Friday, June 04, 2004

Graduation is tonight for the seniors, I'd look forward to it more if I didn't have to wear a tie :(

I'm really, really tired. Been burning the candle at both ends this week. Some of it because of responsibilities finishing the school year up, and some of it just my fault. I'm stressing financially, trying to work out as many options as possible to keep the ship afloat. I think I'm where I'm supposed to be, it just takes 3 jobs to cover it all. Sometimes that responsibility just wears on me and when $ is really tight, I feel helpless because I can't do anything more. I think I'm supposed to stay at CCS, it fits me for the time being, but its financially a real sacrifice.

I am doing odd jobs this summer for my Mom's daycares. I need to re-visit my missionary stipend from the MBC. I am in an interview process with Indiana Wesleyan University for becoming adjunct faculty teaching Bible elective night courses throughout the year and I may also have to break down and do some food service work before I leave for Europe at the end of July. Having to spend all my time working to pay bills makes me feel like I don't have any time to be creative with OCC, present with my family or present in my spiritual life. I mean, my anniversary is tommorrow and Nicki's b-day is next week and they are afterthoughts with everything else. That ain't right. Is this where I'm supposed to be? Am I working the right plan? (or are those all the wrong questions?) Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to be thankful for and have wonderful community around me. I just need to ask these questions.

I know this summer that I need to retreat and I need to read. If I only feed my extrovert animal this summer, I won't have the staying power I need to be obedient.


No comments: