Many people have been asking me this question lately because of all the loss that has surrounded us. And the answer is, "I'm really not sure".
Physically I am quite tired but taking time to rest. I also got back to working out today with what I can with the healing achilles. I was able to swim, lift and hit the abs which was all well-needed. Gonna try and make that a routine 5 days a week, it really prepares me for the rest of my day.
Emotionally it is up and down. The new job has me busy enough to not dwell on things. But it doesn't take much to trigger me and I am just overwhelmed with missing Palmer, particularly. I even find myself still wanting to pray for his healing. I think I have some stubborness issues.
Spiritually its a mixed bag. As I don't understand the reason for things and I don't have to happy with the results, God is God. Where else can I go? But simultaneously with all this crap has been unspeakable beauty. I've seen these trials galvenize community to happen at deeper levels and for "thin places" to be experienced with more regularity. Going to "via crucis" last night with the Student House Church (those not on Spring Break) was a great time of reflection. These students are really growing in their experience and knowledge of the Kingdom. They are maturing before my eyes and as well contributed a pretty sweet station #3 "Jesus falls the 1st time". They are hungry for more and it inspires me.
I don't want this week to pass me by. I want to remember and reflect on my Jesus who walked the path of suffering on behalf of his Creation. I am too weak to carry my own burdens so He continues to carry my cross. This has been a season of suffering, so I want to resonate with the suffering of Jesus this week. Come Sunday, God will lift our heads to the Resurrection. When Kingdom comes, our heads will be lifted forever. That will be a good day.