Thursday, July 17, 2008
a life less complicated?
When I was younger, I had vigor and passion. I had a sense of calling, I dreamed of a preferred future, life lacked complication. I had time and space to think, reflect, read and be. This just isn't who I am anymore.
I wonder if its just a season of life. I work a job that mostly sucks the life out of me to provide for my family who are seemingly having a good life. They are healthy, present with one another, have daily bread and much more, good schooling, participate in their preferred extra-curriculars, friends, loved etc. Generally growing up in a safe environment both physically and emotionally, that can't be underestimated. There really isn't anything I wouldn't do to provide this for them, it makes just about anything worth it. Its part of growing up, its about them, not me.
I wonder if I'll ever be that other guy again someday? Will there come another season where I don't have to give my firstfruits of energies to the "man" in things I largely don't believe in? Is there such a thing as a job you love, or is that a myth?
Here in America, the present economic realities are rough and the future looks rougher. Having a job w/ benefits is to be considered a blessing, my mind tells me that. My mind also tells me its all relative, there are Kingdom brothers and sisters all over the world who are suffering greatly in poverty and under abusive government power structures. Who am I to complain? In fact I feel overwhelming guilt for just asking these questions, perhaps I should privatize these thoughts. (the reason I don't is because I don't think I'm alone in these questions)
How do you live the life of a monk as a Father of 3 in suburban America? How do you keep touch with your heart and deep dreams in a world of speed and greed? Whatever the answers are, I'm not doing a good job of it. I lack space and time to do much searching for it, mostly hoping that if there is an answer that it will find me.
Perhaps in the future I will walk in a field of a life less complicated, but for now I'm just trying to make peace with the mire I'm in.