I can never explain how the Holy Spirit works or how it ebbs and flows. All I know is that I experience it.
I was innocently listening to some i-tunes songs choosing a few I would play tonight for house church and "kabango"! The Spirit within me began to well up. I don't what its like for you but here's what I feel. My abdomen area begins to tremble, my heart gets caught in my throat, if I allow it I would start to weep, my mind gets captured to some higher place and ALL i want to do is worship, or be quiet, or lament in prayer, or cry out, or write. The presence stays with me awhile depending on how much I feed it. I get really reflective and can linger there for awhile. I also get really sad. Sad about the shortcomings in my life. Sad about injustices in the world I see around me. Sad about the entrenchment of the enemy amongst people I love so much. Sad about the responsibility of being a leader in a sometimes fierce battle.
I know that some of you around me are interested in the Kingdom but have never had an experience of the Spirit and I would love it if you did. Of course it can't be manufactured and can't be bought, but it is real. I watch you chase after counterfeit experiences looking for life in things that are dead and it makes me sad because I really care. I care about you, I care about your future and I want you to have an internal hope that can't be quenched. I want you to taste of water that doesn't make you thirsty anymore. I want you to eat of bread that makes other hungers seem pointless. I want you to find the reason your alive. I don't want you just to believe it, I want you to experience it, I want you to embrace it at the core of who you are. I pray the Spirit of the Lord upon you to surprise you in any way he seems fit. For some of you, its been a long time since you gave God that kind of chance and I just pray for you to dream again.
I also seem to in these times have random memories that need to be dealt with. While driving by myself tonight I was reminded of a 19 year old guy named "Wayne" who came to me in tears after hearing me preach a sermon entitled "Where do I go?" about 8 years ago. He was a hard kid, active in drugs and sexual relationships and he came to me completely broken. Through his tears he looked at me as if I had the very words of life. I did what I then knew how to do, I led him in a prayer of salvation. I had no idea how else to help him. I offered him no community and no ongoing apprenticeship to Jesus. How the hell can I preach about such words and have no clue what to do if someone actually took me up on the issue???? I never saw Wayne again. I have no idea what he's up to. I did hear that a couple weeks later he was back at his old lifestyle. I don't know why I had this memory but in the quiet of this night I say, "I'm sorry, Wayne, I was yet blind myself."
peace to you and your house tonight,