentment is.

peace,

This life is but a vapor

2008-12-03T12:23:00.005-05:00

I was talking with a good friend today and this statement came out of me:

"Life is but a vapor, suck the juice out of it daily"

I've been thinking about this vapor thing for quite some time. You try and hold onto things in this life and they have a way of just slipping through your fingers, you just can't quite get a grip. Even on a conservative level, you try and value the right things and work the plan but then it can all evaporate and leave you with nothing tangible to hold onto. There are a myriad of fleeting goals that are obvious: search for wealth, power, sucess, notieriety, status, prestige, accomplishment etc. But even in the plan of simple job, simple family, simple friends, simple church . . . all that can be taken away too. At times, it just all feels like a vapor, nothing sure to hang onto.

My faith in God and his eternal Kingdom are quite sure, the reality of that realm in some ways seems more tangible than this one in the flesh. The more I am sure of that world, the more this world looks somewhat pointless. Now, I'm not a dualist. I have full recognition that this realm and that realm are tied together in a cosmic sense and will be united again at the Resurrection and the coming of the new creation. What I'm processing is how arbitrary this life seems to be. I know that choices I make here affect the eternal realm, but exactly what and how is more of a mystery to me now than ever.

I suppose somewhere along the way I was supposed to pick up "mystery" as one of my assumptions about this life. But I suppose in a world of self-help guarantees and humanistic sciences, "mystery" is left out of the curriculum. It's amazing to me how much the American church reflects more about self-help and humanism than it does the Kingdom of God, but that's another topic.

Perhaps this is all because my birthday is a few days away, but I'm wondering about the mystery of this life and the vapor that it is. What I do know is that there is good and its in relationships, that's where you need to suck the juice out of.

peace,

Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T22:41:00.002-05:00

There's a reason that I haven't blogged in a bit, been in a spiritual funk. There are some things happening around me that have and are absolutely breaking my heart. I have a dear friend peddling at the table of the Enemy and I have to let him go. I don't want to, i care so deeply for him, but I cannot affirm the choices. I have spent a lot of time being very angry and feeling betrayed, but not tonight. Tonight I weep. Tonight I long for a turning in his heart. Tonight I want Easter Sunday but all I have is the darkness of a cross. I pray for him with all my soul and it hurts.

Tomorrow morning I will run the Thanksgiving Day 10k race in downtown Cincy for the 4th year in a row. Well, run is a bit of a stretch, I will run/walk. I am trained for perhaps 2.5 miles, but not 6.2 so it will be a total push and have to walk out the distance. I do it 1) to earn my turkey and 2) to remember losses in my life. My niece who passed 3 years ago, my brothers in Christ I lost to death, my brothers in life who have turned from Christ to the table of the enemy, I grieve all of them. I don't just grieve though, I also receive grace upon myself and I receive hope that for every brother lost to the enemy that I will pray for and go after 10 more for the Kingdom of God. I am very sad this year but I look forward to a time of painful reflection.

Give thanks in the light and give thanks in the dark, his mercies are new every morning. I've been beaten down but I don't accept defeat. Resurrection is always shining through. In loss there is always gain somewhere. May the Glory of his Grace fall upon us and make us whole. Don't give up on us, God! May your Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.

peace to your times of giving thanks and remember my friends, don't ever give up.

Time to unplug

2008-11-13T12:16:00.004-05:00

The suburban world of much and many, the dehumanizing tasks of working for the "man", the artificial realities of a modern world with many promises but few results . . . it just ain't what it's cracked up to be.

I can't wait to leave in the morning and unplug for the weekend. Going camping out in the wet, cold, rain, snow & wind with some very good friends and I don't care about the weather, I just want to be unplugged. I want the pace to slow down, the agenda to be reduced and the sights and smells to improve. Working in an office is degenerate to the soul at times. The rat race we call life is just a vapor, I want the outside air to clear the stench.

I will be camping with fellows bros of our lost brothers, Mark Palmer and Chad Canipe. I still often reflect on them and their absence now from this life. And I can't help but hear Solomon speaking:

Wisdom Is Meaningless
12 I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13 I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men! 14 I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
15 What is twisted cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.

16 I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." 17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.

18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.

22 What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? 23 All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.
24 A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25 for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? 26 To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

This life, this work, this race . . . it's all just a vapor. Take time to unplug and remember what really matters. What you learn when you do, is that the list is shorter than you thought, but sweeter than you thought.

peace,

I voted Libertarian

2008-11-04T11:03:00.004-05:00

Warning: Overtly political blog opinion follows

I think the 2 party system is a fallacy and uniquely broken in all the right ways for those in power to remain in power and control. Democrats are not much different than Republicans and vice versa. Look at the way they united over the bailout plan for the credit crisis. Neither side had a unique idea or antithetical thought, they were in bed with the present broken system and philosophy and therefore perpetuated it.

Keep the people blind. Let me go conspiracy theory on you. I would go as far as to say that the false dichotomy between these 2 parties is just a distraction for the masses so that they don't raise real questions about how far we have strayed from our constitution. If the people knew, we'd have another Boston Tea Party and King George and his pundits can't have that.

Here's the Nolan Chart just to see it visually:

There is no perfect system nor party, therefore I vote for smaller system and smaller party and more freedom for the citizen to be a competent and responsible individual. I want the gov't to build roads, provide military defense and protect state and national parks. Other than that, keep their greedy incompetent hands to themselves.

Ok, rant over (probably not, but that for now).

peace,

Happy all hallows eve

2008-10-31T07:51:00.002-04:00

On this day the Celts believed the veil between this world and the next was so thin that it was almost permeable. It was thought to be a day of transition, from summer to winter, where the dead from the year previous would passover to the eternal realm. I do not worship my ancestors and friends who have gone before me, but I do honor them.

So today I honor the lives that touched mine but have moved on either to the realm where God is or are asleep awaiting the final Resurrection (depending on your theology). These are the people that led me in my faith.

Rest and Reign well my beloved:
-Mark Palmer
-Chad Canipe
-Greg House
-Grandpop Povey
-Grandpop and Grandmom Marshall

Hebrews 12 (The Message)
Discipline in a Long-Distance Race

1-3Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Have a happy hallows.

peace,

Freddie Mercury let it rip!!

2008-10-30T12:43:00.002-04:00

We Are The Champions
The Phillies have waited 28 years to sing this song again. It's on repeat on my iPod today, it just doesnt' get old.

Check out my April 2, 2008 post

2008-10-27T13:56:00.003-04:00

In that post I have my pre-season baseball prediction where I said:

World Series will be the Red Sox vs. the Phillies and the Phillies win in 6! Ryan Howard NL MVP and Series MVP. The man can rake.

The Red Sox of course lost to the Rays, didn't see that coming nor did anyone else including the Ray's mothers. And I'm certainly hoping the Phillies win in 5 tonight and if Ryan Howard has another night tonight as he did last night, he will be the MVP.

If this all comes together, regardless of my homerism, you have to give me some props for the prediction. (Don't cha?)

28 years is a long time to wait

2008-10-22T08:59:00.004-04:00

Its been 28 years since the Phillies won the World Series. They lost the World Series in 1983 and 1993. Tonight begins their next attempt. They started as a franchise in 1883, have 6 World Series appearances but only 1 championship which was in 1980. The famous scene from Tug McGraw above after the final out is one of the best moments in Philadelphia sports history.

My favorite all time Phillies team is definitely 1993, the all mullet team. They were a weekend softball team disguised as the National League Champions. At least 2/3 of them had classic mullets, a true representation of Philly at the time. I will never forget that fateful night when Wild Thing Williams let that ball fly and Joe Carter connected it over the wall to win the World Series. Dramatic to say the least, but only if you were a Blue Jays fan.

So my prediction starting tonight, I'm gonna go with the Phillies in 7 games. I like the Rays a lot and pressure doesn't seem to get to them. I'm literally just hoping the Phillies can claw out 4 wins, I think they are favored in close games with Lidge as the closer. My key to victory is the spark plug, Jimmy Rollins. If he sets the tone and the table, I think the Phillies offense will roll. He's the veteran leader and he can take pressure off of Utley and Howard. Rollins is my pick for Series MVP.

Enough talk, its time for the Fightin' Phllies to bring home another championship, 28years is a long time to wait.

American Entitlement revealed

2008-10-20T13:30:00.003-04:00

Listening to the talking heads of the media and all the empty promises of the politicians seeking election, one could be seduced to believe that we are entitled to quite a bit more than our daily bread.

Here is what I've learned. We aren't entitled to crap. God doesn't owe us anything. Not one of us brought ourselves into being, we are creation and the Creator doesn't owe us anything. We are not entitled to prosperous economies, safe neighborhoods, secure futures, good health, home ownership etc. etc. etc. What we have, we have for today and that is a gift of God to be thankful for. If you desire to be a follower of the Way, your inheritance is not of this world, it is holy other. Do not be seduced by the words of the worldly wise, its not about you. You are promised daily bread, nothing more, and that as well is a gift from God.

This passage came to mind today on this subject for me:
Matthew 20
A Story About Workers

1-2 "God's kingdom is like an estate manager who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. They agreed on a wage of a dollar a day, and went to work. 3-5"Later, about nine o'clock, the manager saw some other men hanging around the town square unemployed. He told them to go to work in his vineyard and he would pay them a fair wage. They went.
5-6"He did the same thing at noon, and again at three o'clock. At five o'clock he went back and found still others standing around. He said, 'Why are you standing around all day doing nothing?'

7"They said, 'Because no one hired us.'

"He told them to go to work in his vineyard.

8"When the day's work was over, the owner of the vineyard instructed his foreman, 'Call the workers in and pay them their wages. Start with the last hired and go on to the first.'

9-12"Those hired at five o'clock came up and were each given a dollar. When those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. But they got the same, each of them one dollar. Taking the dollar, they groused angrily to the manager, 'These last workers put in only one easy hour, and you just made them equal to us, who slaved all day under a scorching sun.'

13-15"He replied to the one speaking for the rest, 'Friend, I haven't been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn't we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can't I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?'

16"Here it is again, the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first."

Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,

The night I fell in love with baseball

2008-10-15T23:48:00.003-04:00

Growing up in Philly, my parents had divorced before I was born, so I was raised primarily by my grandparents for my first 5-6 years of life. My Mom worked all day and went to school at night to try and make it as a single mom in the 1970's when it wasn't cool. We lived with my grandparents in a duplex in Northeast Philly. It was a summer night in 1976, I was 4 and my grandfather took me to my first major league baseball game. It was the Phillies vs. the Astros and Steve Carlton was the pitcher. It wasn't long til I realized that Carlton is considered one of the top 3 left-handers of all time. He struck out a ton of Astros that night. My grandfather said in the car on the way down to Veteran's stadium, "the Phillies are lousy, except when Carlton is pitching". I can only guess that's why he took me to that game on that night, but I'll forever be grateful.

I was only 4, but I will never forget walking up to the ramps of the Vet for the first time, It was all bigger than life. The lights, the smells, the hot dog, the people, the major league players, the Philly Phanatic, I mean I fell completely in love. It got in my blood, in my veins, I couldn't wait to play this game. I became a Phillies fan that night and now forever. I've also adopted the Reds now that I have lived here in Cincinnati so long, but Philly remains a big part of my heart.

Baseball got me through some tough times in life. When i was really hurting and angry as an adolescent, I always had baseball. I used to tape "This week in baseball" and memorize it before the next episode ran the following week. I played with a ball, a glove and a wall for hours and hours and hours. Anytime whiffle ball or stick ball was happening, I wanted to be there. I turned out to be a pretty decent player. Excelled through junior and high school and played through college. i loved the smell of baseball, I loved the feeling of manicured grass under my feet, i loved getting dirty and I absolutely loved playing under the lights. I get goose bumps just remembering.

Well, the Phillies kicked the Dodgers butt and are now going to the World Series most likely to face Amercia's sweethearts, the Tampa Rays, but my heart will remain with Philly. Nostalgic feelings are running through me tonight watching the Phillies clinch the National League pennant. I will never forget the night I fell in love with baseball. Thanks, grandpop, rest in peace the Phillies are BACK in the SHOW!!!

(insert the Rocky theme song here) peace,

Re-cap of my sports weekend

2008-10-13T11:48:00.006-04:00

Ok, LA, you made it a series, now your only down 2-1. But do you seriously want to get into a brawl with the city of brotherly love? Botox ridden, juice drinking, left coast liberals do not want to incite physicalities on the city that bleeds Irish violence. Hollywood, have you not seen Rocky I-IV? 90210? Seriously, you do not want a piece of this. See ya tonight where this movie for you won't have a good ending. Manny, the next one is coming at your ribs.

Ohio state won, but they are not the best team in the Big Ten. Penn State is back, Joe Pa is eternal. Kudos to Texas, Florida and Ok. State as well on huge victories. And to my newly adopted team, continued Guns Up to the Red Raiders of Texas Tech.

Bengals suck oh so badly. Do we have the desire and the perseverance to successfully pull off an 0-16 season? Let's at least make history if we're gonna suck so badly.

apparently there is more to life than sports, but its a nice outlet none-the-less for me.

peace,

Let's Go Phillies!!

2008-10-10T13:45:00.002-04:00

Up 1-0, the East Coast over the Weak Coast. Let's keep it going.

Things I noticed from John 8

2008-10-09T09:37:00.002-04:00

I shared this narrative in Texas last week and I'm not sure if it was for them or me but as I was studying it, I noticed a few things.

John 8
1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

11"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

1) If they are really "teachers of the law" and religious leaders, why are they interupting Jesus' teaching? (translation: judge a leader by their fruit, not their title)

2) If the woman was caught in "adultery" then she was married. The Law of Moses in Deut. 22:23 says that stoning is required for a betrothed or an engaged woman, not a married one. Should teachers of the law know their own law? (translation: Often our absolutes in theology are actually just representative of our bias preferences and not gospel truth)

3) "Jesus bent down" and said nothing. This is a genius communication skill. In the event, the Pharisees held all the power and momentum by interupting and throwing at least a half-naked woman in the middle if not fully naked. How does Jesus diffuse the situation, steer the power away from the bullies and protect the dishonored woman? He uses silence and it was deafening. He doesn't honor their cruelty with a verbal response, he does the counter-intuitive. Then they are exposed for their cruelty like a giant spot light is upon them. Jesus takes on the eyes of the crowd to what he's drawing in the sand (and away from the vulnerable woman, perhaps even giving her time to cover up).

Jesus' non-verbal skills utilized in this event are just genius. He does not have the title of a "teacher of the law", rather he just embodies and lives out the very heartbeat of the Law of God, to honor and love his Creation. I find these values of humility and strong compassion very rare for male leaders I've observed and come across in my lifetime. The stereotypical strong male leader/CEO type is the easy way out, its mostly just leadership in the flesh. Show me someone with the inner strength and character like Jesus instead of the outside bravado and I'll show you genius leadership.

4) If anyone of you is without sin throw the first stone. The law says the witness to the event is the one who starts the stoning. So which man and religious leader is gonna be the one to say they were peering in together and watching the adulterous act. Or even more so, was one of them the male witness involved in the act? This sounds less like activities for the teachers of the law and more like a scene from the Porky's movies triology.

5) The woman finds herself not alone, but in the presence of the only one who cares about the true her and sees beyond her sinful behavior. Jesus fought and protected her dignity, treated her as the daughter of God that she was. Jesus gives her words of compassion first, then follows with words of discipline and holiness. Notice the order . . .compassion then a call for holiness. The mercy of God is not earned, its freely given then leads us to change out of gratitude.

Just some things I noticed.

Peace to your moment of genius today,

The Beautiful Rebellion

2008-10-06T21:47:00.003-04:00

Texas Tech Guns up!

Just got back from Lubbock, Texas today where I spent the past 5 days teaching at the Texas Tech Wesley Foundation Fall Retreat at Sipapu Ski Resort in New Mexico. My best friend from seminary, Al Martin, is the director of the campus ministry there and arranged for me to come out and I accepted his hospitality. It was a great few days. I spoke at their weekly gathering in Lubbock on Thursday evening and then 4 more times over the next couple days at the retreat in New Mexico. I haven't done a lot of speaking in the past couple years but this time I actually asked God for an opportunity, Al contacted me and I said yes pretty much immediately and I'm glad I did.

I did my best to try and communicate life in the Kingdom of God and I entitled the series of talks, "The Beautiful Rebellion". There were about 110 college students on the retreat and they are a pretty special group of kids. They love worship, emobdy community and were earnest learners in our time together, can't ask for much more. Particularly on Saturday night, after I was finished speaking on "War in the Kingdom Now", the worship team came back up for a time of reflection and then the presence of God and his grace began to move pretty powerfully through the learning community. It led to God doing a lot of healing, convicting, speaking and setting captives free . . . the good stuff.

For me, it was an important time personally. I really sought to sit in reflection during the worship times and just listen and receive cuz my past few weeks have been pretty dark and even agonizing. I was able to get some rest, do a lot of reading and just reflect away from my day job which has been sucking me dry. I'm waiting on God and there is just no short-cut for that. He is sufficient and I have to submit to that and trust in a hope I can't see.

For now I'm glad to be home but finding myself very thankful for this blessed trip.

peace,

Ron Paul for President

2008-09-23T09:50:00.002-04:00

Ron Paul on Government Bailout

This is why I wish I could vote for Ron Paul on November 4. The federal bailout of the financial crisis in America is the continual death of a free market economy that we claim to love so much. The reality is that America is increasingly becoming a bigger slave to their lenders. This is not freedom, debt is enslavery, how can we be so foolish?

Rome is burning, anybody concerned?

Does sadness have a place in the Kingdom?

2008-09-18T22:29:00.009-04:00

Tyler Durden:

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God ---- it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy ---- we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED..
You feel sad or cry a lot and it doesn't go away.
You feel guilty for no real reason; you feel like you're no good; you've lost your confidence.
Life seems meaningless or like nothing good is ever going to happen again.
You have a negative attitude a lot of the time, or it seems like you have no feelings.
You don't feel like doing a lot of the things you used to like-- like music, sports, being with friends, going out-- and you want to be left alone most of the time.
It's hard to make up your mind. You forget lots of things, and it's hard to concentrate.
You get irritated often. Little things make you lose your temper; you overreact.
Your sleep pattern changes; you start sleeping a lot more or you have trouble falling asleep at night. Or you wake up really early most mornings and can't get back to sleep.
Your eating habits change; you've lost your appetite or you eat a lot more.
You feel restless and tired most of the time.

Are you even allowed to lament when the AIDS epidemic is sweeping across Africa wiping out entire villages?

Are you even allowed to lament when there is genocide still present in Darfur?

A friend sent this to me today, and for that I'm thankful. A passage from Psalm 27:

7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.
13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

I'm just sitting here and waiting, Lord.

peace,

Collision at the Coliseum

2008-09-12T08:46:00.006-04:00

I updated this post reflecting back now below:

OH - IO!!

Alright, well here we go again. THE Ohio State Buckeyes find themselves in another huge spotlight game coming off of 2 embarassing performances in the past couple National Championship games. By the way, we get tons of smack for that, but I was just wondering where your teams were when we were in the championship game? just checking ;)

So, Chris "Beanie" Wells may or may not play cuz of his toe injury. I'm not sure if that's going to be the difference maker anyway.
Here is my breakdown:
- Can Ohio State overcome big plays early to keep the L.A. Coliseum crowd from being a factor? Nope, they didn't
- Boekman or Pryor at QB for the Bucks? I think if Pryor plays a lot then the Bucks are in trouble and desperate. If Boekman plays the majority of the game it means we're in control of the tempo and momentum. Buckeyes got desperate
- 2 great defenses with lots of playmakers, who will force the most turnovers? USC did easily
- Execution, Ohio State cannot afford to leave any points on the field. Down 14-3, chance to make it 14-10 going into halftime had TD taken back cuz of holding penalty then missed Field goal.

My prediction:
Even though there are 2 great defenses, I see a lot of big plays in this game so it won't be so low scoring.
The Ohio State University Buckeyes 28
University of Southern California 27

We lost big time!

have a blessed weekend,

The Stick gods?

2008-09-10T13:00:00.001-04:00

Jeremiah 10
The Stick Gods
1-5 Listen to the Message that God is sending your way, House of Israel. Listen most carefully:
"Don't take the godless nations as your models.
Don't be impressed by their glamour and glitz,
no matter how much they're impressed.
The religion of these peoples
is nothing but smoke.
An idol is nothing but a tree chopped down,
then shaped by a woodsman's ax.
They trim it with tinsel and balls,
use hammer and nails to keep it upright.
It's like a scarecrow in a cabbage patch—can't talk!
Dead wood that has to be carried—can't walk!
Don't be impressed by such stuff.
It's useless for either good or evil."

6-9All this is nothing compared to you, O God.
You're wondrously great, famously great.
Who can fail to be impressed by you, King of the nations?
It's your very nature to be worshiped!
Look far and wide among the elite of the nations.
The best they can come up with is nothing compared to you.
Stupidly, they line them up—a lineup of sticks,
good for nothing but making smoke.
Gilded with silver foil from Tarshish,
covered with gold from Uphaz,
Hung with violet and purple fabrics—
no matter how fancy the sticks, they're still sticks.

10But God is the real thing—
the living God, the eternal King.
When he's angry, Earth shakes.
Yes, and the godless nations quake.

11-15"Tell them this, 'The stick gods
who made nothing, neither sky nor earth,
Will come to nothing
on the earth and under the sky.'"
But it is God whose power made the earth,
whose wisdom gave shape to the world,
who crafted the cosmos.
He thunders, and rain pours down.
He sends the clouds soaring.
He embellishes the storm with lightnings,
launches wind from his warehouse.
Stick-god worshipers looking mighty foolish,
god-makers embarrassed by their handmade gods!
Their gods are frauds—dead sticks,
deadwood gods, tasteless jokes.
When the fires of judgment come, they'll be ashes.

16But the Portion-of-Jacob is the real thing.
He put the whole universe together
And pays special attention to Israel.
His name? God-of-the-Angel-Armies!

draw your own conclusions.

peace,

Tropic Thunder 2 thumbs up

2008-09-09T09:31:00.003-04:00

Saw this flick with Johnson and McGillivary last night and it is ridiculous and hilarious at the same time. One of the best satires on the entire movie industry I've ever seen. It pains me to say this but Tom Cruise's part was my favorite as he portrayed a middle-aged Jewish movie mogul, amazing. Do not bring the kids, but see this movie if you just need to laugh at things you probably shouldn't be laughing at. I'm looking forward to my second showing sometime in the future.

On another note, I have to propose a new MAN Law. As I mentioned earlier, Glenn Johnson and Paul McGillivary were out last night. We try to get together every other Monday evening typically for Starbucks and conversation but last night we opted for dinner and guy movie. We met for dinner at Red Robin, Paul and I gorged ourselves on chicken/burgers and fries and Glenn came late. He had already eaten so all he ordered was a "Hawaian Hearththrob Smoothie". And the it came, a spiral glass filled with a pink smoothie topped with cherries and pineapple. MEN can not order tropical pink smoothies out with other men for dinner, with your wife maybe if you're splitting it with her, but not as your only order at a table of guys. That's a MAN Law. Johnson, your Man card has been suspended until further notice. I couldn't help but ask our female server if she had ever seen a man order in such a way and she responded, "never". In his old age, Johnson is transforming into his boyhood idol, George Michael. Please, Glenn, snap out of it and wake me up before you go go. MAN LAW! (rant over)

Fly Eagles Fly, on the road to Victory!

2008-09-08T10:25:00.002-04:00

Since the Bengals have decided to not even compete this year and the owner is ready to throw us into another decade of vomit-inducing play and decisions, I'll have to check back in with them next August to see if they want to be a real NFL team. For now I have no other choice but to pick back up on my Philly roots and give the Eagles first place in my football heart again. Typically for me each season its Bengals first, Eagles second, providing the Bengals field an NFL team. Since we havne't done that this year, it will be Eagles first now.

So let's let the fight song rip:

Fly, Eagles fly, on the road to victory
Fight, Eagles, fight! Score a touchdown one-two-three
Hit 'em low, hit 'em high,
And watch our Eagles fly
Fly, Eagles fly, on the road to victory
E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!

Thomas Merton speaking to Me

2008-09-03T21:29:00.005-04:00

A few quotes from Thomas Merton that struck me on my sabbatical time.

Re: The Spiritual Man

In all that he does he acts freely, simply, spontaneously from the depths of his heart, moved by love.

Re: Not having a Mentor

Naturally, one who has sought direction and not found it will not be held responsible for its lack, and God Himself will make to the soul what is wanting to it in His own way.

Re: The Care of the Director

His first duty, if he wants to be an effective director, is to see to his own interior life and take time for prayer and meditation, since he will never be able to give to others what he does not possess himself.

That's the good stuff, still chewing on them.

peace,

Monking at work?

2008-08-24T21:19:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow i head back to work to give it a try in a different frame of mind. I'm thankful for this short sabbatical and thankful for the grace that follows me daily. I take comfort knowing I do not go back alone, but I go back in the communion of Christ. He goes before me, he is beside me and his grace follows me every step I take. Stress and anxiety are not Kingdom qualities, peace in Christ and His sufficiency is. Work however is a part of our life in this earthly realm, but it is to be done in communion with Christ, not according to our own selfish ambitions. There are many things at work that I cannot control, but my internal world, the world of my soul belongs to God and I want to remain in communion with Him there. I largely am just moving on in faith, no promises, no guarantees, just faith in the One who doesn't let me go. This job may or may not work out, but this I know, I will reign in God's Kingdom forever. That's a good thought.

Time to give monking in the real world another try.

Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today.

peace,

2 week Sabbatical update

2008-08-21T13:00:00.004-04:00

By far my highlight was spending a couple nights here: Bethany Springs Hermitage
I highly recommend it, a one person hermit's cabin with everything you need. I sought solitude, quiet and the beauty of God's Creation and got it all. I walked, I prayed, I worshipped, I healed up some, I learned, I listened, I longed, I wept, I dreamed, I blessed, I got blessed . . . in short I loved it. For an extrovert like me, 2 nights was my limit by myself but I'm looking forward to another time like it in the future.

The facility was a part of The Merton Institute for Contemplative Living Contemplative living is something that I'm working on and is my learning edge coming out of this sabbatical. I am learning the discipline of "going monk" to protect my inner world if the external world is nothing but a storm. But that inner world is a garden that needs daily and even hourly tending, its not just for weekend or quarterly work days. The weeds are sneaky, gotta look for them daily and take them out by the root. Jesus did this well, this is how he slept on the boat during the storms. I want some more of that action.

Meditation is a matter of finding that inner "happy place", I found one at the Abbey of Gethsemani. Abbey
This place was beautiful and peaceful. It was what the Celts called a "thin space". A portal to the eternal space where God reigns, it was a land prayed over 7 times daily for over 150 years, the glory of God was a hushing peace to my heart. I sensed this same kind of presence in 2 other places on earth, 1) Northumbria Community, the ancient Celtic monastery in northern England and 2) the western wall of Herod's Temple in Jerusalem (wailing wall) The moment i stepped onto this land at the Abbey i was immediately reminded of those 2 places on earth. I will blog more on the monks life hopefully tomorrow and what I'm learning.

For now, I'm off to pursue some more monking in the real world.

peace to you,

2 week leave

2008-08-07T20:09:00.001-04:00

my 2 week leave from work has just started, i'm ready to relax and listen I think. not sure how much i'll blog, trying to unplug. we'll see how long that lasts :)

Theophostic Prayer

2008-08-03T16:31:00.002-04:00

Glenn and Cathy Johnson from Veritas Church and a part of my spiritual family came over last night and with Nicki led me through a intense few hours of theophostic prayer to get at the root of some of these painful and core lies that had me all tied up inside. All I can say is "holy maccaroni, batman!" It was an amazing healing experience. Healing memories guided by the Spirit of Christ. I have had healing visions for a few years that I had no idea were just keys unlocking deep places of anger, betrayal and disappointments and the hold they had over me.

These memories remain places for me that I can go to and see a revealed Christ, one who has never left me alone. There seems to be a real identity shift within me and I still have some depths to explore, but I'm looking forward to taking this new outlook for a spin.

I'm off to a night of extended worship and prayer with Ordinary Community Church tonight, let's get this party started.

theophostic prayer

peace to my journeyers out there,

time to mold the clay

2008-07-30T22:50:00.003-04:00

i think today i finally gave up, literally hit that wall and couldn't go another step. cancelled the rest of my appts. for the day, went home and requested a 2 week leave of absence from work to try and get some perspective and deal with the source of all this anguish. I would say half is overwhelming work and half is a deep, personal wrestling in me with God himself. I'll give you 2 guesses who is winning that particular wrestling match.

I will start that 2 week leave of absence/sabbatical from work on Friday August 8. Until then, I'm going to try and get as much taken care of from work as possible, but I'm letting it all go.

I have come to the end and giving myself over to surrender. Whatever God wants is what I want. What following Jesus looks like, its the path I want. If I'm to leave this job to seek the next step for me, even if I don't have something else in place, I'm gonna trust Jesus to bring us there. If I'm to stay and reinvent this job situation with boundaries and God at the center of me, then I'll follow him through that. I'm done controlling what provision looks like, I made a mess of it and it made a mess of me. I'm a large hump of clay, time for some molding.

This day has been very revealing and I find that to be encouraging. I'm encouraged as I head to bed, I think I'm ready to go toe to toe with some of these root issues within me.

I think I'm finally ready to ask God to heal my heart for Him not healing Palmer. there, i said it, only took me 2 1/2 years. I think I'm ready to ask God to heal my heart for a fatherless and abusive childhood. there, i said it, only took me 35 1/2 years. My pride has held onto these pains and stuffed them down deep within me. My pain has too long been a source of my identity, its time to crush that clay and remold something new. I can't make any of this happen, I'm just here saying I'm ready and open.

peace to your heart of clay,

My Book Review Endorsement

2008-07-29T10:22:00.005-04:00

I highly reccomend this book review site on Kingdom topics and issues, simple and missional living for followers of Jesus. Chris Smith is a friend and I think does a great job for busy folk like me to get some helps on future reading. Check it out.

Englewood Review of Books

sliver of light

2008-07-27T19:46:00.002-04:00

I chose to stay home tonight with my kids while my wife is still away instead of going to house church tonight. I hate to ever miss house church, its an anchor in my week to be with the church gathered in community. But I was/am exhausted continuing to wrestle with the unravelling pieces of my inner life. I'm going to guess that at some point tonight in that meeting, they were praying for me, because I saw a sliver of light in my dark thought processes. I kind of feel like I've been a plane spiraling out of control and i kept looking to the horizon just to see and know which way was up and which way was down. Something kind of broke through to give me just a glimpse of perspective tonight and its a thread I want to keep pulling. I can only assume its because there are people somewhere else praying for me, caring for me more than I care for myself.

I'm doing what i can with what I have to be productive in my turmoil and darkness. I know that I need to keep my heart open because it has been hardening and that just isn't me. I have gotten my guitar back out this week, just had my second gig all by myself playing and singing some old songs and seeing if they connect to that person deep inside me. I think i heard at least echoes of a former self down there, there were some slivers of light, it wasn't all darkness. Its important for me to admit that I am a heartfelt, passionate and emotional person and that I can't keep that bottled up, even if its dark I need to rage towards God. Keep myself open in the hopes that He is going to show up again.

I'm also asking some pretty difficult questions about myself. I'm finding patterns of self-loathing and criticism, remnants of displaced drivenness and perfectionism, and roots of a people-pleasing imprisonment that has left me completely burned out and bitter. mmmmmm, the inner self is just so dang tasty.

I scoured my bookcases for books, old or new that may need to be picked up and thrown at the wall of my mind to see if they stick. Tonight's choice is a bit our of my normal reading cuz is so mainstream christian sub-culture but it's "Get a Life" by Reggie McNeal. I think our denomination sent this to all church planters, i know i didnt' buy it. Here are a couple snippets:

The way you are living today is how you are living life. None of us get today back. . . . We can choose to defer living until some circumstances are met, but that means every day till then is another lost day of life. . . . If you choose to get a life, get ready to ask yourself some hard questions.

Not half bad thoughts, I'm gonna peruse it further. I do know that my circumstances are not nearly bad enough for the inner turmoil I'm feeling, I've got some demons in here that need confronted. Jesus slept on the boat during the storms, I need a piece of that action.

a sliver of light tonight, keep praying church!

peace,

A trip to the ER

2008-07-25T23:28:00.002-04:00

Well, nothing like physical manifestations of emotional turmoil.

Thursday afternoon while at work, I thought my appendix was bursting. Started having very sharp pains in my right lower abdomen that kept coming in waves. then came the nausea and then vomiting, good good times. the beauty was as well that my wife had just left for one of her annual "girls" trips with friends, my daughters are at summer camp and so I'm responsible for my son. He was left at an aunt's house and I took myself into the ER, that drive was excruciating and a bit scary, I know that the appendix is nothing to mess with.

6 hours in the ER, some morphine, blood work, urine test and CAT scan and my appendix was pretty normal as well as the rest of my vital organs. Went home and slept off the morphine. Back to my primary Dr. today and he's pretty sure that I have a flared up intestine that is stress induced. That would mimic all the same symptoms of appendicitis. That explains the sharp pains and why they come in waves. Felt okay today, much better than yesterday but I still feel twinges.

So, all the wrestling and anger and stress etc. ended up taking a physical toll on my body. I'm gonna have to look at some changes to me or my circumstances or both, what I'm doing or how I'm handling it is not sustainable.

Had a fun day today with my son and look forward to picking up the girls from camp tomorrow morning, being around them is a constant sabbatical, they keep things real.

well, to my brothers and sisters out there in similar struggles, take care of yourself.

peace,

The Sound of Settling

2008-07-23T22:21:00.002-04:00

I have not done a good job at making peace with my vocation and the fact that it makes me feel like I'm becoming a completely different person, one that I don't even like. One of my former students when I taught high school saw me today and said to her Mom who works with me, "Mr. Marshall doesn't look happy anymore". I've heard my oldest daughter say similar things to me. On the outside it appears I'm giving off sounds of settling. Settling for a life disconnected from my heart and gifts. Settling for letting others use me in their own pursuits of pride and greed. I never wanted to settle for anything short of the dreams and passions on my heart but I feel trapped and I admit I'm losing hope in it all. Settling says this is all there is, it doesn't get better and the sooner you wake up to that fact the better off you'll be. Settling sucks.

Above is one of my favorite pics of my lost friend, Palmer. I still miss him so much. He wouldn't have let me settle, he never did. He lived his life on purpose and in simplicity. His life was his art, it was quite beautiful. It was a life I felt was worth fighting for. I longed, prayed and fasted for his healing. I never believed in his death until i left his coffin and even then I still wasn't giving up but it was for naught. Either God has some master plan he doesn't feel like telling us or I lost that fight. Both answers as you can see haven't left me with much peace about it all. I'm sure its connected to all the other disappointments and shattered dreams I'm wrestling with.

I took that pic of Palmer, it was on Cuthbert Island off the North coast of England. In the background was the ruins of the ancient Abbey and behind us was the coast at low tide. We sat with our Irish pints and journaled on that day and in that place. I remember that being a day that my heart was fully alive, not as it is now. If I would have known then that Palmer had cancer, I would have prayed over him in all those ancient holy places. Rather, we just enjoyed what we had and although I'm severely disappointed with the outcome, I'm thankful to have those days and the memories of the adventure with him.

Palmer never settled for the death of his 1st wife, Jennifer. He held out hope for her until the very end. I really have never seen anything quite like his faith. And then for himself to be diagnosed with cancer, suffer greatly and leave this life with the same disease is quite puzzling. But he never lost hope, he never settled for anything less than a resurrection and that's what I prayed for him. I wonder if he can pray resurrection for me tonight? I don't have a freakin' clue where to turn or what to do, so I will ask Palmer wherever he is sleeping tonight to pray for me. He wouldn't listen to the sounds of settling, here's to hoping he'll help me not to listen either.

peace,

Friday's "what were you thinking?" post

2008-07-18T09:49:00.002-04:00

1) Going back to the post about when Rains and I met, this was about that time period, 6-7 years ago. I guess the pic shows a pretty immediate friendship.

2) Is that the beginning of a mullet? Who let me out of the house with that hair? A true "what were you thinking?" moment.

3) Thanks to Creech the always present photographer with a great eye for the sacred and spontaneous.

I'm going to try and rid myself of this melancholoy disposition this weekend, we'll see how that goes.

peace to your weekend,

a life less complicated?

2008-07-17T10:09:00.003-04:00

When I was younger, I had vigor and passion. I had a sense of calling, I dreamed of a preferred future, life lacked complication. I had time and space to think, reflect, read and be. This just isn't who I am anymore.

I wonder if its just a season of life. I work a job that mostly sucks the life out of me to provide for my family who are seemingly having a good life. They are healthy, present with one another, have daily bread and much more, good schooling, participate in their preferred extra-curriculars, friends, loved etc. Generally growing up in a safe environment both physically and emotionally, that can't be underestimated. There really isn't anything I wouldn't do to provide this for them, it makes just about anything worth it. Its part of growing up, its about them, not me.

I wonder if I'll ever be that other guy again someday? Will there come another season where I don't have to give my firstfruits of energies to the "man" in things I largely don't believe in? Is there such a thing as a job you love, or is that a myth?

Here in America, the present economic realities are rough and the future looks rougher. Having a job w/ benefits is to be considered a blessing, my mind tells me that. My mind also tells me its all relative, there are Kingdom brothers and sisters all over the world who are suffering greatly in poverty and under abusive government power structures. Who am I to complain? In fact I feel overwhelming guilt for just asking these questions, perhaps I should privatize these thoughts. (the reason I don't is because I don't think I'm alone in these questions)

How do you live the life of a monk as a Father of 3 in suburban America? How do you keep touch with your heart and deep dreams in a world of speed and greed? Whatever the answers are, I'm not doing a good job of it. I lack space and time to do much searching for it, mostly hoping that if there is an answer that it will find me.

Perhaps in the future I will walk in a field of a life less complicated, but for now I'm just trying to make peace with the mire I'm in.

peace,

Entering Politics

2008-07-14T14:18:00.001-04:00

thank you, Rains

2008-07-14T09:59:00.002-04:00

I needed encouragement today, and it came in the form of this:
the Kedge

In his sabbatical, Kevin is practing the art and discipline of remembering stories of his past. Our past shapes us doesn't it? Our past is a look into the who we are now. I am very thankful to be a part of Kevin's past and hopeful to be an eternal part of his future as well.

I needed encouragement, I have been in a physical/emotional/spiritual rut for a couple months (thus the complete lack of blog posts). I have felt a complete disconnect with my heart and that leaves me rudderless, wandering in the mundane, trying to stay above the waves, but mostly just choking on the salt water. Its been a bit of a wilderness and I'm not sure when its going to end, so I just look for markers on the course that assure me I'm not alone. Kevin's words did that for me today. I'm hoping to reconnect and remember who I am, or if this is to be a transformation, I'm hoping to get out of this cocoon and shed these scales. Perhaps this bout of existentialism is just the product of getting older.

Perhaps I'll need to blog on some stories of the past for me and see where it takes me. No promises, but I do miss blogging.

peace,

Open letter to Ordinary Community Church

2008-05-20T00:05:00.002-04:00

Hey OCC family,

Man, our weather was a lot to overcome yesterday at the park for the baby dedication and I just wanted to pass on a few thoughts I wanted to share a bit more but couldn't really communicate as my pages were ripping through the wind.

First, thanks all for coming (and for those who couldn't share in this gathering, you were thought of and missed). Its so incredibly important that we make time for each other and to be in community to one another. We are literally spread out all over the Cincinnati metro area, including northern kentucky, and its a real legistic challenge to come together, especially with
these gas prices. But community is not an option for us, its a calling and our spiritual lives can't live without it. As you journey in your individual house churches, I want to encourage you to practice the spiritual discipline of presence to one another. There are many things that creep in and steal our time from being together, guard your house church times fiercely. Put up boundary lines around that time, budget it in as a non-negotiable and then reap the benefits of a loving, spiritual, Christ-filled, Spirit-Driven community that deeply loves you and is committed to you. When it all comes down, this is all we have that is eternal. Invest in such things. (Matthew 6:33)

Secondly, the vows we made to each other and the parents to their children are a really big deal and also eternal. We are a subversive community living out the values of the Kingdom of God, not the values of the culture and empire we live in. Pay attention to your children, cherish them, love on them, make them your vocation, bless them, discipline them gently, learn from them, show them appropriate touch, give away encouraging words, be their protector, be their provider, show them the ways of the Kingdom of God. In doing so, you will knit within them a healthy sexuality, a sense of wholeness, intimacy and communion with God and one another. Our world and ourselves cannot give this, it comes from parents and a community that lives by a different set of rules, ones submitted to the heart of the Father.

One of the things I wanted to do but scrapped in lieu of the weather was to take communion together before we prayed over the families. We need to emphatically state that we can't do this on our own. It is only because of Christ and his
Kingdom that we can share in this life. Everytime we can celebrate the table of God in communion or a shared meal, we are participating in part of something we will do forever. Christ invites us to his table of blessing, one overflowing with the life of God. Eat of it daily, drink from it deeply and don't forget to give it away to the hungry and thirsty around you and in your neighborhood.

I am reminded tonight of the ancient vows of the early church who committed themselves to:
1) Simplicity - not participating in the wealth of this world. Making decisions to deny self in order to be freed to love our neighbors. In a sure or an unsure economy, simplicity is the model of Jesus who had no place to lay his head. Its not about having wealth, its about not desiring it and being content with daily bread. Contentment is the language of the free in Christ.

2) Availability - not participating in the pace of this world. Making decisions to be quiet, seek solitude and budgeting time to be available to God and to one another. Loving our neighbor does not come naturally, it comes from an inner commitment to be available to them first.

3) Vulnerability - the admission that we are yet broken. Being broken before God and our brothers and sisters we trust to allow the healing of the Cross to continue to wash over us. It is in our honesty and openness that we make our wounds accessible to God, and whatever He can touch, He can heal.

My love and affection for each of you is sure and forever. I choose to belong to you as my spiritual family, my Church on earth. I don't know exactly what God has in mind for our future, but I believe He is not done adding to our number. Be open to giving the Kingdom away.

King Jesus is on the move amongst us, let's submit ourselves once again to follow Him. As we do the curtain to heaven becomes just a thin veil and His life will pour out all over us more and more the deeper we go. Let's not give up now, we're just getting started. Can't wait to see y'all at the finish line someday.

May the love and peace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the power of His Resurrection be upon you and your home this night,

Chris

The Revelation of Hope

2008-05-11T00:21:00.002-04:00

So we all have good days and bad days. Last Sunday night, I had a bad day. A series of things triggered me and I felt trapped, alone, codnemned and accused. All I felt was pain and it brought up childhood issues that I haven't felt in a long time. In a conversation with my wife where we were processing things together I lost me temper in a way I can't remember since I was a teenager. Where do things like that come from? That's for another day.

Today, I feel a bit of that revelation of hope. Its not in circumstances, that hasn't changed much. Its mostly in relationships. A relationship with a God that is not done w/ me yet. A God who is calling me to deeper intimacies with Him. A God who is calling me into deeper works of redemption on earth. A God who is breathing in me words of prophecy that haunt my dreams.

I feel hope in a wife whom I celebrate Mother's Day with today. A woman who is exactly my opposite. A woman who is the best partner I could hope for. A woman who is committed to me in the good and the bad. On our wedding day she vowed that "when the tough times come, I'm not going anywhere" and has proven just that. She gives me my space, but she also pursues me and I never thought I would find somebody like her. She actually does complete me, its more than a movie line.

I feel hope from amazing friends. Like really amazing friends. Friends I've gone to war with and friends I'd go to war for. I can't mention y'all by name but I need you to know that your words and presence have brought hope to my life. You love me in ways I can't hope for myself. You believe in me and stick with me when I can't find my way. You affirm the places I find myself and earily your lives and thoughts often parallel my own. You have been the revelation of a Kingdom come for me.

I don't always know who I am and where I'm going, but for tonight I have the revelation of hope and that is enough.

peace,

The good, the bad and the ugly of church

2008-05-07T17:20:00.005-04:00

I'm doing final teaching prep for the second night of a New Testament Survey course here in a few minutes and just reflecting on tonight's topic of Acts and the explosion of the 1st century movement known as Christianity.

I want to make sure to challenge traditions, expose myths, reveal truths, make space for reality, talk the good, bad and the ugly. I can't think of a topic I care more about. Being the people of God on earth in mission to a fallen Creation is my vocation. With all the talk in blogdom on being bi-occupational, building the Church is my vocation, just not my occupation.

We need to continuously ask a lot of questions about how we're doing being the people of God on earth. We can't be comfortable nor content so long as their is suffering, hunger, injustice and lostness in our world. Until the final consumation of all things and the Resurrection, we have work to do. We are invited into this redemptive work and that's a pretty big deal. The author of life invites us to participate with Him in His restoration. We can become agents of His restoration, that's a pretty freakin' big idea.

I hope to pet the dog's fur the wrong way tonight. Shake up commonly held positions so that we come together not on how we do church, but that we ARE the church to the world. Some days we're good, some days we're bad and some days we're ugly, but never give up. Ever since the first Century, those followers of Christ have always had a pesky habit of Rising Again!

peace,

Blog Lesson

2008-05-05T03:42:00.001-04:00

In the 5+ years I've been blogging, I've learned at least one thing. Never blog at 3:43 a.m. in the midst of a sleepless night, nothing good can come of it.

peace,

Joey Gruber passed on to Kingdom Fullness

2008-04-30T09:43:00.003-04:00

On the right of my blog has been a donation PayPal button for a 3 1/2 year old incredible little boy who had been suffering with a form of brain cancer and last night passed on to Kingdom fullness peacefully at home in the arms of his Mom. Please pray for the Gruber family, this breaks all of our hearts.

Here is the last blog post a couple days ago from Joey's Dad:

We are always glad to type messages here to share information about Joey. It lets us update everyone without having to repeat ourselves too much. We get so many messages, in many loving ways, and wish to send only a brief reply. Thank you in advance for giving us some privacy right now. Joey needs some rest and would be better without too much stimulation. We continue to pray and we will talk to you soon. To our great friends from work, Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for your genuine concern for our situation and protecting our livelihood in our absence. May God bless you and yours. To our friends and neighbors, Each morning and night we live of our lives so close to one another. We realize that our daily activities, even hardships and trials, are shared like family. We know that you are here for us even when our response is quiet. We could not ask for more than friends who are like family. To our dear family, Every time we face trouble, alone or together, we remain bound. Our strength and value has been built growing up with you. As youngest siblings, we will always look up to our brothers and sisters, and we have learned all the best about parenting through our moms and dads. We are blessed with strength from the love you always have for us. To Joey’s friends and caregivers, You will always have a most special place in Joey’s heart. Remember childhood all of your life. Try not to be sad for long periods of time. There is always a new episode of your favorite show coming up soon, or a book to read, or another game to play. And, To Claudia, I have rarely seen two people look at each other with such comfort, and share each others company with such great compatibility. It is like your souls have known each other long before you ever met. God bless you, your beautiful sister and your mom and dad. To Stacey, You mean the world to Joey. To say that you are #1 would be an understatement. Every single thing that you do is with love and good intention for him. Your motherly intuition has protected him and kept him safe all of his life. In no other arms has he felt so safe. With no one else does he enjoy himself as much. He loves you more than he could ever bring to words, and he loves you most of all. I also love you with all my heart. My love for you has grown because of Joey, and because of your love for one another. May God protect us and keep us together, as His, forever. To Joey, You are the best part of our lives. You have been given to us. We are blessed with you as our son. We have come to know great things in this world because of you. We have also learned how delicate these things, and our lives, may be. The fear of losing you is terrible and only God knows how much your mommy and I can endure. But, please know that we are best able to face each day because of you, and that our love for each other is greater because of you. We find everything we need in life, and many of the things we want, but the very gift of you, is the greatest thing we’ve ever had. Continue to be our beautiful son, always with God, and prayerfully here with us. More love than we could ever say, Mommy and Daddy.

Father, our hearts break for them, come and be their hope and peace this day.

Being Ready

2008-04-28T14:10:00.008-04:00

First of all, to keep up with the conversation, Check out Aaron's roll here:
blog roll

I want to state emphatically and upfront that I am Pro-Church. I am pro- the people of God on earth living in and asking for God's Kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven. As I pray for God to build His Church, there is a flipside to that . . . that means everything is negotiable and needs to be willing to be sacrificed at the altar. For me, that meant firing myself from paid ministry and taking a bi-occupational role. Thanks to Kevin Rains for reminding me that our bro, Chad Canipe (who passed onto Kingdom fullness in March 06) would say that we have one vocation, to seek first the Kingdom of God (Matt. 6:33). However, in that, we may have dual occupations or even a triad occupation. I'm not alone in having had worked as many as 3 jobs at a time to make ends meet to follow the calling of God on my life.

Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God."
Luke 19:23-27 (The Message)

But what I want to re-iterate is that everything needs to be submitted before God. Our expectations of what a comfortable American living has to be submitted. Our expectations of where we hold community meetings has to be submitted. Our assumptions of what we envision our role in the church being has to be submitted. Our financial margins and use of physical resources has to be submitted. Our sense of comfort and security has to be submitted. Where God calls, God provides and that will come at least in the form of daily bread. If we claim to follow Christ, that has to be enough for us. We have to be very careful to guard against making "professional" what is a spiritual role.

It is the sense of entitlement that I am speaking against when it comes to vocational roles in ministry. I am not against the idea of being paid, I am against the assumption that its the way it always has been and always will be. God does not owe us anything! Not a job, not a title of honor, not an air-conditioned office nor full time hours a week to be a spiritual leader. Now his provision may emody all of that for you, but we have to be okay if it doesn't. Truly, his grace needs to be sufficient for us and its not our place to demand more. Don't run from suffering, embrace it. Let it change you. Let it bring you to deeper exeperiences of God's hand on your life. Sweating blood on your night of Gaethsamane crying out to God to take care of your family is what dependence on Him looks like sometimes. If he desires to move in a different mode of paradigm, in submission, we have to be ready to go with him because there is no one else who holds the words of life.

So in this discussion I want to say that we as the Church need to be ready and willing to do whatever it takes to be the people of God on earth and embody his mission here. If it means bi-occupational for a generation or two because of economic and cultural factors, then so be it because the Church moves on. The Church is not bound by the factors, figures and the oil prices of this world. We can change, adapt and transition in new ways because we listen to a differnt King. And that King demands singular allegiance.

peace,

striking a nerve

2008-04-25T11:33:00.004-04:00

Ok, this issue has some really thoughtful and reflective people/friends posting on this subject so I wanted to list them here so you can check 'em out. I'm really digging their thoughts, experiences and voices on this issue of money/vocation/future church.

Steve Lewis

Kimberly Knoll

Mark Evans

Alan Creech

Glenn Johnson

Daniel So

Mike Bishop

Jason Evans

I'm sure much more is to come. Stay tuned.

Church, Money and the Future

2008-04-24T09:18:00.003-04:00

This conversation has a lot to unpack, check out these links to continue the conversation.

Mike Bishop

Jason Evans

Here is where this conversation has me today. Going back to 1998 (10 years ago) I saw all of these trends coming and internally felt a great disconnect between my identity as a paid vocational pastor and as a follower of Jesus on mission to release the Kingdom to my community. I found that they were not the same thing. I went to Seminary to leave ministry and try to find some answers.

Here is one of the things I learned:

- My Anthropology class said that if missionaries were to have a voice in thier missional context they would have to take an "acceptable" role in that community. You can't be a vocational missionary or pastor into a tribal group with whom that role doesn't exist. I knew that my context was with those that were well outside the church walls and that for "postmoderns", they had complete disdain for organizational structures and distrust in traditional pastoral roles. So to me, if I cared to be incarnational to this group of people, I had to sacrifice my vocational identity as a pastor and take a different role in culture to support my family. So I fired myself choosing to be something more like a bi-vocational
pastor/missionary and planted a house church network.

- This has been enormously difficult. From a physical standpoint, I have a Bachelors and a Masters degree that in one world (ministry) carries heavy weight and in another world (outside of ministry) had me laughed at in job interviews. It was a transition of total surrender, personal suffering, marital suffering etc. etc. I had to learn to follow Jesus and not have pre-set assumptions of what His provision would look like. I'm not even sure how we have paid the bills on paper looking back at some of those points but I can say most assuredly that we were/are never w/out daily bread. I've done everything from managing in the food industry, teaching and administrating at a Christian High School to teaching and administrating at a Christian University.

- From an emotional/pychological standpoint, it has been brutal. I guess it has some of the same attributes of a mid-life crisis. A loss of identity which is only somewhat healthy, this loss reveals how many false-idols you had in place, places where I should have had only a trust in Christ to begin with. Its a lot of pressure to process this internal identity shift with the realities of daily life, family and work. I had the opportunity to sit on a panel discussion last Fall in Seattle with Brian McLaren and George Barna who see these shifts and are writing about them and asked them how they think people like me can deal with this identity shift as ministry culture is changing. It was a little painful to realize that they had no answers and seemed had never even considered the question previously. I suppose in their vocations of writing and speaking they haven't had the same experience. So there is little help for this area within our culture except for one another.

- From a ministry standpoint it is both a taste of amazing freedom and a challenge of transitioning away from a role of "providing" to "empowering". My experience is that even in house churches, there are still a dose of folk who just want to be fed and have large expectations for leadership to do just that. However, there are a growing number of folk who embrace the community model and bring to the community as much or more than what they are withdrawing. That is the really good stuff. I'm learning as well to not care about other's expectations of me or my performance for them. I'm just a fellow sojourner with them figuring it out and wanting to give the Kindom away.

- What is the future? I have no idea. I encourage students (high school or college) to get degrees in fields that can support them regardless of their ministry aspirations. Get your theological training from the church community and not to see ministry as a professional, but as a missional servant. From there let God lead you and provide for you in the context. I would suspect that within 10 years due to these emerging church trends and economic realities in America that the number of vocational pastors may decrease by as much as 50%. Endowed churches and denominations will be able to hang in there longer and I suspect there will be a movement of consolidating local churches to regional churches to deal with the dwindling cash flow and top heavy debts.

- What is the future? One thing I do know. God and His Kingdom are an unstoppable force and is all pervasive reality. The spread of His Kingdom will not be squelched, it will continue on to the end of all things. It may be a process of purification but that is our calling anyways as the Bride of Christ. Our identities may end, our vocations may end, our buildings may end, our paradigms may end, our assmumptions may end . . . but the Kingdom will never end nor our invitation to participate in it. I'll be around for all of that, hope you can join me ;)

peace to the coming of His Kingdom,

This hurts

2008-04-23T10:01:00.003-04:00

My truck is paid off but the gas prices are killing me. I don't drive that much and its over $300 per month, not including my wife's car. So what does this project to as a national economy? Recession seems inevitable, will it go way beyond that? A nation already ruled by fear and over-spending with no margins by individuals and the government, what will be the consequences?

How will this impact churches and mortgages and credit lines that can't be fed? As builders pass on who are the committed givers what is left? 1/2 of boomers are there to give and the other 1/2 are driven past their financial margins with consumerism and can't help. Gen X and Millenials have very little value in long term comittments, are all about instant gratification and consumerism is their native language. Commonly this group of up and comers are living on 125-140% of their income taking on exponential debt per year. What will be the result of these decisions having no margins when the shoe drops?

Will American churches go the way of their European counterparts? Becoming really funky coffee houses, restaraunts, art galleries and dance clubs. Just things I wonder about.

peace,

House Churching

2008-04-20T21:14:00.002-04:00

So, we've been house churching for over 7 years now and there are just some nights where you walk away and say to yourself, "wow, now that is what church is all about". (of course you can have that experience in any church model, but I'm just speaking from my story) Tonight was one of those nights. Great meal together, great laughter around the table, great stories told, great discussion of Luke 19 and re-constructing what evangelism is, great further discussion on the gifts of the Holy Spirit, always great partaking of communion elements and great sense of being sent back out into our missional contexts for the week. So I guess what I'm saying is that I think it was pretty great.

peace to your week,

Vasectomy completed, recovery in process

2008-04-11T08:01:00.003-04:00

Boy, that was an interesting procedure. I won't go into details, but I'll just call the whole experience peculiar.

Kept a lovely conversation going on with Dr. Haaff, we covered the following topics:

* University education
* sons with developmental disabilities
* commercial development in our home of Liberty township
* running marathons and half marathons
* the astronomical rising inflation of Zimbabwe
* vacationing in South Africa
* WWII stories of his family immigrating from the Ukraine
* His grandfather having survived Siberia
* my desire to bring water and education to developing countries

So we got a lot accomplished on an intellectual level and I'm sure hoping he got accomplished on a procedural level what needed to be done.

I have very little soreness so I'm free today and throughout the weekend to watch the Masters tournament and anything else I'm in the mood for.

peace to your weekend,

Random happenings

2008-04-07T21:23:00.002-04:00

* I used to be the biggest fan and promoter of Skybus airlines that we've used a few times, most notably with $35 round trip tickets to New York City for Nicki and I in January. But Nicki and I were using them this past weekend to speak to our college's youth ministry senior retreat in Northern Illinois and after our Friday afternoon flight, they went out of business and stranded us in Wisconsin on Saturday. We had to rent a car and drive home from Milwaukee to Columbus to get our car and then down to Cincy. So a one hour plane trip turned into a 13 hour drive and no reimbursement plan, we have to dispute the charges on our credit card. So, not that Skybus cares, but I'm no longer a fan.

* I'm hoping for a good game tonight for the national championship in college hoops. It just started and its such a frenzy pace, makes me tired just looking at it.

* Last week I was accepted into a Doctorate of Organizational Leadership program with Indiana Wesleyan University. I now have to decide if I want to actually do it or not as it will define all my free time over the next 3 years. I sure like my free time but it may be a tool for me to eventually teach full time at the college level and get involved in the kind of non-profit work in developing countries that I have in mind.

* After one week, the Reds look pretty salty, I'm impressed.

* Took my kids out for ice cream tonight for really good report cards. I'm so blessed to have 3 great kids, I'm only truly "home" when I'm around them.

* If you sense the trembling in my typing its because I'm getting a vasectomy on Thursday afternoon and it has me fretting all week. The upside is that I will be sitting on frozen peas and watching Tiger Woods dominate the Masters tournament.

* I agreed today to run in a 4 person relay for the Flying Pig Marathon in 4 weeks. Not sure which leg will be mine but it will be slow plodded. So I'm trying to up my running and down my eating for the next 4 weeks to kick start some weight loss.

* I loved the extended time with my wife this past weekend, can never get enough of that.

that'll do for now.

peace,

MLB Baseball Preview

2008-04-02T20:10:00.003-04:00

Well, since my boy Al Martin called me out, I can lay down some wisdom on the 2008 MLB Baseball season. First of all, I quit my fantasy baseball league so that I can focus on my doctoral studies I may be starting this summer. That allows me to now focus on teams and not just my individual players. Here is my take on the divisional winners-

National League:

East - Philadelphia Phillies, ok I'm a homer but they have the best line-up in the NL in a hitters park and their pitching is maturing in time to win the division. I see the Braves making a run and competing with the Mets for the NL wildcard. The Mets are the best team on paper but injuries will hurt them.

Central - I'll go with my homer call of the Reds due to much improved starting pitchers w/ 2 young studs named Cueto and Volquez. the addition of Cordero as a closer should mean the difference of 10 more wins. This is an above average team winning a poor division. Cubs, Cardinals and Brewers have little to no pitching to win enough.

West - Arizona Diamondbacks. nice young line-up but Webb and Haren are a lethal 1-2 punch. They both may win 20 games and their bullpen is solid. I saw them on opening day here in Cincy and I can't wait for them to leave town. LA and Colorado will compete, but I'll give the nod to Arizona.

American League:

East - im tired of the hype of this division so I'll just say the Red Sox because of their balance of talent. nuff said and purposeful omittal here of the team in pinstripes.

Central - wow, great division. I'll go with the Tribe because of Sabbathia and Carmona 1-2 punch but the Tigers will be right there and will win the wild card.

West - Angels. Loaded with talent as well, I love Vladi, most exciting player in baseball in my mind.

World Series will be the Red Sox vs. the Phillies and the Phillies win in 6! Ryan Howard NL MVP and Series MVP. The man can rake.

Feel free to fight back on these with your own comments, just know that your comments are wrong ;)

peace,

i remember

2008-04-01T20:33:00.000-04:00

i remember when i used to be a good blogger

He is Risen!

2008-03-23T21:02:00.002-04:00

that rocks hizzy.

X Madness

2008-03-20T10:12:00.002-04:00

Ok, I'm a pretty big Xavier University Musketeer fan and this is one of the best all around teams we've had in a long time. We have potential to do a lot of damage to some brackets as a #3 seed in the West. Senior guards, inside-out game, very athletic, strong defense, tough schedule and a deep bench. That is a recipe for a deep run, but there is a reason they call it "March Madness" because you just never know. Today is Georgia, a freekishly hot team coming off their SEC tourney championship, but this was after a sub-par regular season. Xavier is clearly more talented, but Georgia more than anyone else in the tournament is truly playing with the house money which makes them dangerous. I don't want a close game today, my heart can't handle it. But I'll take a close victory over having to pack up my X gear for the summer by this afternoon.

This is a beautiful time of year, amateur sports at its best (well, amateurs producing billions of dollars for others).

I'm posting today to support my Jesuit Catholic brothers from the Nati. Let's go X!

peace to your madness,

why did they have to die?

2008-03-16T20:39:00.003-04:00

Chad Canipe/Mark Palmer

2 years ago this month I lost 2 of my best friends within 10 days of each other and it still hurts so badly. I'm not writing tonight to try and keep good theology, I'm writing because my heart is still broken. why did they have to die? I miss them, terribly, I miss them. I want to have coffee with Chad, I want to call Mark tonight and hear his heart again. But I can't do any of that, I have to sit in silence. I have to listen to music that reminds me of them and just cry. I didn't want them to go and I don't want any of it to be true.

I wanted that my prayer over Chad in his comma would put life back into him. I wanted that as he layed there dead in his bed and I asked him how to care for his family, that he could have answered me in this life. His family is so beautiful, i wanted them to have their husband and dad back. i never get over this wanting. never.

I wanted to crawl inside Palmer's body as he lay there with tumors eating at him and grab each one, grab each single one and squeeze the poison out of it. strangle each tumor of the life it was taking from Mark. i wanted him to raise up, come alive, speak the words of wisdom again. i wanted at his funeral as we were leaving the cemetery to head towards the memorial service that when i layed hands on the box that kept him and they buried in him in the ground that he would come out of that box. i wanted that life would breathe in him and he would spring from his grave. i still want that. i miss being inspired by Mark and his gifts, his words, his thoughts, his creativity, his passion for the Kingdom of God.

Peace is not being "okay" with it. Peace is not w/out pain. Peace is resting in singular allegiance to the King. I remain there but I'm in pain. I'm still wanting, I'm still disappointed.

Please don't preach to me. I know Chad and Mark are alive as never before. I know God is good and worthy of worship. But here's the thing, i experienced the life they are now encompassed in as they were here with me in this realm. I've tasted where they are at and it wreaks with life. We did it together here and they left to go bathe in it completely. I'm still waiting and I'm still wanting and it hurts.

What is this life of pointless jobs and aspirations? Dead goals and dead desires. aimless pursuits to get more stuff and get more dead. we major in decay and it sucks. we think we're so important but we are specs in a magnificent universe. The Kingdom is ultimate reality, it is all there is, there is nothing else. I want to experience it again with my brothers. I would call them fallen, but I think I'm the one who is still fallen.

Chad and Mark, I love you guys so much and miss you terribly. Can't wait to see you again.

peace,

Disciplines = life

2008-03-11T21:46:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I've returned to several of these disciplines I have been neglecting and what are the early results? I feel life within me. Apparently the disciplines I try so hard to avoid contain the very life I am craving. Who would have thunk it? Now all i have to do is be consistent . . . not exactly my strongpoint.

Seeking Transformation

2008-03-10T08:44:00.002-04:00

I've been in quite a rut of late, which you can judge by a total lack of blog posting. General unmotivations towards disciplines physically and spiritually. Could be the weather, constant grayness, ice, snow, rain etc. Although this weekend was very cool in that we got 15-16 inches of fresh snow and had a family weekend of just play and rest. It gave me a lot of downtime that I needed to ground myself, feel centered again and then begin to come to grips with better steps of transformation. Digging the snow out of my driveway is I suppose a metaphor of things I want to do to seek transformation. I want to dig out of the personal rut.

I want to increase my workouts from 1-2 days per week to 5-6 days, I miss the feeling of fitness. This will mean going to bed by 10:00 to get up by 5:30 or 6:00.

I want to slow down and read more, read anything. Newspaper, magazines, books, blogs. . . anything to feed the mind. This will mean less TV.

I want to blog more, write more of the thoughts that are bouncing around my heart and mind. Express what I'm feeling with words for a community to read and interact with.

I want to seek intentional times of silence and solitude. I'm looking for one day a month of intentional solitude for this extrovert to be quiet, create space and open my heart to God.

I want to date my wife more. Take some time for conversation and coffee to keep her informed of the dreams on my heart and listen to what's going on inside of her. When we talk, we tend to notice better the good things happening all around us and it always gives perspective.

Work is a crazy pace and there are so many unhealthy things outside of my control that I want to care about it less and focus on the places in my life that are redemptive and beautiful. I'm seeking a transformation in my attitude towards vocation.

To me, we are never done seeking Christ and His transformation. Becoming the people of God on earth is a high calling and I want to get back to some doable and simple steps of "monking in the real world". Creating space for God to do what God does, change us into His likeness.

stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,

Freedom and UnFreedom

2008-02-16T10:20:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, my 11 yr. daughter Alison and I went to the Underground Railroad Freedom Center in Downtown Cincinnati. It opened a few years back but we hadn't had a chance to go. She wrote a research paper this year on Harriet Tubman and that really sparked her intererest. It was a great education, we did the audio tour and took about 4 hours to take it in. I found the whole topic to be very moving at times. Here are some hightlights:

1) Without question, one should give the suffering of African Americans through slavery time to let it sit in and feel the shame of the beginnings of American history. I was pretty emotional sitting in the slave holding house re-constructed in the center, you could hear the walls talking or I should say crying.
De-humanization is evil and it has always existed in humanity. African American slavery is certainly another example and I was moved to want to find someone of slave decent and just say that I was sorry. My ancestors came later from Northern Ireland to Philly and came after the Emancipation Proclamation and were not slave owners as far as I can tell. However, being a white male, we are yet responsible for racisms and prejudices in our culture.

2) One of the exhibits portrayed a Presbyterian minister named John Rankin who was a conductor on the underground railroad with his 13 children. They built a home across the Ohio River in Ripley, Ohio across from Kentucky and became a safe haven and passage for slaves escaping to freedom being hunted. It got me thinking because Rankin is my family name going back to Northern Ireland so I did some research. Without question we are from the same ancestry in Northern Ireland and originally from Scotland running from religious persecutions. There were 13 Rankins who immigrated to Philadelphia from Northern Ireland in the late 1700's and early 1800's and John's Dad and my known most distant relative were together at that time. Not sure of the relation, just the connection. When we were parking on our way into the museum, my daughter asked me if I thought we would have been a family that assisted on the underground railroad. I told her that I hoped we would and it turns out that we have distant relation to a family who did just that because of his convictions to see all people as children in the Kingdom of God. I love that connection.

3) The topic of freedom has many applications. The museum did a good job of ending the experience with issues of racism, poverty, injustice and slavery still in the world today. When I saw several mentions of Ghandi I couldn't help but sit and reflect on our friends Sunil and Pam Sardar and their present struggle in India trying to continue the work of freeing the Dalits (untouchable caste). They are facing the same evil systems fueled by greed that have enslaved so many in the past. It leaves you with a great deal of responsibility to do something with our life helping others in their struggle for freedom.

Galatians 5:13-15 (The Message)
It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?

Those of us who have freedom need to give it away in service to those yet experiencing Unfreedom.

peace to a Kingdom that is coming where freedom reigns for all,

Ordinary Community Goes on Retreat

2008-01-31T19:01:00.000-05:00

This weekend is our annual Ordinary Community winter retreat. Its a cold, dark and gray time of year here in the Nati and we have traditionally gotten away to spend uninterupted time with God and one another. I think this is our 5th one, but can't be sure. Being a network of house churches in the burbs of Cincinnati its critically important for us to carve off intentional time in our schedules for community and worship. Its a time for catching up, time for bonding, time for support, time for encouragement, time for reflection and prayer, time for unbridled worship and time to immerse ourselves in the Holy Scriptures.

We typically have some sort of theme that gives us focus for our sessions and for the stuff the kids do together as well. This year's theme is "Glorious". We will reflect on:
1) The Glory of God - being encompassed in the Glory that is God's alone
2) The glory of 'me' - receiving the gift our belovedness from our Abba
3) The glory of our world - being in mission to our world and the people upon it
- we'll have a bit of a late night worship/prayer/reflection session on Saturday night in which there is little agenda, God can do what He wants (of course that's always true)

I'm blessed that I belong to a tribe of Christ followers that value community time together and carving out space for God to show His Glory. It's time to prepare my heart and mind for something Glorious.

peace to your weekend,

U2 3D

2008-01-30T23:38:00.000-05:00

After a discouraging day at work, I took myself to see the U2 3D movie at the iMax. 2 words = Friggin' Great!
I suppose you need to be a bit of a U2 freak but it was exactly what the dr. ordered, I dug it.

Golden Compass re-visited

2008-01-26T11:00:00.000-05:00

Last night I brought my 9 year old and 11 year old daughters to see the Golden Compass at the cheap theater. For all the hype and controversy I wanted to experience it.

First off, unlike what the fear mongers predicted, my children did not decide to renounce their baptisms and claim allegiance to an agnostic worldview. Rather, they didn't connect much at all to the worldview portrayed. The construct of the story didn't fit or connect with them. They left saying they much prefer the way Narnia tells a story than the Compass and that they aren't interested in the rest of the series of films. They are thinking for themselves and interpreting critically the things they see and hear and experience. These are the skills I'm glad to see developing. If the Kingdom of God is ulitmate reality, why are we scared of opposing views? Can't our kids experience the Kingdom for themselves and then let the powers of this world pale in comparison? No need to fear. the Kingdom has no equal in power.

On our drive home, we even had a conversation where I introduced them to the worldview of "secular humanism". A construct where the center of the world is us and our pleasures and our accomplishments. The enemy is anything that tells us to submitt or that limits humanity. This is the fallacy of the Enlightenment experiment, that humans and science can solve all the great questions and problems of humanity. And anyone believing in a God-centered world is simply believing in medieval superstition. There is no God, we are the center and the great hope. The arrogance of humanism is staggering to me. The Creation around us is so incredibly complex and well designed, I can think of nothing else but that it points to the reality of a Great Designer.

I like the old saying, that a wise man says: "there is a God, and I'm not him". This is the beginning of the Kingdom worldview. It is about submission to eternal truths about our world and how we should live. It is the beginning of true freedom and the dispelling of fear. This begins a whole new agenda, not one centered around me, but one cetered around the Kingdom of God. Living in this agenda comes with a power that need not fear a cultural enemy, rather it is in our nature to respond and think with grace and peace.

peace to your Kingdom agenda today,

New York New York

2008-01-22T19:54:00.000-05:00

Just got back from 4 days in New York City with my wife to celebrate our 15th year of marriage. I really hadn't been there since I was in junior high but it was good to get back to the east coast for some great food and culture. We took in a couple Broadways shows (Wicked and Monty Python Spamalot), ate some great meals and generally had a blast. We did a ton of walking in the bitter cold but several trips to Starbucks helped mask the cold. We saw so much of the city in 4 days: Times Square, Central Park, 5th and Madison ave., Macy's and Empire State Building, ground zero, statue of liberty, SoHo, Greenwich Village, Chinatown, Wall st. etc. Its a pretty amazing city.

Here is a plug for the Skybus airlines. We got the deal cuz I jumped on it early for $10 one way flights from Columbus to Newburgh, NY about 55 miles north of the city. We took a bus shuttle and train from there and it worked flawlessly with no hassle. We also stayed at a great hotel in midtown Manhattan thanks to Hotwire for about 30% of its normal price.

The highlight in the city that never sleeps was time spent with my wife. She is truly my life companion and we just always click when we are together. After 15 years, the honeymoon continues. It was like a 4 day date and I'm already wanting to plan next year's trip. I'm blessed to have found someone not only that I can spend the rest of my life with but the peson I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Good to be home with the kids, but I miss New York already.

peace,

Hiroshima?

2008-01-10T09:26:00.000-05:00

Last night I was teaching the 4th night of a 5 week course in World Civilization and we ended up in 1945 and the use of the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima. The decision to use it to end the war by instantly killing a hundred thousand civilians resulted in ongoing military ethics, nuclear arms race, the cold war and beyond. Did the killing of 100,000 Japanese civilians save the lives of 1 million Americans who may have died in an invasion of Japan until surrender? Having been born in 1972 I cannot even begin to understand the state of mind of these days in history and I won't pass judgment sitting in my hindsight chair. I think the only position I'm comfortable with is pro-peace and opposition to all forms of war.

I found this transcript in my research, interesting to read a physicist's first hand account of having lost his illusion that America would be different. It is this kind of realization that Modernism and the Enlightenment failed that is the birthpangs of postmodernism. Science did not create a utopia, it created the ability for more destruction amongst humanity.

Copyright, August 15, 1960, U.S. News & World Report.
President Truman Did Not Understand
Dr. Leo Szilard, 62, is a Hungarian-born physicist who helped persuade President Roosevelt to launch the A-bomb project and who had a major share in it. In 1945, however, he was a key figure among the scientists opposing use of the bomb.

Q Would most other nations, including Russia, have done the same thing we did, confronted with the same opportunity to use the bomb?

A Look, answering this question would be pure speculation. I can say this, however: By and large, governments are guided by considerations of expediency rather than by moral considerations. And this, I think, is a universal law of how governments act.

Prior to the war I had the illusion that up to a point the American Government was different. This illusion was gone after Hiroshima.

Perhaps you remember that in 1939 President Roosevelt warned the belligerents against using bombs against the inhabited cities, and this I thought was perfectly fitting and natural.

Then, during the war, without any explanation, we began to use incendiary bombs against the cities of Japan. This was disturbing to me and it was disturbing many of my friends.

Q Was that the end of the illusion?
A Yes, this was the end of the illusion. But, you see, there was still a difference between using incendiary bombs and using the new force of nature for purposes of destruction. There was still a further step taken here - atomic energy was something new.

I thought it would be very bad to set a precedent for using atomic energy for purposes of destruction. And I think that having done so we have greatly affected the postwar history.

Post edited

2008-01-07T22:41:00.001-05:00

I've never deleted a post before, but I'm embarassed by my team tonight. 5 personal foul penalties, dropped passes, special teams mistakes and poor tackling. What's left to play for is pride. I'm happy we've made it to the big game 2 years in a row, but its another night of an upset stomach and complete disappointment. Speed isn't beating us tonight, we are just completely being outplayed. Props to LSU. Too bad we don't have a playoff system, would be great to see LSU play USC next week. The NCAA is missing the boat on what could be great.

No excuses tonight, just embarrasment.

Politics and the Kingdom

2008-01-05T10:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went with the honorable, Glenn Johnson, to see Charlie Wilson's war and it got me thinking. The film in and of itself is well done and did what I'm sure it set out to do. Tell the story of how we helped Afghanistan defeat the Soviet Union in the 1980's to help the U.S. win the Cold War while leaving it open to questions of how it may have created the kind of infrastructure vacuum that created the Taliban regime, Bin Laden as a folk hero and eventually 9/11. I think it did just that.

However, it got me thinking on another level. It graphically used the political motives and leverages of God, Religion and the Church. All was fair game in power and manipulation as long as it suited the humanist end, in this case helping helpless Afghans.

So here are my questions?
1) From a Kingdom worldview, are not the lives of the Russians as valuable as Afghans? They kept repeating the phrase "killing Russians" as their goal and each time it made me cringe. In a war, we de-humanize our enemies and legitimize any action we may take towards them. In the 80's, the U.S. had an ethic that it was okay to kill Russians. Now those ethics have shifted. Now it is okay to kill Afghans and label them terrorists to fit our new political agendas and war mongering. We no longer want to kill Russians, just terrorists, whoever they may be. The largest target is an Afghan named Osama Bin Laden. The ethics have shifted.

2) Is it really okay for the Church to want to get into bed with political powers of shifting ethics? The National spotlight on the 2008 elections has a clear view of the Evangelical vote as a leveraged power player. Is this the game the Church should be in? Is this the hope for the U.S.? Forget that question, is this our best idea to be the hope for the world? In this cynic's opinion, the compromises required to play in this kingdom's political power systems causes the Church to lose its identity as an agent of action following the Sermon on the Mount, not shifting ethics.
Politics are fundamentally about the acquisition of worldly power. The Kingdom of God is fundamentally about the disengagement with this world's agenda and the inner transformation to a Kingdom agenda. They are diametrically opposed. I will vote and participate in the elections, but I cannot abdicate an alliance between the Church and Political entities.

feel free to argue back. so much for avoiding religion and politics in public arenas. i've never been good at following rules ;)

peace,

The vocation of God

2007-12-21T11:12:00.000-05:00

Philippians 3

12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
15-16So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.

I turned 35 this month and I am 100% committed to a vocation I'm still learning about . . . changing the world. Once you do a bit of it, it's really addictive.

I am an academic advisor as a full time job to support my family. I also have a part-time job as adjunct faculty for a University for extra money and I love teaching. I have a pastoral role to my house church community and network. I am a husband, father, son, brother, neighbor, friend, boss, citizen, mentor etc. to others. But all of these roles fall under my big picture, umbrella vocation of changing the world. I think I am here in this realm to change and be changed. To myself be transformed into the image of Christ and in turn work at changing the world to answer Jesus' prayer that "your Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven". That is a really big idea.

I think one of our issues in humanity (in the church and outside of it) is that we have small ideas about ourselves and our world. We serve little gods, we aspire to small ideas, we dream small dreams, we liimit our expectations to what we know. But a life wrapped up in the worship of the One true God brings you to a different place altogether. A place where you see outside of yourself, you see the world as God sees it and you begin to dream bigger dreams. It is time with God that feeds my vocation to change the world. He is utterly amazing and fills my soul with such life, I wish I spent more time in His presence.

But be careful. To get wrapped up in the vocation of God requires everything. Literally, everything. Death can't be a barrier, comfort can't be a barrier, personal status can't be a barrier, suffering must be embraced, accusations must be expected, rejection must be acceptable and so on. But as you dip into his life, you find more life and it is completely addicting.

This Christmas I worship at the feet of the One who came and called me to bigger ideas for me and my world. On the day I die, may I be found faithful to the vocation of God.

peace to you and a Kingdom Come,

For us!

2007-12-17T08:58:00.000-05:00

This was our advent reflection from this weekend, I think I read it over 20 times through this weekend and I'm still pondering its significance. The promise came for us, thank God!
Isaiah 9:1-7A Child Has Been Born—for Us!
1 But there'll be no darkness for those who were in trouble. Earlier he did bring the lands of Zebulun and Naphtali into disrepute, but the time is coming when he'll make that whole area glorious— the road along the Sea, the country past the Jordan, international Galilee.
2-7The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light.
For those who lived in a land of deep shadows—
light! sunbursts of light!
You repopulated the nation,
you expanded its joy.
Oh, they're so glad in your presence!
Festival joy!
The joy of a great celebration,
sharing rich gifts and warm greetings.
The abuse of oppressors and cruelty of tyrants—
all their whips and cudgels and curses—
Is gone, done away with, a deliverance
as surprising and sudden as Gideon's old victory over Midian.
The boots of all those invading troops,
along with their shirts soaked with innocent blood,
Will be piled in a heap and burned,
a fire that will burn for days!
For a child has been born—for us!
the gift of a son—for us!
He'll take over
the running of the world.
His names will be: Amazing Counselor,
Strong God,
Eternal Father,
Prince of Wholeness.
His ruling authority will grow,
and there'll be no limits to the wholeness he brings.
He'll rule from the historic David throne
over that promised kingdom.
He'll put that kingdom on a firm footing
and keep it going
With fair dealing and right living,
beginning now and lasting always.
The zeal of God-of-the-Angel-Armies
will do all this.

God is good. Peace to your reflection of a Kingdom Come.

"I Got JESUS!"

2007-12-11T17:42:00.000-05:00

Now before you jump to conclusions, let me explain.

I was talking on the phone with my wife last night while I was driving home from work. I heard my 5 year old son, Zach, screaming in the background but couldn't make out what he was saying. (He's on the autism spectrum but developing well at his own pace). My wife said, he screaming, "I Got JESUS!" and running around. Now it may be the dream of every parent to hear their 5 year old scream such words of allegiance, but let me finish the context.

He is taking his air-action, nerf-ball pump gun and snipering baby Jesus out of the Manger scene on our family room coffee table. Wooden baby Jesus was getting picked off by the skills of his nerf gun which sent him into exclamations of, "I Got JESUS!!"

I longed to hear Zach speak these words, but I thought they might be in a different context. I think even Jesus thinks its funny.

Ha! Peace,

The Eve of turning 35

2007-12-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

Tommorrow I turn 35, here are some highlights of the first 35 years of my earthly realm so far.

1) I was a decision of my Mom's during my parent's divorce proceedings. They had already decided to divorce but my Mom thought that God wanted her to have one more child, so my Dad obliged. That's the story as I understand it. My Mom hid her pregnancy of me because the church folk knew the marriage was breaking up and as church folk do so well, they came down on her with judgment and condemnation. So she never saw a Doctor until she walked into the hospital in NE Philly in the snow late on December 7 in labor. She delivered me as a single mom at 5:00 a.m. on December 8 as the nurses and doctors from the night shift were finishing their philly cheesesteaks. I've always had a love affair w/ those cheesesteaks ever since. I was predominantly raised by a single Mom who worked all day and went to school at night to provide a life and opportunity for me and my brother and sister. She paid for my college education and everything else I ever needed growing up. We have had our differences, but that woman is a stud! Because she chose to persevere and provide, I got a chance in this life. Thanks Mom.

2) My growing up years were dominated by sports. They were my outlet for my anger and intense emotions. They were as well my identity, I was how I played. (Talk about a recipe for disaster) I had talent, but my real gifts were my mind and passion. There were always more talented players, but I was determined none would be smarter than me and none could match my passion. Most days I was right about that. But with that came my fatal flaw as an athlete, inconsistency. A streaky player in all the sports I played, always ended with quality stats but it was a roller coaster to get there. I played a little college baseball but largely gave up this entire identity to pursue other passions.

3) Ministry has always been a passion area for me since January of 1990, it was then that I became a follower of Jesus. At 17 I preached my first sermon and been in some form of ministry ever since. These past 17 years have been a whirlwind of activity in several contexts always trying to pursue the Kingdom and offer it to others. God has allowed me to travel to study, teach or be in mission to the following countries: Canada, Mexico, Dominican Republic, England, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Austria, Holland, Ukraine, India, Israel and Palestine. I absolutely love to travel and be on adventure or pilgrimmage, I hope to do it the rest of my life.

4) Relationships define me now. I belong to Abba God, he has my singular allegiance. I belong to my wife Nicki for going on 15 years now, she is an amazing support to me and my best friend and smokin' hot! I belong to my 3 kids, Ali, Megan and Zach, I am not home anywhere unless I am with them. I belong to Ordinary Community, my spiritual family, they spur on my Christ following. I belong to Elpida, a network family of other Christ Followers who are some of the most intimate friends I have ever had (you know who you are). I belong to Paul McGillivary and Glenn Johnson as my accountability brothers, they have full permission to speak into my life to say what needs to be said.

5) I have become a pretty decent teacher over the years with teen, young adult and older adult students all over the world now doing some pretty amazing things that I feel so blessed to have been a voice in their journey. Each teaching experience for me is another opportunity for me to learn and connect and spread a dangerous way of thinking, that is the virus known as the Kingdom of God coming straight from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount.

Well, tomorrow I turn 35. Sounds good, bring it on! I still think I'm just getting started.

Peace to you to stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,

Missional Fight Clubs?

2007-12-06T10:16:00.000-05:00

I think this was done in 2003 or 2004, but Jim Henderson from Off the Map interviewed Kevin Rains and myself about our experimentation in building relational networks with like-minded Kingdom folk and this is the transcript. I still find myself closely akin to these thoughts.

Missional Communities--Join the Fight Club!

Kevin Rains and Chris Marshall lead missional communities in Cincinnati. They've been brought together by a mutual interest and a need for support. They've invited several other missional leaders from the region to join with them in something they're calling The Fight Club. Kevin and Chris recently sat down (at their computers) with Off The Map to fill us in on their view of the missional community movement. How did you guys meet? And why, since you live in the same city, did you not meet sooner?
Kevin: I met Chris because a guy from New Zealand mentioned him on his website. So essentially we lived for years in the same city, share a near identical vision for church and ministry, but met because a guy seven thousand miles away wrote a couple sentences about this experiment in Cincinnati called "Ordinary Community." We probably didn't meet any sooner because we're more interested in flying under the radar and stirring up trouble quietly and in hidden ways... guerilla church! I guess if we were good at marketing and promotion we would be running a big business or a big church.
Chris: I actually knew of Kevin's group of communities but had never taken the time to make the connection (choosing instead in my youth to believe that I had an original idea). When Kevin contacted me, we got together at Starbucks. He asked me straight up what my intentions were. I told him that I wanted to live in Cincinnati for the rest of my life and ask God for his Kingdom to come. It rang true with his intentions. That was the beginning of a brotherhood.

What's your church background. Which groups/denominations have you been a part of?
Kevin: I was baptized Episcopalian as a baby, grew up Baptist, spent a couple years in an independent Reformed church in high school, and eventually migrated toward the Vineyard via YWAM during my college days. All my current heroes are Roman Catholic. I'm a spiritual mutt.
Chris: I'm from a broken family. We attended my Mom's fundamental Baptist Church three times a month, and my Dad's basement Pentecostal Church once a month. I grew up either spiritually confused or angry, depended on the day. I got suspended from Catholic school five times, got married and ordained in an independent Bible Church, attended Evangelical Free college, served as youth pastor in the Disciples of Christ and Reformed Churches, interned at the Cincinnati Vineyard and went to a United Methodist Seminary. Yup, I'm a mutt too.

What's been happening in the Midwest in relationship to the missional community movement?
Kevin: I recently heard Bono, the lead singer in the band U2, speak in Indianapolis and he said something to the effect of "One could easily grow a movement in the fertile soil of the Mid-west." That resonated with me and confirmed what I have felt since I was a kid. I grew up in Cincinnati and have dreamed since high school of a disciple-making, church planting movement in my hometown and this whole region. What started happening a few years ago is that several like-minded young dreamers started finding each other (mostly via the internet) and began relating. There's this informal web of relationships that exists from Cincy to Lexington to Columbus to Indianapolis to Dayton.

Chris: We're also finding that there are people who are dreaming up their own dreams in their own neighborhoods in every part of the country. Some of them are coming this summer just to hang with us a bit and see what we do (it’s pretty ordinary), but any excuse to throw a party and we're all for it. Hospitality is one of the key spiritual gifts to this gig and so having others come and receive hospitality from us is a great way to catch the missional community focus. We also are hosting our 3rd worship gathering this Easter which will consist of four different missional community networks. Quarterly gatherings say we're not alone.

Let's keep it real. When it comes to being edgy, Cincinnati isn't the first city that comes to mind. How did that happen?
Kevin: Cincinnati rocks! We just don't want everybody moving here so we keep it kind of quiet. It's truly an amazing city, but I can't tell you why in this public forum or there might be a mass movement here and we'll lose that small town mixed with big city flair we have. Oops. I may have just told you part of the secret. The rest will require a decoder ring.
Chris: We say that Cincy is like Nazareth: "Can anything good come out of Cincinnati?" God's got a sense of humor.

What's the reason you guys gathered a bunch of like-minded missional community types?
Kevin: We're desperate. Pioneering is lonely, slow, and hard. It helps to have a few other people who really get it to speak into your life.
Chris: Tying our boats together give us a broader view of the murky waters known as the future. More personally, when I hit the wall, these guys cared for me. Brotherhood is irreplaceable; life's too short to be isolated.

Why the name?
Kevin: Actually it's just a nickname. On the way to the first meeting I was strongly impressed to not name it and not try to make it anything. Just build a few friendships and let Jesus do what he wants with it. So we decided to not name it. Perhaps a name will emerge. Chris can tell you how we got the nickname -- he said it first.
Chris: Brad Pitt is cool. Actually in the movie "fight club" these underground pseudo communities pop up out of a desperate attempt to find something "real." They attend neighborhood support groups because "it's cheaper than a movie and there's free coffee." I suppose this is ordinary enough for us to shoot for.

What are you hoping to accomplish through Fight Club?
Kevin: To support, mutually equip, resource, love, and network a few guys that dream similar dreams... that are interested in being a part of a movement that Jesus leads and they facilitate... and to pick a few fights along the way.
Chris: What he said. For the first time in my ministry life I am doing something I believe in. I'm no longer turning the crank and running the machine; I wear my passion on my sleeve daily. I want to network with doers who feel the same way. If you're interested in waxing eloquently about postmodernism and deconstructing Church but you're not attempting anything in the real world, you're not invited. Fight Club is for doers who take risks, partner with God for the future and put feet on their dreams.

From your perspective, what is a missional community? What sets it apart from say a traditional church?
Kevin: They tend to be smaller by design. They are more like AA or Fight Clubs than institutions. They talk more about reproduction than growth, relationships more than meetings. They are poorer. They rarely have buildings and don't dream of getting one and when they do get one they're not really sure what to do with it. They have no super stars. They read Nouwen more than Warren, and Church history more than Barna, but they love the whole church and are not angry or reactive against the traditionalistss or the mega-church guys. They just dream something different. Basically we want to be part of a kingdom movement, we're not about building an empire.
Chris: We count differently. We count relationships as our main event. We have to lower the bar of performance; excellence is not in our vocabulary. If it's not doable, we can't do it. Eighty to ninety per cent of our giving can go back out in mission; it isn't used to keep the organization running. The gift of teaching is not as crucial as the gift of hospitality. The priesthood of all believers is not an idealistic theology, it's necessary for survival. There aren't any power seats, nobody's getting paid. The focus can remain on authentic community and relational mission. Missional Communities are a way to do church in the new world that happens to fit our gift mix and passion areas.

What is it about this movement that you enjoy most? What worries you most?
Kevin: I sometimes feel like I'm carrying around this secret in my pocket. Sometimes I take it out and look at it and feel like giggling. Other times I pull it out and it scares me like maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Mostly I love the room to create and experiment and try things and fail and nobody in the big world of evangelicalism really cares all that much. I guess I love feeling like a scientist who is banking his whole life on an idea or a designer fooling around with prototypes all the while putting the idea/prototype through the most rigorous tests and refining it, reworking it, rethinking it... at times nearly starting over. But there's that sense of possible discovery, of finding something that actually works and ends up being helpful, a blessing to lots of people. That's what I enjoy... the experimentation for a purpose.
What worries me is that we'll succeed at being "communities" but fail at being "missional." I think the community part is happening pretty naturally. The missional part still needs a lot of work. At least with the communities I'm a part of and most of the ones I know of. I'm hopeful though... we have time. We'll figure it out. We have incredible resources like the Spirit of Christ, models from church history like the Celtic missionary monastics, some good mentors are emerging like Todd Hunter, Brian McLaren and the wonderful Jim Henderson.... and time is on our side. Most of the folks I'm tracking with are in their twenties and thirties.

Chris: This fits my two passions, relationships and evangelism. Being in this fulfills a sense of destiny for me. I enjoy the fact that its authentic and creative, not words I associated with Church growing up. It lowers the bar so everybody can play. Celebrities have to get over it.

For the first time in my life, I'm doing ministry and feel comfortable in my own skin at the same time. What worries me? At times, its really @#$% hard. It's painful, it's vulnerable, it goes hand in hand with suffering. Not everyone is wired for painting outside the lines. People will leave and go back to "big" church and you take it personally. Friends and family may never understand you. It will stretch you during this transition time in culture because it only exists on the margins of evangelicalism. When it is mentioned, it's seen as a church growth strategy (Big Mistake!).
Community is not a means (strategy) to and end (church growth). It's an end in and of itself (Kingdom of God expressed in the now). The worry is half of the exhilaration!

Why He Came

2007-12-03T12:53:00.000-05:00

Advent has begun, the time of the Church year where we "prepare for His arrival". On Sunday, we reflected on the shoot that comes from the stump of Jesse. Yet the readers of Isaiah had to wait 750 years before the fulfillment of that prophecy. Sometimes waiting in the Kingdom of God requires a lot of patience, but it always soon ends in joy.

It was 2 years ago on that early December morning that I received the call to get to the hospital ASAP because my 21 month old niece had stop breathing in the night. I remember racing with my wife to the hospital with one singular thought, I wanted to get my hands on that child and raise her. My only thought in that moment was that its what our Gospel is all about, new life. When we got into the room w/ Becky still holding Kate I became overtly aware that a resurrection was not to be. As I stroked Kate's hair I found myself praying words of Thanksgiving to a God who created us out of dust. A resurrection in the way I had hoped was not to be and we were left with an overwhelming sense of grief and loss.

There has been an amazing amount of healing and beauty as we as a family and a church communiy have grieved and mourned these past couple years, but it will always be a part of my Advent reflections. It is Kate's death why Jesus came. It is Chad's death of why Jesus came. It is Jennifer and Mark Palmer's death as why Jesus came. He didn't leave us to death!! He showed up in our death, he came to our broken world and changed all the rules of death. The oppressive nature of death's finality has been abolished, completely dismantled. It no longer exists as a tyrant, Jesus brought a coup. And he didn't come with a frontal assault, he slipped in the backdoor in the middle of the night and brought a subversive Kingdom. I'm in awe of why Jesus came but in this Advent season I am unspeakingly grateful.

The sting of death is gone, it is now just a passage into deeper life. Kate, Chad, Mark and Jennifer have made that passage. I sometimes long to be where they are. But until then, I want to drink deeply from the fountain that flows from the manger under that Star. In times of deep disappointment I find hope in that light. Sometimes you have to wait, but I assure you, it will soon end in joy.

Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,

I support Ron Paul

2007-11-28T09:25:00.000-05:00

I think I will spend some time around this ordinary blog corner spouting my political thoughts here and there. Let me start today with the basics.

1) Ultimately, I am not a citizen of this world but of the Kingdom of God which is eternal. So all my allegiances are fundamentally there first. I have singular allegiance to King Jesus. My hope is not in a political or governing system, its in the eventual fullness of the Kingdom of God.
2) While I am here on earth and in this particular context/culture named the USA, I have a responsibility to be "salt and light" and incarnate the Kingdom in every way I see how. This is the arena where I see politics having a slight role.
3) I fully understand my brothers and sisters who have a more strict view of not participating in this world's business. They are strict pacifists, dont' vote and don't get involved politically and would argue that the stance represents Jesus. Some of that I couldn't argue with as long as our views are consistent. If I could find some land that wasn't attached to a nation and live out the Kingdom there then I could more understand. But I am in this context and to feed my kids I cash my check in these banks so I have to assume that it is this system I am here to be salt and light in. I am however largely a pacifist except in particular cases of self-defense and am not comfortable pledging the American flag or pledging allegiance to anything or anybody except Jesus alone.
4) I do not belong to nor can I support the "religious right", "moral majority", "evangelical Republicans" etc. etc. They are in bed with this world's political systems and with arrogance they thirst for power. I don't buy their "values", their approach, their motives, their theology and I could keep going. They are narrow and simplistic in their politics and claim to be the only representation of God's heart and mind. I reject that notion.
5) I have extremely little hope in politics. To me its a broken system that justifies its own existence and has nothing to do with serving the people it represents. The difference between rich, power mongering Republicans and rich, power mongering Democrats is in my mind hardly a difference at all. Our 2 party system is a fundamental flaw in our gov't, one less party and we have a dictatorship. I admitt, I still vote but with a lot of apathy. Its always choosing the least of evils.
6) Dr. Ron Paul (libertarian running as Republican) may be curing my apathy. He's human, he's no demi-god as his most militant supporters out there seem to place him as. But I find him extremely smart and consistent. That's leadership I can vote for.

I will spend some time unpacking why I support Ron Paul in specific to his policies and also indicating the areas I disagree with him in. In summary, I love his foreign policy (get out of Iraq and stop nation building), his economics (free market and a tiny gov't) and his progressive ideas (abolish Fed. bank, opt out of social security, stop alligning with UN etc.). I think I disagree with his immigration policy and am looking into it further. Thanks to Jason Evans for muddying the waters on the immigration issue for me. Now instead of an issue on paper, I see people thanks to Jason.

That suffices a political blog for now.

The real Kingdom is the one that is all around you today if you stop to notice it.

peace,

I'm Stumped

2007-11-27T12:16:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 11
A Green Shoot from Jesse's Stump
1-5 A green Shoot will sprout from Jesse's stump, from his roots a budding Branch.
The life-giving Spirit of God will hover over him,
the Spirit that brings wisdom and understanding,
The Spirit that gives direction and builds strength,
the Spirit that instills knowledge and Fear-of-God.
Fear-of-God
will be all his joy and delight.
He won't judge by appearances,
won't decide on the basis of hearsay.
He'll judge the needy by what is right,
render decisions on earth's poor with justice.
His words will bring everyone to awed attention.
A mere breath from his lips will topple the wicked.
Each morning he'll pull on sturdy work clothes and boots,
and build righteousness and faithfulness in the land.

I'm trying to multi-task and prepare for our family devotions this Sunday morning for the first week of advent and I read this passage and it just crippled me. Out of the stump of Jesse will come a Hope that I just cannot relate to. Everything He does is not what I tend to do.

I am impatient, he is nothing but ever-patient.
I am self-focused, he is sacrifically about others.
I make quick judgments based on externals, he looks at the heart.
I want fairness for me, he seeks justice for the needy.
I complain and grumble, he rolls up his sleeves and works on a new creation.
I speak prideful words, his words spark life.
I toil and work to control my meager outcomes, his very presence causes the cosmos to worship.

Are you kidding me? Jesus is all that I hoped for and long for. I am trying to deny my flesh and wait this Advent season. I'm awaiting that coming Hope that sneaks in the backdoor on Christmas morning announcing to the Shepherds of a Kingdom that has come.

Maybe its the coffee speaking, but I am just in awe reflecting on the One that comes from the stump of Jesse.

peace,

Bengals 35 Titans 6

2007-11-26T09:47:00.001-05:00

Chad & T.J.

Where in the world has this team been all year? As I predicted, after it was already too late, they would start pouring it on. I can only shake my head and wonder, its not the first time they broke our hearts and then showed us they were capable all along. As well as they played yesterday, we only have next year to look forward to regardless of the fact we have 5 games left to play this year. This team is a roller coaster of emotions. I tried not to care, it didn't work. Good to see the Bengals play to their potential.

On a Buckeyes note: Go Oklahoma and Pitt! If one of them wins, we're in the big show game again and let's hope if we get there that we show up this time.

peace,

Saying No to the Golden Compass

2007-11-21T15:15:00.000-05:00

I have gotten several forwarded emails to boycott the Golden Compass movie coming out. How it was made by an atheist author who was combatting C.S. Lewis' books and in the end its a metaphor of killing God. * * sigh * *

I'm always skeptical of the truth of these emails as it has a mob mentality of fighting a great and wicked evil. I admitt, I know nothing about this author nor the movie. However, are we so insecure that we (Christendom) can't handle an opposite viewpont of our own? Its a movie, even if my eldest daughter saw it unknowingly, would it wipe away 11 years of spiritual formation from her home? If the conclusion to a moving picture causes her to "kill God" in her mind then someone should take away my wife's and I's license to raise kids.

Seriously! This culture war is ridiculous. Do we fight consumerism, selfishness, greed, pride, lust, lying, contempt, homelessness, poverty, injustice, social epidemics, distribution of wealth, plight of orphans etc. etc. as hard as we do our culture war? All the attention to combat this movie will no doubt cuz its box office earnings to rise all the more. Legislating morality has never worked. We need living, breathing, thinking followers of Jesus who can walk amongst the muck and still follow because it is Truth, not because its our only option.

I generally oppose the culture war, in my mind, its a very small idea. Now if you want to talk subversive incarnation . . . that's a big idea.

peace to your Thanksgiving celebration,

Today's Sports News

2007-11-16T09:15:00.000-05:00

At the age of 79, the ole lefthander, Joe Nuxhall has passed away after several ailments he had been fighting. Youngest player to ever play MLB but more importantly around here in Cincy, a beloved long-time broadcaster. Joe was Joe, he often got the call incorrect and mispronounced player names, but he's a Cincy icon nonetheless. RIP Lefty.

Barry Bonds was indicted on federal perjury charges . . . yawn.

The Bengals aren't very good and they are playing the Cardinals at home this Sunday who as well aren't very good . . . yawn.

A-Rod signed a 10 year, $275 million contract with the Yankees . . . double yawn.

I will be heading down to UC stadium tonight to see the biggest high school football game in the country tonight. According to Sports Illustrated, nationally ranked #2 St. Xavier High School is playing #8 Colerain High School tonight in the Ohio state playoffs. I have no dog in this fight, no connection to either team but I like great football and take pride that we have kept the Division I state championship down here in the Nati for the past several years and away from the schmucks up north in the state. Ohio is arguably the "best" football state in the nation, this is where football was born. (Are you listening Pennsylvania, Florida, Texas and California?)

The Ohio State Buckeyes have business to handle in Ann Arbor Michigan this Saturday afternoon. A loss there is not an option and not acceptable. The national championship does not matter, beating the team up north is all that matters.

peace to your weekend,

Disciplines

2007-11-14T11:17:00.000-05:00

"I believe you can look at solitude, community, and ministry as three disciplines by which we create space for God. If we create space in which God can act and speak, something surprising will happen. You and I are called to these disciplines if we want to be disciples."
--Henri J. M. Nouwen

Man, this is just a topic that I keep coming back to over and over again. I ebb and flow in disciplines. Now I know that's just part of being human, but its frustrating that it is that way. When I am living a more disciplined life, spiritually, physically, emotionally etc., I am experiencing the best of life. When I mostly am lazy, I will only have instincts to feed my flesh and that sucks life out of you. It just hardly makes sense that the very things that feed us life are the very things we avoid.

I have always believed that there are 2 kinds of people in life: 1) Those that dream and 2) Those that experience their dreams. The only difference typically is discipline. Do we do the things necessary, over and over, to experience the things we long to see? I have been successful in the past and am trying to get a grip now. What I know is that an undisciplined life doesn't work for me, it leaves me feeling worse than when I started. My flesh is a lie. It claims to offer release and freedom, but its a fools gold. It leaves you lethargic and burdened.

Creating space for God as ole Nouwen puts it. I believe in that, now I just need to act on my belief a bit more often. That may start with a walk during lunch today, God and I need to have a chat.

Stop and Notice the Kingdom around you today,

Celtic Midday Prayer

2007-11-13T14:25:00.000-05:00

So I just took a few minutes to go through this meditative discipline in the middle of my work day and its just unreal that God approaches us as we approach Him. Prayer like works and stuff.

Midday Prayer

Said or sung all together.
+ indicates that you may make the sign of the cross.

+ In the name of the Father,
and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Opening Sentences

Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us.
Establish Thou the work of our hands;
establish Thou the work of our hands.

The Lord's Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil. Amen

Declaration of faith

We believe and trust in God the Father Almighty.
We believe and trust in Jesus Christ His Son.
We believe and trust in the Holy Spirit.
We believe and trust in the Three in One.

Canticle

Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days;
that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
Oh, satisfy us early with Thy mercy,
that we may rejoice and be glad all of our days.
And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us;
and establish Thou the work of our hands.
And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us;
and establish Thou the work of our hands, dear Lord.

Blessing

Let nothing disturb thee,
nothing affright thee;
all things are passing,
God never changeth!
Patient endurance attaineth to all things;
who God possesseth
in nothing is wanting;
alone God sufficeth.

+ In the name of the Father,
and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

For you are Good

2007-11-12T08:55:00.000-05:00

"For you are Good" was a chorus line in one of our worship songs from last night at house church and for a follower of Jesus, this is a statement of our assumption about God and I guess we hope it lines up with our experience, but its hard sometimes.

I'm teaching a philosophy course presently discussing the Christian worldview in the midst of a world of competing worldviews, namingly Naturalism. One of the largest challenges from a human perspective in the belief of a good God is the problem of evil and suffering. Can we confirm God's goodness if our experiences in our present context involves suffering and pain? If within our life it seems God is silent can we uphold the belief that he is worthy of worship? Well, belief is the right word here I think. Its simply faith and a belief that God is present in our suffering even when we can't discern his presence and belief in a hope that our present suffering is not the only chapter to the Story. That he is writing a larger Story that will make sense of our present suffering or perhaps not sense, but a final victory nonetheless.

For you are good? Sometimes the faith in that belief is difficult. But what are the options? Like Peter in John 6 and the Daily Declaration of Faith from Celtic Daily Prayer:
"To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God. Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ, King of endless glory."

Belief in God's goodness is a step of faith, but its not blind faith. His Scriptures are filled with stories of his faithfulness. The Christian tradition is chock full of evidence of his goodess. My personal life experiences had led me to the validity of this belief. And now my intellect at times wrestles with the concept but leaves me at this same place this morning. For you are good, Lord. Its not fun sometimes, but I believe you are good and I want to follow you again this day.

peace,

Heavy day

2007-11-07T14:35:00.000-05:00

Got some news today that took my breath away. Its job related and just weighs very heavy on my heart. Creates an atmosphere of uncertainity for me about the future and I just don't welcome that. Maybe some day I'll figure out what I want to do when I grow up. The bi-vocational life of a missionary is pretty hard most of the time. I know a lot of people doing it but I know of nobody who has it figured out. On the flip side, I don't know if I could ever do vocational ministry again and yet its what I'm most wired relationally and gifted to do. The trade offs are enormous. That's all kind of discouraging today.

I want to believe that God has something in mind, but my cynical self wars against that voice. I suppose they wouldn't call it faith if it didn't involve trust, eh?

peace,

Turn back the clock

2007-11-05T16:42:00.000-05:00

So this weekend we turned back the clock to "fall back" and the Bengals have decided to take it to a whole other level. They have turned back the clock and become the Bengals of the 1990's who were the most losing professional organization for a decade. It is hard to watch them, they are not a good football team. They are still my team and always will be, but its painful. The season is over as far as playoffs go, so now all that is left is to show what kind of real character they have.

The so-called prolific offense has scored 14 pts. or less in 2 straight weeks.
The siv of a defense is on pace to give up more points than any other previous Bengals team at over 30 pts. a game. And this is all w/ a soft schedule.

"You can't pinpoint one thing or another," free safety Madieu Williams said. "The point is we have to find a way to win a football game. It's getting tough each week to say the same thing with the result being the same."

All I can say, Madieu, is the only thing I can pinpoint is that these are the same results we suffered through from 1990 - 2003. I need some Pepto.

Humanity acting inhuman

2007-10-25T13:39:00.001-04:00

This is from my bro's, Jason Evans' blog in San Diego. Getting the word out on the other side of the humanity efforts. Even amidst so much good, evil lies waiting for its opportunity to spread darkness. These are the places where Jesus followers need to stand up.

sd firesd fires + harassment
October 25th, 2007

Friends,
As many of you know, many of us in our community have been feeding the volunteers collecting donations at the Chicano Park donation drop point.

Yesterday, our group of primarily gringos experienced some resistance to serving the primarily Latino volunteers. We came to find out that earlier in the day, they were harassed by the Minutemen and some people came to take away donations, which the volunteers at this station allowed. Why did this happen? Because this drop point is trying help undocumented, non-English speaking people as well as others directly effected by the fires.

Because of this, the volunteers were hesitant to trust. Were we spying, trying to hurt them somehow? We talked with the organizers and some of the tension was relieved. Trust can be hard to come by sometimes.

This morning, Brooke, my kids and others from our community went to the donation drop point again. Our group was delivering breakfast to the volunteers. Four police cars arrived aggressively questioning the intent of the people working this drop point. It was an ugly scene. Seeing only kindness and generosity expressed by these volunteers, my children drove away now afraid of the police because of how they treated the volunteers.

I was planning on sending out a hopeful note this morning. I wanted to share with you about how beautiful it has been to see San Diego’s often divided groups come together and work together peacefully in such a dark hour. But instead I feel I need to get the word out on this.

This is not the time to put citizenship or skin color over humanity. Some of you may not agree with my ‘political leanings’ and that is okay. I will be honest with you, this is not political for me. I don’t want to sound pious, I say this with the utmost sincerity, I am compelled to stand with these people because I am a follower of Jesus.

Please get out the word about this. If you are in the area, go to Chicano Park and use your presence to provide protection to these people. Yes, I am asking you to trust me that the intentions of this group are for good. You are going to hear otherwise. Be prepared. But please act, pray and publicize this.

As a last note, SD IndyMedia may be the best place to find out about this stuff.

Celebrating Harvest

2007-10-24T10:06:00.000-04:00

We no longer live in an agricultural influenced economy. We don't even live in the industrial age anymore. We now live in an age of networking, information and technology. Our Christian history is dominated with societies and cultures built around agriculture where life was cyclical and experienced in seasons. Seasons of sowing and hard work, and seasons of reaping and harvest (also hard work). They were dependent on the soil, dependent on God's creation, in tune with the land they lived on. The Church calendar reflected these seasons of living and it was common for the church to take time in the Fall to celebrate Harvest. Celebrated God's provision and but in touch with the Creation all around them.

Times have changed. I've never farmed a day in my life. I sit in my inside office, under electric lights and stare at a computer screen 95% of my work day. I am blessed to have 3 large windows in my office but it oversees a parking lot and the Interstate highway. If I don't plan for it, I can't be in touch with God's Creation and stay in my digital/electric world. I think its important for Christian community to celebrate the harvest time of year and keep in tune with the thousands of years of God followers in our past and give thanks with them.

This Saturday evening, my wife and I are hosting a harvest party with many of our church community and friends to celebrate God's goodness, his provision and (weather permitting) enjoy outside. That means lots of chili, cornbread etc. and a fire outside. I'm looking forward to this feast as a time to reflect, remember and celebrate within God's Creation and with His Community.

peace to your harvest celebrations,

San Diego Cali fires

2007-10-23T13:09:00.000-04:00

I had to call my bro, Jason Evans, last night in San Diego to make sure him and the family are okay. Mike Bishop and I went out to San Diego for 4 days of rest in August just to visit and had an amazing visit. I fell in love w/ San Diego and more in love with our friends there and their Kingdom community. Praying for those who suffer today, praying for mercy, praying for the Church to care for the needs of the people.

On a lighter note, I'm stoked (no pun intended) that the Evans' are coming to the Nati this weekend for a short visit. My wife and I are hosting a Harvest party at our house on Saturday evening with community folk and hoping them and the Rains clan can chill with us. The Harvest is a time of year to stop and give thanks for the blessings in our life. I am not thrilled with every aspect of my life right now but I can tell you emphatically that I am filthy rich in friendships and community. For that I give thanks and I look forward to breaking bread with some of them this Saturday evening. mmmmmmmm, chili!

peace,

welcome back

2007-10-22T21:32:00.000-04:00

wow, i didn't know i was taking a 6 month hiatus but i guess i did. i think i'm ready to come back. i miss many of my reader friends and being a bit connected to a larger community.

Nicki and I started a new house church several weeks ago as a part of the ordinary community network and its been really fruitful in a short amount of time. i think its the way community is supposed to be, organic, natural and authentic. we're just getting started yet but intimacy has been there from the beginning, that's a God thing. Last night we talked about our need to control and the anxiety that comes from it. We're workin' on trust, faith and giving it all up to Abba.

Just got back from a week vacation to Disney world with the family and read a kind of book i never read. Read Tony Dungy's book "Quiet Strength" and it kind of scratched me where I itch. Just reading how a guy dealt with so much external adversity but yet kept a quiet and inner strength. Not sure I'm very good at that a lot of times. I know how to lose my temper, need to work on that calm beneath the waters thing.

Apparently Jesus slept through a storm. So a lack of peace can't be blamed on external circumstances. No peace is a lack of faith and controlling things that we can't control. Its insanity and I do it daily. Jesus sleeps through storms, I want a piece of that action.

random note: I still think of Palmer and Chad all the time. i miss my bros and long to see what they see right now in Kingdom come.

I'll keep writin' and try to earn some readers back.

peace,

Taking a break

2007-04-16T20:43:00.000-04:00

Since 2003, I have really enjoyed writing this blog. I'm going to take a break for awhile from writing. No timetable, I'm just gonna intentionally push myself away from the keyboard. I seem to be transitioning some of my own thinking and I'm taking a break from a lot of the things I've been doing over the past few years. I really don't know where I'm headed.

Feel free to check back in periodically to see if I have found inspiration to write again.

peace,

The Cross is a Necessary Night

2007-04-05T22:39:00.000-04:00

In an hour starts Good Friday. Because God allowed, I had time tonight to reflect the way I needed to. I am relating to the cross this night more than I wish. What did Jesus feel that night? betrayed, lonely, wounded, heavy, tired, beaten, broken, weary, gasping . . . heart full of pain and fear. These kinds of nights are never easy. They seem to last forever. They are designed to overwhelm, meant to anihilate spirit, purposed to darken the heart, on target to crush a soul. The cross is a heavy, heavy night.

The cross of Jesus is shameful to me. That it was required at all brings shame to me. If I could take it all away I would, but I can't. My pride makes it necessary.

The cross is a necessary night. One cannot enter fully into the Kingdom of God unless the cross is used as a key, it opens the portal, the opening between this one and the realm where God's fully is. The cross opens the portal to God, it opens us to the place we were always meant to be. Without the cross, we are quite literally lost. Missing in this realm with no direction, no connectedness, no hope, no story. As far as I am aware, there are no other keys. There is the cross of Jesus and no others.

I relate to the cross in my constant battle with depression and anxiety. I can hardly separate the causes and triggers from natural to super-natural. I just know that its quite debilitating. Hope sometimes seems so far away. But its in the darkness that I relate to my Jesus. Sitting in the caved dungeon below Caiphas's house, falsely accused, condemned to death, cursed by those who praised him entering Jerusalem on the back of a colt. If I take the time to open my heart through the pain, I realize that I'm not alone in this dungeon. My Jesus is here and he's been here before. The night isn't over, but that's enough to make waiting for the morning just about worth it.

Am I thankful for the cross? Today more than ever. It is a neccesary cross, perhaps this night is the same. An unwelcomed but neccesary night. I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Jesus thought. He endures the night with me in mind, ascribing unspeakable worth to me. Now that's a thought that dares to whisper hope in this night. Its a neccesary night, but not altogether dark.

peace to your reflection of our triumphant Jesus . . . he is pure love,

What does the Kingdom look like on earth?

2007-03-30T09:54:00.000-04:00

Because I decided a few years ago that I was going to teach, talk and live in and around the Kingdom the rest of my life on earth, I'm often asked this question: "What does the Kingdom look like on earth?" Most of the time you'll hear me labor on with words that are abstract and concepts that aren't concrete enough to put into practice.

In Matthew 25, Jesus becomes very pragmatic as to what it looks like. He says:

34-36"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.'

37-40"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'

If the Kingdom is only a place called heaven we go to after we die, then we miss the experience of communing with Jesus even now as we love and serve those in need around us. The idea that the Kingdom is in the future is linear thinking. I think Jesus here is showing us that the Kingdom is not linear, but cyclical. The Kingdom is a circle, all we do and are is given and received within that flow. What is given to others is actually given to Jesus. What is given to us primarily came from Jesus. Everything is in the Kingdom, nothing is outside of it. There is no separation of the sacred and secular, there is only the Kingdom and its war against the forces of evil on earth.
Ok . . . I better stop. . . I just made Jesus' simple and concrete statements abstract again.

Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,

Thanks Palmer

2007-03-27T09:45:00.000-04:00

One year ago today, I got the call that Mark Palmer had passed after a more than year long battle with colon/rectal cancer. It was a day I'll never forget because honestly I never saw it coming. I was fully convinced that he would be healed in this life. I either was completely delusional or don't yet understand how to discern the Spirit. It propelled me to a year of confusion, pain, darkness and wonder. But, as Bono says, with every darkness there comes a dawn. I'm a different person now than I was a year ago. I am absolutely not afraid of death, at 34, I think that's a gift.

Therefore, I'm free. I'm free to create, I'm free to say "no" to the things that aren't best, free to love, free to wonder, free to serve, free to lead, free to be a good Dad, free to be a godly husband, free to be a compelling teacher, free to be a good friend, free to pastor and shepherd as the Spirit leads. Freedom is a by-product of living in the Kingdom. It is not w/out suffering, but it is freedom nonetheless.

On this day, I just wanted to say thanks to Mark Palmer. He spoke wisdom into my life. He taught me about the importance of Jesus' Resurrection. He walked holy lands with me. He prayed blessing over my life. He was one of my best friends. And even now, in a place not far away, he is cheering me on. He's catching waves on the river that flows from the Temple, I can see the smile on his face. Its what he lived for. And now, he lives that reality for evermore.

Thanks, Mark. I always wanted to be a good friend to you, I pray that I was. Your passing from this life forced a lot of us to grow up and I think the teacher in you would be proud of that. Landing Place is taking more ground, a true spiritual force of the Kingdom on King Ave. Everything you dreamed of. Your son, the little prophet, has annointing all over him. He lives in a community of protection and love, I suspect he has a bright future in the Kingdom on earth. You will never be forgotten, your life here is honored. Someday, on the other side, I would like to walk with you and discuss the Kingdom as we did here.

peace,

Chad Canipe

2007-03-09T20:02:00.000-05:00

One year ago, tomorrow, March 10, Chad Canipe passed to Kingdom fullness.
I'm remembering him, thinking about him and praying for his family always.

Chad was kind, compassionate, faithful, consistent, loyal, contemplative, loving, creative and great thinker in the Kingdom.

Chad was such a good friend to me. He was so much of what I'm not and he made me better.

More than anything, I was envious and had nothing but respect for his relationship with his Dad. I've never experienced that myself and I always admired that relationship him and his Dad had. They had love, respect and were truly best friends. There are so many of us that have nothing but pain in regards to our fathers, their relationship is the way its supposed to look like. I'll never forget when Chad's Dad graciously brought me back to pray and talk to Chad while he was in a comma. Knowing that Chad could hear us well, even in his state of rest, his Dad on one side of Chad, me on the other, took Chad's hand and said something like, "you see, Chris, Chad is my hero".

Father and son, as God intended it to be.

I miss you, Chad. Teach me how to care for your family.

the Kingdom is Now . . .

Way of Suffering

2007-03-01T10:53:00.000-05:00

12-13Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner. (I Peter 4 The Message)

Glory just around the corner eh? Some days those seem like pat answers to complex questions. Sometiimes, all I see is rain. The "I" in that last sentence is precisely the problem. For those who have to carry the weight of depression, it is our own perceptions that wrap us up so tightly. We can't get out of the way of our own faulty and broken perceptions. Walking through suffering can be a long and heavy road, it will strip you down to your bare essentials. I am in no way saying that I'm strong w/in it, but it is at these times when I feel extreme pain, that I know that I am alive and in the fight. And I think that stands for something.

The sufferings of Christ were not those of ordinary people. He suffered "according to the will of God" ( 1 Peter 4:19 ), having a different point of view of suffering from ours. It is only through our relationship with Jesus Christ that we can understand what God is after in His dealings with us. When it comes to suffering, it is part of our Christian culture to want to know God’s purpose beforehand. In the history of the Christian church, the tendency has been to avoid being identified with the sufferings of Jesus Christ. People have sought to carry out God’s orders through a shortcut of their own. God’s way is always the way of suffering— the way of the "long road home."

-Oswald Chambers

I may not like suffering, but I do want to be home. And my home is in Christ, I have no other.

peace,

Ordinary Retreat

2007-02-26T07:26:00.000-05:00

Psalm 125:2 As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore.

This weekend was our 3rd annual Ordinary Community Church family retreat and it just keeps getting better. As I've mentioned here, the past several weeks have been very difficult for me personally and I needed a break through, it came this weekend. Part of it is just having extended time with my church community. In the giving and receiving of love in these organic relationships just carries power. You feel surrounded and sheltered by love from one another as the whole community is sheltered by the love and Spirit of God.

We had 3 sessions and the topics were 1) Vulnerability - Being open to God and His Creation 2) Accountability - Being open to one another in community 3) Mission - Being open to our world.

Our times of worship and sharing in community were particularly powerful. We rarely have extended and secluded time for intimate, corporate worship and so we soak it up when we can. The Holy Spirit was present in power and there was a great depth in our sharing. OCC is in its 6th year and what I'm seeing now is the people taking complete ownership of what it means to live in christian community. Hardly perfect, but they see it as there's to mold and invest themselves into. It has changed their worldview and that takes time and journeying together. We have walked through a lot of darkness together, we're ready for a dawn, so let it come.

In the midst of this community, I also heard the voice of God in that still, small whisper. Saying words of affirmation that helped to bring some restoration to my own relationship with God. When this primary relationship is not in line, my whole life doesn't work, thus these past few weeks of struggle. I was filled with guilt and fear, God had nothing but words of love and affirmation. God is good.

Often retreats can lead to refreshing, this one did just that.

peace,

wondering

2007-02-19T19:17:00.000-05:00

just finished reading my blog posts from last february, march and april. the pain of the loss of chad and palmer is still so fresh. but its different, it used to be a sharp pain that came and went, now its a deepened, dull pain that feels as if it will always be there. i admitt I am still angry that Chad and Mark weren't healed in this life. I'm sure and I know that there are reasons I can't see, but it bothers me. i hope i'm not being prideful, but I think God can handle it.

life has not been fun, been wallowing in an ongoing depression for several weeks. its something i've had since childhood, i go through seasons where i feel overwhelmed with pain and questions. i'm angry, i'm disallusioned, i'm sad, i'm discouraged and i'm tired. i wonder about a lot of things, things i won't blog about. i've been reading what henri nouwen calls a "suffocating loneliness" . . . that about sums it up.

there are bright and dark sides to wondering, i find myself in the latter category tonight.

peace,

Feast of St. Patrick update

2007-02-13T10:42:00.000-05:00

So far we have 11 states represented in communities that have RSVP'ed:
Ohio, Florida, California, Wisconsin, Kentucky, Minnesota, Maryland, Michigan, Vermont, Washington and Pennsylvania. Plenty of room for more if you like that sort of thing. Food, friends, community, teaching, networking, worship, prayer, reflection, Scriptures, conversation, spiritual gifts etc.

Its March 16-17 at St. Elizabeth's in Norwood, Ohio. Our main conversations will be led by Todd Hunter, Bob Ekblad and George Hunsberger. Check out http://www.thinspace.net for details and to RSVP. There's no cost, just asking for donations to cover meals and facility.

peace,

Stick Gods

2007-02-12T13:08:00.000-05:00

Jeremiah 10
Listen to the Message that God is sending your way, House of Israel. Listen most carefully:

"Don't take the godless nations as your models. Don't be
impressed by their glamour and glitz, no matter how much
they're impressed.The religion of these peoples is nothing but
smoke.An idol is nothing but a tree chopped down, then shaped
by a woodsman's ax.They trim it with tinsel and balls, use
hammer and nails to keep it upright.It's like a scarecrow in a cabbage
patch—can't talk! Dead wood that has to be carried—can't
walk!Don't be impressed by such stuff. It's useless for either
good or evil."
6-9All this is nothing compared to you, O God.
You're wondrously great, famously great.Who can fail to be
impressed by you, King of the nations? It's your very nature
to be worshiped!Look far and wide among the elite of the nations.
The best they can come up with is nothing compared to
you.Stupidly, they line them up—a lineup of sticks, good for
nothing but making smoke.Gilded with silver foil from Tarshish,
covered with gold from Uphaz,Hung with violet and purple
fabrics— no matter how fancy the sticks, they're still sticks.
10But God is the real thing— the living God, the
eternal King.When he's angry, Earth shakes. Yes, and the
godless nations quake.
11-15"Tell them this, 'The stick gods
who made nothing, neither sky nor earth,Will come to nothing
on the earth and under the sky.'"But it is God whose power
made the earth, whose wisdom gave shape to the world,
who crafted the cosmos.He thunders, and rain pours down.
He sends the clouds soaring.He embellishes the storm with
lightnings, launches wind from his warehouse.Stick-god
worshipers looking mighty foolish, god-makers embarrassed by
their handmade gods!Their gods are frauds—dead sticks,
deadwood gods, tasteless jokes. When the
fires of judgment come, they'll be ashes.
16But the Portion-of-Jacob
is the real thing. He put the whole universe togetherAnd pays
special attention to Israel. His name?
God-of-the-Angel-Armies!

Even though we have tasted of the Kingdom of God, we still yet choose stick gods. I don't understand it, but I do it.

peace,

The Feast of St. Patrick

2007-02-05T17:28:00.000-05:00

March 16-17, 2007. St. Elizabeth's in Norwood, Ohio. You're Invited. Go here The Feast of St. Patrick

Check out the site for all the details and who is already coming. There is no cost, rather we are just asking for donations to cover our meals and utilities costs. But we do need your RSVP on the website for planning meals.

Every once in a while we like to have a gathering of like-minded Kingdom folk. March 16-17 is that kind of gathering. For starters, we are gathering to honor our brothers who last year in March passed on to Kingdom fullness . . . Chad Canipe and Mark Palmer. We're still not sure why we lost them, it still hurts, and its important for us to gather. Those 2 guys were immensely passionate about planting Kingdom communities, so we wanted to have a weekend centered around conversations about just that.

There will be a diverse set of people leading several different kinds of conversations. Some of the conversations will be in large contexts, some in small. There will be time to reflect and meditate and there will be time to worship and to pray.

In a world that often resembles war, it is important to gather to remind us that we are not alone. And because we are not alone we have access to power that is beyond us. That power is present as we gather and we will seek it together.

I am beyond stoked for this gathering and hope that many of our friends will be able to make it. Housing will be provided for all out of towners that we can handle.

Come one, come all. Come and be not alone.

peace,

Poustinia

2007-01-31T22:46:00.000-05:00

"A poustinia is a small sparsely furnished cabin or room where one goes to pray and fast alone in the presence of God. The word poustinia has its origin in the Russian word for desert." (Wikpedia)

I learned this word while I was retreating at Northumbria Christian Community off the north coast of England with my bro, Palmer. Its a very old, celtic monastery and I fell in love with the place. As Palmer and I walked the grounds, there was a small, rubbled, musty stone room in the middle of the woods with a sign on it with white paint that read: "Poustinia". I had no freakin' idea what that meant, Palmer said "its Russian for solitude retreat". That dude was/is brilliant.

I found a book in the library at Northumbria on Poustinia and I read it. Then one of our days there, I went into that little stone shelter, I would say it was 4' x 4'. If the home we stayed in dated back to the 11th century, i have no idea how old the stone chapel was, but it was alot older than that. I lit a couple candles and then began to pray. I think I prayed for hours. The place was stinkin' holy. I prayed for every friend and family member I could think of and for most of them I got Revelations about. The stone chapel was oozing with spirit. Spiritually there, I could sense the face of God, I'll never forget it, He was laughing, really enjoying our time together. This image floored me. God enjoyed me, I don't think I had/have a category for this. But it stuck with me. When you go into poustinia, you go to change.

For a multitude of reasons, tomorrow and for the next 4 days, I'm going into Poustinia. I'm leaving home, getting alone in a distant place for the sole purpose to fast, pray and seek the face of God. I have learned to love these times of Sabbath, but I don't do it often enough. My wife is so gracious to bless me with this space, she believes in the work of God in my life and wants me to sharpen it. Please pray for her while I'm gone.

In Poustinia, my initial response is usually weeping. My sin and brokenness are just raw before a Holy God. And eventually I get marching orders. some specific direction for my calling to lead. But most of the time is spent enjoying God and letting him enjoy me. Reading, talking, worshipping, walking, eating (when I'm not fasting) . . . just communing. Its something I'm really looking forward to. I am my beloved's and He is mine. Everything I'm so busy doing seems so important, until I enter Poustinia. Then perspective happens and I realize most of the stuff I worry about is just me worshipping false idols. This is like spiritual chiropractory, a proper realignment. I'm so tired, I'm looking forward to rest.

The Sabbath is not a law to follow, its an invitation to enjoy. Make time for Poustinia, its a discipline to help you be the human you were meant to be.

Stop and Notice the Kingdom around you,

Children of Men

2007-01-27T08:44:00.000-05:00

McGillivary and I went to see the movie last night based on this book. Although there was quite a bit of left-wing, political propaganda, it was intriguing. The movie is based about 20 years into the future and for the past 18 years, all women have been infertile. So there is a doom of hopelessnes over the earth as everyone is preparing not just for their own death, but the death of all humanity. Interesting plot.

Here are some observations:
1) The movie did a good job of demonizing the 2 political entities to show their depravity. The "Establishment" government was shown for its institutionalized cruelty towards immigrants for the "security" of the homeland. The end justified the means. The liberal "revolutionaries" were self-absorbed and chaotic in their leadership. Again, their end justified any means. Their grand ideals were actually self-serving which made them no different than the government they opposed. The warring between these 2 groups displayed openly the depravity of man.
2) There was a great conversation between the main character and the mid-wife who were trying to protect a miraculously young pregnant woman. They reflected on how the world has changed since there have been no noises coming from the playground. They were set in an abandoned elementary school, no longer needed since the youngest people on earth were all over 18. What a great philosophic conversation! You could just hear Jesus' words about the children and how they are the key to understanding the Kingdom, take them away and you have hell's rule.
3) There was a sensationalized scene towards the end where they bring the baby out into the public in the midst of the great war going on between the establishment and the revolutionaries. But this scene was great in its contrast. A mother carrying the only baby on earth out of a rubbled building under siege, everybody stops shooting. They forget about their war for a moment at the sight and the idea of hope in that baby. They very much portrayed it as if it was a renactment of the Nativity. As soon as the baby was past, they went right back to warring. Ah, the contrast. The innocence and goodness of an infant, the prideful arrogance of man.
4) The real help came not from either of the groups vying for power and wanting to use the baby for their own seeking of power, but rather from the humble and pathetic humanity who sought to give the baby passage for the good of all. They had nothing to gain and only something to give. They sacrificed whatever they had to contribute to the miracle. They were the dirty, the uneducated, the seemingly powerless, the crippled, the ugly, the outcasted and the poor . . . sounds like Jesus' kind of people.

So I left the theater with this thought:
Which one am I?
Am I a part of the inhuman establishment upholding the status quo?
Am I a self-righteous so-called Revolutionary, thinking I'm different than the establishment, but rather I have the same poison in my veins?
Or am I a part of the humble and broken whom God invites to be a part of His great miracles on earth?

I like movies that make me think. Next stop: "Epic Movie" ;)

peace,

Kingdom Now

2007-01-22T08:58:00.000-05:00

1 Corinthians 13:12-13 (NIV) Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I agree with Dallas Willard in that the Great Omission in the Western/American Gospel is a life in the Kingdom Now. The evangelical dogma is a means to forgive sins so that one day we can live in heaven. I see and understand this as about 8% of what the gospel story of redemption is actually about. Its a part, but it is not even a majority piece of the pie. I believe that in our communion with Christ and His Kingdon now, that we are already experiencing a quality of heaven that is yet to come. Its not about pearly gates, streets of gold and mansions so great you don't even need a "no interest" loan to acquire. Heaven is perfect communion with God like we had in the Garden. A reality of being one with our Creator as Christ said, "I and the Father are one". We don't have to wait til we die to live in the reality that He will be our God and we can be His people. As westerners, we always look ahead to more progress, we need to learn to stop and notice that Kingdom is already all around us awaiting our communion.

What I believe is that now we have access to the "quality" of heaven and what we get after we die or at the final resurrection will be the "quantity" of heaven, all of it for eternity. We suck the joy and power out of our Kingdom lives now if its all about going to heaven someday. And that's what we have in America, a powerless and pathetic Christianity. Our best idea to judge and condemn the world, so that everybdoy knows that we are right and they are wrong. To become blood-thirsty for political power where the ends justify any means. To be seduced into the arena of corporate America and apply it to our church growth agendas. We are not showing the fruit of a people who are content and rooted in our identity in Christ, rather we show the fruits of a people who have forgotten who we are.

I believe each of us have the opportunity to access the quality of heaven now, just not yet its quantity. We yet live in a broken world and will taste tears, but its not wihtout hope and not without the presence of the Power of the heavenly realm. I also believe that many are already living a quality of hell now. The results of making choices away from God leave us in a state of misery and tasting death and isolation. Hell is alienation from God and Creation. Its a miserable existence trying to feed the abyss within with things that only make us more dead.

Kingdom Now, evangelicals have harshly criticized me for this view and put me on the pedastal of being a heretic. When I study the stories of redemption from the Old to the New Testament, I see a God offering the hope of a full communion with Him both Now and for Eternity. That is Kingdom Now and I'm glad I found it.

peace,