I don't know why I'm doing this but I just decided I need to write. I'm going to be more vulnerable than is probably suitable for a blog but then again, the real world is full of some who are community to you and some who are more comfortable judging you. And frankly, it matters not to me anymore.

During Christmastime every year, I not only reflect on what's important, but I also annually feel a deep sense of pain. I, like many of you, struggle with depression that never seems to go away. It waits in hiding for weak moments, and then preys on me with dark thoughts and accusing words. All I know to do, is not to take pills, but to meet it head on and process the pain, admitt that I'm hurt and then move on, not to look back. I woke up this morning in pain. Memories of a thousand times my brother beat me bloody because he was mad that my Dad wasn't around. I idolized my Dad and brother, and have harbored such hatred for them throughout my life at times, sometimes uncontrollable. Having spent the last few days with my brother and his family (i see them about once a year) it brings all these memories up again. And then he starts to bully me, over and over like we were kids. I have no respect for him. I have nothing in my heart for him and inherently it means that I don't even comprehend the love of Christ. He doesn't respect me, he only thinks of himself, I have no value in his world. Some wounds just don't heal.
I have to tell my Dad as well that I can't make it to his other daughter's wedding ( i missed one already this year because of another committment) because its another commitment I made for a ministry event. I have already been told that my younger half sister will be devastated if I don't come. The guilt has already been set. This all seems unfair. I never gave them a guilt trip when I spent my entire life without a Dad to hug, touch, talk to, receive from, be encouraged by, disciplined by etc. etc. When I spent my teenage years feeling utterly alone and desperate, telling myself in the mirror that tomorrow really was worth waking up to and that the jars of pills should stay unopened tonight. When I excelled on the sports field but my Mom had to work all day and go to school at night cuz he didn't have the pride to keep a job or his marriage, so I walked off those fields triumphant in the eyes of the spectators but alone the moment I realized that none of them came to see me. I picked up my stuff, drug it to my car and knew that I was alone. Those fields, during game times, were the only moments I felt good about myself. I miss those days. So do I deserve a guilt trip for being the man that my Dad never was or will be? I'm keeping jobs, keeping committments, being responsible, putting others before myself, living to be all that he never was. But yet I'm the bad guy, again alone.
I feel pain within me, and I see pain around me. I really don't know how to function without pain, it makes me feel alive, let's me know that I'm living. And it must be in some twisted way an idol that I can't rid myself of. I long for Kingdom Come and a world where there is no more pain, no more dying, no more tears, no more sickness, no more being alone. But we are not there yet and so I look within, put my head down and take another step forward. I will not let the enemy and my depression pull me down, but I will take the time to feel the depth of my wound. If it wasn't for the sake of others, I'm not sure I would keep fighting. But since Christ came for the sake of the world, his call is what compels me.

"Pain is God's megaphone for a deaf world." - C.S. Lewis
Are you listening, Chris?

peace,

I saw "Return of the King" for the 3rd time tonight (this time with my wife) and I'm just seeing it at different levels. Please withold judgment of my idol worship cuz y'all got 'em, so leave my addiction alone. I can stop anytime I want! (Anybody out there not seen it yet and need somebody to go with you just call me :) )

Anyways, just gets me thinking about the sin that so easily tangles us. The precious that we love and hate at the same time, our idols. We loves 'em ands we's hates 'em. You name it, food, shopping, lust, money, power, stuff, toys, clothes, ambition, self pity, arrogance, ego, pride, self-worth, image, beauty, status, popularity, need to be needed, acceptance, self promotion etc. etc. etc.

Here's where I've seen it lately:
1) Watching MTV reality show "Rich Girls" of a couple of teenage daughters of multi-millionaire parents in the fashion industry. They said they wanted to grow up and be hippies while having a $400 lunch. Its sounds sooo cool to be new-ageish and hippie-like, but don't they see that hippie is about down with corporate America and its excesses? Hippie is about simple living, not $1,500 shoes as one of them bought in the show. Hypocrites and naive. Love our excess and hates our excess.

2) Watching Keyshawn Johnson (ex NFL receiver) talk on a pre-game show about how the league is just trying to make more $$ by fining players for excessive celebrations. He spoke about the "league" as if he had nothing to do with it. This "league" has given Keyshawn his entire life. His house, his cars, his following of women, his jewelry, his identity, his false image etc. etc. Don't go biting the hand that feeds you or you'll end up getting hungry. The "league" is his payday, he isn't separate from it. He hates the precious and yet he needs it.

3) Sunday morning makes for great T.V. preacher watching. I can't get enough, truly more of an obsession to me than Lord of the Rings. Preachers who preach in the name of self-agrandizement, love the center of attention, love the power to hold a microphone where hundreds/thousands have to listen to them and their opinions. I wonder if its possible to teach publicly without looking like a circus act. I have nothing against proclamation, I just don't trust those who sound like their trying to talk me into a great deal on a time-share in Florida. I wonder if their precious is the need to be important, compensating with a stage and captive audience.

4) The only problem with pointing out everybody else's idols is that I have to face my own. Christ following is so inconvenient sometimes. Regardless of what Jesus said, I have managed quite well to see around the plank in my eye to point out the specks in my neighbor :) I am painfully aware of the ugliness that still rages within me. The pull of the "precious" to seek worship of something else and not the Lord God. Something else to take center stage, something else to help form who I am, something else to seek for peace and contentment, the burden of the precious leaves us in misery. Unless we try and destroy it in the fire of self -denial and holy living. Oh that I die to me and become more alive in him. That he burns away the chaff in my innards and grows within me a hunger for right living. That I see the deceit and the lie of the precious and all my idols and that I have the will and the Grace to destroy it when given the chance I'm just honored that as I walk my own journey to destroy the sinful nature within me, I am not alone. Many of you form a faithful fellowship to me, as I to you on your journey. Even though at times hope seems dim, as long as the fellowship stays true, we may yet destroy the precious. Evens though wes loves to hates its.

peace,

Merry Christmas to me!

Got a very unexpected Christmas bonus today from an annonymous parent, which whenever I get one I customarily spend on my wife for Christmas so I'm geeked to go do that after work today. Today is last day of school and tommorrow starts a 2 week break = stoked to sleep!

Went to Dr. today for the results of 7 blood tests on my liver to see if I have the hereditary auto-immune Hepatitis that my sister has, which could explain all my ailments the past 3 weeks. All the results were NEGATIVE!!!!!! I ain't got it, so the disease and the fear that surrounds it can kiss my arse. In fact I had 3 viruses that compounded on one another that explain the way i've been feeling. So hopefully I'm just ending up my last of the viruses and I can enjoy my time off and Christmas with my family. Thanks all of you for the prayers, support and encouragement.

And to the Evil One who continues to seek, kill and destroy those in the Way of the Kingdom, I have listened to your accusations and your voices of fear and intimidation, and I have found them to be lies and feeble attempts of one who is losing influence in my life. I am not backing down, I am not letting up, I am not hiding out, I'm not toning it down and conservative religion has never fit me very well. What I know is that I have sonship, Abba dwells within me. I have his character, I have his hope and his mission burns within my soul. Come "Mayhem" and the swords will be drawn. We're coming to your gates, we understand that war is upon us and we have no fear. Kingdom Community unite, this is a time to celebrate the Incarnation of Kingdom Come and let the sounds of joy reign. It is war, and I once again swear allegiance to the King. Hallelujah, Immanuel, God with us, we will not fail.

peace,

The King Has Returned . . . and he doesn't disappoint!

Went to a midnight showing this morning with a bunch of my senior students (thanks for the invite, guys) of "Return of the King" with pretty high expectations and it exceeded all of them. This movie is truly Epic (and I don't mean in the sweaty Len kind of way). I'll give a more full review when some of y'all have had a chance to see it, like tommorrow :) Got 2 1/2 hours of sleep and I'm going back tonight to see it with the fight club boyz at 9:30, my addiction/obsession is at full throttle. This movie was incredible . . . but I"m a freak.

peace,

"For a child has been born - for us!
the gift of a son - for us!
He'll take over the running of the world.
His names will be: Amazing Counselor,
Strong God, Eternal Father,
Prince of Wholeness.
His ruling authority will grow,
and there'll be no limits to the wholeness he brings.
He'll rule from the historic David throne over that promised kingdom.
He'll put that kingdom on a firm footing and keep it going
With fair dealing and right living,
beginning now and lasting always.
The zeal of God-of-the-Angel-Armies will do all this." (excerpt from the story of Isaiah 9 from The Message)

Friends, he invaded our world (The Incarnation) with the truth of Kingdom Come. It is all around us. Its not about heaven and hell, its about the truth and reign of ultimate reality, that is the Kingdom of God. Heaven and hell are just the eternal states of this present reality. The Kingdom is here. Stop and notice it today.

peace,

The point of the Incarnation was for the "Word to become flesh", for the "Light to be shown in the darkness" for the Kingdom of God to invade this corrupt and decaying world. And how far has this gotten us? I have been coming face to face these past couple days with ingrained church culture that has set up the battle lines, its "us" vs. "them". Our evangelism has more to do with telling "them" that we're right and "they're" wrong. Our whole message has still more to do with the Crusades of the Dark Ages than a lowly incarnation. When we have a series of big "evangelism" meetings we call them crusades. When we have a co-worker we hope will see the light, we say we are trying to "win" them. We memorize verses from our "sword" to slay them with if they try and refute our advances. Our sophisticated seeker approach to evangelism is to "target" them. All of this is conflict language, war language, yet the Incarnation was a different sort of invasion. Jesus came vulnerable as an infant. Dependent on human parents. Exposed to the natural elements of the cool night and unsterile birthing place. Jesus took on all the risks in the Incarnation. He risked being hurt by those he loved. He risked being rejected by the very ones he once helped form in their mother's womb. He risked the loss of a dream, disappointment, broken heartedness and a life lived in vain. But the church is not willing to make these concessions. Come to our turf. Change and be like us. Let us argue you into our mindset. Come and feel uncomfortable in our culture that we call "family" and you take on all the risks. Come let us evaluate your life in an unsafe enviornment. 2,003 years or so later, we don't have a freakin' clue about the lowly incarnation.

Us vs. Them. Saved vs. Unsaved. Found vs. Lost. Fully devoted follower vs. Seeker, Chosen vs. Reprobate, Redeemed vs. Rejected, Born Again vs. Carnal, In Christ vs. Under Adam . . . you choose the terminology. I say, as long as we have such well defined cultural and language barriers (and by the way, let's hold yet one more seminar/conference to sure up our language and semantics on this topic as long as we don't have to do anything about it) to separate ourselves from "them", we state with our actions that we don't give a damn. The issue at heart is not technique, motivation, program, relevance, annointing, gifting, approach, opportunity etc. etc. etc. The issue at hand is that we don't give a damn about those who are living outside the Kingdom reality. As long as we get ours, we get our worship fix, we get that preacher to make it relevant to me, we get entertained with our consumer goods, damn those who don't have the sense to go to church. (does it matter that church is not someplace you go but a people you belong to?)

The lowly Incarnation. A life of vulnerability towards those who are not living their created destiny, that is a relationship with their Creator. Do you remember, that used to be "us"? And when it was "us", we gave a damn.

Father, that the coming of your Son was not in vain. Change our hearts.

peace,

Many things to report.

1) Friday night at the Brownhouse in Norwood with the family of Veritas, Canipes, Vineyard Central, LP Palmer, VBCC Creech, Mark from Indy. Great shared meal, community time, prayer and ministry to one another. So good to see my brothers and sisters and enjoy one another. We also prayed for the simultaneous gathering in Eagle, Id and apparently the Spirit of God fell on them as well. God is good.

2) Many are registering now for Mayhem on Jan. 9-10. You need to make sure your a part of the party! More info. and registration at www.not-alone.org.

3) Had a OCC leadership meeting at our home on Sunday. We read from Isaiah and talked of the Incarnation and its signigicance to the Kingdom. And how re-enacting the Incarnation is what our lives should look like. Jamie and Todd shared of their friendship with an Indian family and how their Kingdom life of service was rubbing off on this seemingly Hindu worldview. The Kingdom Way is ultimate reality. All other worldviews pale in comparison. He is the Lion of Judah. When opportunities come to sit at a round table in a pluralistic culture, let the Lion out of His cage.

4) Yesterday was my 31st Birthday. I spent it at home in bed all day, called in sick. Felt drained and weak, not many other symptoms. Feel about 50% today. I have a Dr. appointment today with a specialist to have more tests run re: my liver. Hope we can get more info.

Lying in bed the past 24 hours, I have had many Advent thoughts that I would like to share more on. Hopefully will blog on those this week.

Peace to you during this time of Advent.

Some blogs need to be read by all humanity. http://quirings.blogs.com/greg/2003/12/atkins_diet_spi.html
This is one of them. Read at your own risk. Thanks Greg.

Sorry for lack of blogging, my site was down yesterday.
Health Update: I will be seeing an internist on Dec. 9 at 11:00. Thanks for your prayers, I'm feeling okay today.

I get deeply reflective during Christmastime every year. I suppose with the new year and family time and all its a natural time to evaluate life. Of course a trip to the ER will get you a bit reflective as well :) Every year though I look for an Advent medtitative thought, something to give me perspective and literally ponder for weeks its significance. So this year I found mine on K-Rains' blog. "Every moment, a gift. Every minute pregnant as Mary with Christ's presence." Mary traveled from Nazareth in southern Galilee, down through the rocky terrain of Samaria and thru the outskirts of the Judean wilderness, through the hustle and bustle of Old Jerusalem to a little town about 4 miles south of it called Bethlehem. Have you ever traveled with a deeply pregnant woman? Have you ever been the deeply pregnant woman doing the traveling? Discomfort, aggravation, pressure in the womb, car seat not designed for it, potty breaks, back pain, nausea, leg cramps, annoyance with all other travelers, cravings, indigestion, weariness, expectancy, ignorant husband etc. etc. etc. and so forth, yada, yada, yada. (Ok gals, fill in my blanks and show my ignorance but please don't gross us out)
But here's my point. Mary was an ordinary uncomfortable pregnant woman and each of these moments was jam packed full of the hope of the world. I mean, one wrong jostle from the donkey and out could pop the very One who has giving meaning to my life. The One who said that I mattered. The One who introduced me into a world without end. Each of those traveling moments was pregnant with the life of Christ. Each ordinary moment is pregnant with the life of Christ.
Friends, slow the heck down! Stop and notice. The answer is not in the next thing (or next sale). This moment is pregnant with the life of Christ. If we keep chasing the extraordinary, we pass right by that man and his seemingly pregnant wife trekking south thru the rocky terrain. Why don't you stop and visit them today? Create a rest stop, treat them to some time and attention, and they will tell you of the wonders of being visited by angels and to be awoken in the night with the news that your fiance' will give birth to the light of all nations. Stop and notice the Kingdom today, each ordinary moment pregnant with the life of Christ.

peace,

Happy Thanksgiving to me!

In case you haven't heard, I had a more eventful thanksgiving than I hoped for. For a few days, I had been feeling a pain in my upper back, sometimes sharp. Thanksgiving morning I woke up with it having moved to my chest. For most of the day, I felt really uncomfortable with this pain and didn't eat much. Then around 3, I started feeling really nauseated. So I went home to rest but had this feeling in the back of my mind that I should have this checked out. So I drove myself to the ER and by the time I got there, the pain in my chest was increasing all the time. They put me on pain medication that both made me really loopy and like I wanted to come out of my skin. I felt like a really tired crack addict, not a good combination. I stayed in the hospital for about 24 hours. I won't even begin to tell you about my nightmare of a roommate who grunted, snored, screamed, moaned, urinated all over himself and the floor keeping me from sleeping half the night. I had a heart stress test, multiple EKG's, blood work and x-rays. all having normal results. In fact as far as my heart goes, its stronger than normal and there is no cardiac history in my family. So after a day in the hospital, not much is known and the chest pains have gone away.
However, the doctor is concerned as I am for what is history in my family, that is liver disease. My grandfather died suddenly in his young 50's of a liver condition. My Dad has struggled his whole adult life. And my sister has just been diagnosed with auto-immune Hepatitis C. Well, her symptoms are the same as mine. So I'm going to have more tests towards checking out my liver and the possibility of Hepatitis. I don't know much as far as treatment goes but I do know that I detest drugs and the corporate health care system that wishes we would all become zombies hooked on their narcotics. So, Happy thanksgiving to me. I scared the bejesus out of my wife and in a week or so, I turn 31. It looks like a more healthy lifestyle is no longer a fleeting goal, but a neccesity if I want to be around to experience the Kingdom in this world. And if your thinking this has any connection to the spiritual realm, this past week, I nightly had nightmares and visions of the evil kingdom of which I've experienced in the past under seasons of spiritual warfare. Take what you will out of that. For now, I'm gonna rest.

peace,

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." -Matthew 6:33 The Message

I use worry and fear to deceive myself into believing that I can control my surroundings and my circumstances. If I can control, then I won't get hurt again. When will I grow up and be willing to trust again that God is sufficient for the right now? Peace of Christ, purge my anxiousness, that I may be transformed into your likeness.

The Power of Story

On Thursday evenings at 8:00, our weekly family bonding has been watching a human story unfold named "Survivor: Pearl Islands". Its been a few seasons since I followed the show religiously but my wife, 2 daughters and myself have been hooked from the first episode this year. I think its just fun being engaged in something together as my girls are growing older. But my eldest daughter, Alison, has been especially captured by this story. She is 7 and has my make-up. She has a flare for the dramatic and gets deeply involved and enveloped in stories. (Thus my freakishness towards Lord of the Rings) Like many viewers, our family had fallen in love with the passion and valor of Rupert. But it was a matter of time until he got stabbed in the back and voted off as a threat. About halfway through the episode last night, Ali was beginning to realize that Rupert was going to get casted off the island. And so she began to whimper and sniffle with real tears. By the time they got to tribal council, she was beginning to let the tears flow. As Rupert walked away having his torch snuffed out, she was at full scale sobbing. She cried as she went to bed, and my wife reported that after 10 minutes or so, Ali still wasn't asleep because she was still crying. Her heart was completely broken for her friend, Rupert.

Now, you may think I'm a bad father, but I love seeing my daughter "feel" and experience intense emotios. Its how God made us, its a part of us. I don't mean to get all melodramatic and manic about it, I just mean, not allowing the world and its arrows cut off your heart from feeling, its a part of life. I felt so stifled growing up in Church. I had passion and emotion just welling up in me and yet I was taught to be super-rational and calculated about faith and life stories. Well, I now think that the people/institution that wanted to keep Christ following in the realm of the logical are COWARDS. there you go, i said it, and they are fighting words. Afraid to feel, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to admitt weakness (even though its a prerequisite to honest Christ following). I was told, you can't trust your heart by people who had been burned and determined to never go to the place of intimacy again. Keep Jesus in the cage, let him out on holidays and formal meetings. Well, I reject that line of cerebral Christianity. And I know that the arrows will keep coming, and the more tender I keep my heart, the more I will find myself sobbing like Ali, but its part of life and its part of the faith story I'm enveloped in.

If you shut down your heart, you shut down half of the adventure of Christ following. Pain makes life ever so real. Embrace it, bring it near and reveal the wound within the intimacy of a Father who delights in you. I just hope that Ali finds the story of salvation history, the horror of the cross and the glory of the Resurrection to be as compelling as the story of Survivor. If she starts crying because of what they did to her Jesus, well, I may just join in the weep fest. Keep your heart tender, its worth the risk.

peace,

Found myself last night feeling saddened at the many stories (including my own) that I have been running into lately of people doing a lot of activity, but not living in the reality of Kingdom now or their belovedness. But the restlessness we feel for the that experience is only a confirmation that we have tasted it and are on the journey for more, not that we are empty and void of it.

St. Augustine said, "My soul is restless until it rests in you, O God." All the impulses and idols of the world keep us in the restless stage, never satisfying. Offering us only pain and decay, not satisfaction. Nouwen continues, "I know that the fact that I am always searching for God, always yearning for the complete truth, tells me that I have already been given a taste of God, of Love, and of Truth. I can only look for something that I have, to some degree, already found." (Life of the Beloved)

These stories I am hearing are of those who are still looking for life's answers outside of themselves. The grass must be greener in a pasture just around the corner. My next job, my next accomplishment, when I lose the weight, when I finally graduate, when I meet that special someone, when I get that promotion, when the house is completed, when my kids grow up, when I finally stop my addiction etc. etc. The answer in living in complete contentment of our belovedness is to come home. Stop running to the things outside of yourself and looking for life in things that are fleeting and dead. Just come home. Inside of you, if you are quiet enough, lives and indwells the Spirit of Christ. In fact all the so called prophets looking for end times signs at the building of a new Temple in Jerusalem are full of crap. In you and I, within our very souls, is being built the New Jerusalem. The city of peace dwells within us. When we stop, slow down and listen for that voice within, telling us that we are his son/daughter, with whom his favor rests, that Temple is being built brick by brick.

So be encouraged today, the fact that you yearn for that peace and contentment means that you've once tasted Kingdom Now and you would like some more. Stop and hear the voice of the Beloved within you today. Then watch as the rebuilding of Jerusalem becomes your very life.

peace,

Finally finished off the basement yesterday in our home, started last Easter and now complete. Very pleased with it and kudos to all my bros who helped make it possible over the past months.

What's the deal with the weather? Make up your mind, Ms. mother nature, cold or warm? which do you want? Make a choice and stick to it, dang it!

Thanksgiving is next week, Next Week! that means its Christmas season already. What the heck? November is a blur.

Tomorrow comes out the extended version DVD of The Two Towers. I will receive it tomorrow but don't see me watching it til Thursday cuz of scheduling conflicts. What's up with that? I thought I chose a life of simplicity and I have to wait 3 days to see my favorite movie? Maybe sleep isn't that important.

I seem to be fighting off a sickness in which I'm feeling drained all the time. No other symptoms. I'm sleeping but never feeling rested. We'll see how that turns out. Having dinner tonight with my friend Jon Bogart who calls himself the "person formerly known as found". He has found evangelicalism to be completely hollow. On a lot of points, I can't disagree with him. Its always a good time hangin' with him.

peace in Christ to you today,

Just an Update on the goings on:

Had an emotional day on Tuesday which was Veterans day. We had a pretty cool assembly at the school I teach at and the strangest thing happened. I felt the presence or maybe the strong memory of my grandfather who passed away 3 years ago but helped raise me. He was a WWII Navy veteran and I've always had an enormous respect for him because of that. So without offending my deeply pacifist friends, I found myself very thankful for those who risked their lives or gave their lives so I can be free to raise my family here in America.

Had dinner with my step-dad last night after we moved some furniture for my mother. We are so different, come from different worlds but I have always respected him. He is nothing like my birth father of whom I've inherited all his genes. My step-dad is stable, even tempered, respected by everyone and completely dependable. My kids are in love with him. We had a great conversation about the nature of Church and community over dinner. I'm a church planter in the ancient Celtic Tradition and he's a long-time Gideon Bible Regional Director. But we agree on so many points and have mutual respect. Why do I staty connected to many of my traditional church roots at some level? Because the Kingdom of God is the big idea, and is pure elitism to think we have any corner on the truth.

One of my best friends in the world is coming down from Michigan tonight to stay with me for the weekend. Kevin Grand and I have been best friends since college years where we began doing youth minsitry together. We were quite the pair. I was the big, athletic, up front guy working the room. He's a smaller stature, skater type, behind the scenes guy who is perhaps the funniest and most godly guy I've ever been blessed to be around. He has taught me so much about Kingdom and Christ following. He has lived a personal hell and went to the bottom of his faith, only to re-build it one step at at a time and is now reaping the benefits. I can't wait, we may not sleep all weekend, way too much PS2 to play on the big screen.

OCC is having our annual Thanksgiving feast on Sunday. Big meal shared together, kids time of teaching, worship, thanksgiving, communion, prayer for one another, its so good to be in community. Have a great weekend, all, I know I will.

peace,

Had a great weekend. Friday night was family night. Saturday night we had 5 other church planting families over for dinner, games, fun, fire, laughter, encouragement etc. I would say that it was all Kingdom time, but as soon as guys vs. girls in any board game begins, the Flesh comes out for some fun. Trash talking, superiority complexes, cockiness, blaming, accusing, cursing the game and its makers, and that was just the girls! (he he) good time, good peeps, could do it every night.
Sunday was my eldest daughter's birthday, Alison turned 7. She had a "cheerleaders" party so Zach and I kept to ourselves. Ali is growing up soooooo fast. Can't believe it, she acts so grown up sometimes. You tell me if she has my genes, here's a line from her 1st report card, "Ali is not afraid to question things and likes to take on challenges" I'm raising another non-conformist :)

And I have to say one thing, some students of mine from school have fallen upon this blog world of mine. Guys, this is my world outside of CCS and this is the real me. What you get here is raw, and some of my bloggin' friends are rawer :) But its real, its real people trying to find their way in this world and seeing the Kingdom of God as not a one time decision, but a lifestyle of self denial and Christ following. Its not the safe church world of rules and regulations where life is sucked out of you. its the dangerous place of being in the world of not of it. I love you guys and am not afraid for you to see the real me, but you need to add your own comments. Join the conversation and put out your own thoughts and struggles, its safe, all of it. Here, I am not your teacher (Mr. Marshall), I am just Chris, or cmarsh, or marsh or other expletives that come to mind :) Let's get honest, let's get real, its not CCS, its reality and its underground.

peace,

A 'NEW MONASTICISM'

"We have found a coherence and identity within the Desert and Celtic monastic traditions that has made sense of God's leading in our lives. We believe that here, in Northumbria, the Lord is touching peoples' lives in the same way as He touched the lives of our forefathers and mothers in the faith who first brought the gospel to us. We too are experiencing a call upon our lives regarding the nature of our faith, a call to repentance, to self denial and a resisting of evil. A call of God to find a Way for Living that relates to being a Christian in society as it is today. We are not escaping from the world, nor is there any condemning of the Church of which we are members. There is no intention to set up some new movement, strategy or programme, but simply an exploration into how we should live as Christians in a changing age with all its challenges and opportunities. We have not sought to replicate the so-called Celtic Church nor, when we talk about a 'new monasticism', are we talking about joining a religious order or the need for the renewal of the old monastic institutions. What we are seeking to embrace is the 'heart' of monastic spirituality and its application in our contemporary setting."

Came across this description of Northumbria Celtic Community and I want some of what they say to be true for us in the missional community movement of Spirit. We are not a "new" church, we are not replacing anything. Like Jesus fulfilled the OT and the Old Covenant, we are a fulfillment of all that has been attempted in the name of "Church" in our history. Whether we agree with our ancestors or the ones who have traveled before us or not, we are all mixed into the same casserole. Yes, we want to reform and lead the church to a more honest and authentic community, but we are not the 'end all'. We are part of a story, not writing a new volume. We have a responsibility to present the truths of the Kingdom in our real world, but so have all who have gone before us. I'm young, but I don't want to be stupid nor arrogant. I used to be the poster-child for being all things postmodern ministry, now I just want to be a Christ follower and lead others into that experience.

I follow leaders who have the strength to be humble, I aspire to be that kind of leader.

peace,

Here's my review of "Matrix: Revolutions"

Special effects/fight scenes/Action sequences = off the chart, over the top, overwhelming at times, best action sequences I think I've ever seen. Rating = 10

Storyline = I have always had low expectations for story in the Matrix trilogy. It has never completely captured my imagination or challenged me. I am a rarity who really liked the philosophical conversations of #2 and Matrix #3 was just redundant. Nothing new. Nothing more to say than that "choice" is crucial, even amongst providence, and the highest choice is "love". My largest rant is way too much SAP. It was so awkwardly sentimental in places, trying to tie up loose ends with sappy scenes was totally Hollywood and lost its sense of Epic. Rating = 5

Ending = my largest fear going in was that the trilogy would have no consummation. that Neo would wake up and the whole thing was a dream, he's still just a computer programmer by day and loser hacker at night living in the city. This was not the case. They wrapped up the Trilogy with a true climax and still left it open ended to increase wonder (#4 down the road???) What I was really pleasantly surprised with was an ironic twist in the ending. Without giving it away, Neo gains an allie in a very unlikely place and I honestly didn't see it coming. I like being out-thought. Rating = 8 1/2

Soundtrack = I think I'll have to get it. Really intense digital rythymns. Captures futuristic, raw struggle. A few times in the movie I stop watching the images and just took in the music. The music is still in my head this morning and it effected my dream sequences last night I think :) Rating = 9

Overall = 8 1/2, amazing action scenes, average story, good ending. The Lord of the Rings triology is another dimension above Matrix in my mind and Dec. 16 is coming. Its fun to live in a time when movies are capturing imagination and helping us recapture the depth of story instead of giving in to the shallow, hollywood crack addicts.

peace,

Tonight we see if the prophecy is true!

Countdown is on. 9:30 tonight, 8 guys, 1 digital theater, 1 consummation to a triology of story, bring it on!