Thursday, July 21, 2005

why is slowing down so hard?

Every year I have lots of goals and objectives for the summer schedule. I have books I want to read, projects I want to write on and time I want to spend in solitude. But rarely do I ever achieve them. My extrovert nature has me running all over the place, meeting lots of people, seeing movies, being productive but not in any sense of solitude. I wonder at times if I run from the intimacy that I so desire w/ the Father? That its just too much and too intense for me. If I sit and take it in, I just want to get up and start doing someting. I want to improve in this area but it requires so much discipline. Will be going camping for 3 days with Glenn Johnson and Bill Bean and I hope that will provide some time for solitude, reflection and big picture thinking.

Running may also help in this area. Am beginning my training for 2 half-marathons, one in September and one in October. These training times make my mind slow down and become disciplined. The physical and the spiritual are intertwined.

Why do I sometimes sabotage what I actually need? Why am I a better talker and thinker than a doer? The conclusion is always the same, I need a Savior. I am not well, my soul is yet sick and needs healing. It wouldn't be just "nice" if I could have some time for Jesus, I am utterly desperate for it. By the way, so are you :) I am feeling a need to commune with Him in some times of intimacy. Why does my heart stray? It just makes no sense.

Jesus, I am desperate for you.

1 comment: said...

So, I do not really suppose this is likely to work.