Saturday, October 23, 2004

Had one of those parent experiences last night that will haunt me for awhile. Our son, Zach, is 2 and he fell down a couple stairs and split his chin open with a gash. I was about to leave for our school football game when Nicki called me from her mom's with the news. So I met her at the Urgent Care facility and it was obvious that it was going to need stitches. Zach was already having one of those melodramatic days and he wasn't co-operating. He wouldn't sit still or sit at all. So they put him on a board that had 4 sets of straps on it and strapped him down so he couldn't move. One over his head, one over his arms at the shoulder, one over his hands at the waist and one around his hips. This obviously made Zach very frustrated and he screamed and cried the entire time to get himself free but couldn't get out. I would be okay if I lived the rest of my life and never saw Zach in that position again. Now I wanted the doctor to do his job but it was really hard to see Zach in this state. His screams pierced my heart and I know Nicki was feeling the same. When your 2 year old son is screaming in agony, your instinct is to pick him up and bring him near, not fight to hold him down. Zach kept looking at us with that look of "why aren't you doing anything about this?" He felt betrayed by us at that moment. I'm sure many of you out there have had similar or more intense experiences with your kids with injuries or illnesses and you can relate.

Without being too cliche, driving out of the parking lot after it was over flooded me with immediate thoughts of Abba watching his son be tortured, ridiculed and die mercilessly on a piece of wood. How did he sit there and watch it happen? When Jesus cried out for his father to help, he was left to feel forsaken. How hard must it have been to be a father and watch that happen to your son? But that suffering had a purpose. He forsook his son that afternoon so that he could bring us near. It tore his heart so much that we had left him that he was willing to have his son go through that so that we could come home in Him. And how much do I still go my own way without any regard to the suffering of Christ for me?

Abba, I awake this morning with gratitude in my heart for your Son and his sacrifice. I don't know how you stood and watched it but as a result, I have found my way back to you. Forgive me this day for the things I do out of selfishness and indulgences of the flesh. i want to honor you with my entire being out of gratitude of your unfailing love. Amen.


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