Went up to Columbus to visit w/ Palmer last night and had a good time hangin' out w/ him before he heads into his next surgery. 64 King just has such a great feel to it, truly a community house. After catching up w/ Amy a bit and getting some travel advice for India, Mark and I headed out to the "Happy Greek" for dinner, good stuff. Mark has lost a lot of weight in all of his battles so it was good to get some tasty dishes that he could pig out on and get some nourishment in him.
We talked over the small picture issues of the situation and the big picture theological/emotional issues at length. Our only true conclusion is that we have no idea how people live outside of an intimate faith community. The good things in life just aren't as fulfilling and the trials would be unbearable without being in the people of God. We ended with some prayer together and I just want to never cease praying for a complete healing.
As I drove home, I admitt that I felt a bit numb. I hate seeing my brother in such pain and discomfort. I want him to be free to be a husband and a Dad and a teacher and a spiritual director. I want things to be different and I'm not sure why they aren't. I don't need to know "why" this is all happening, I just need to know "what the heck you want us to do"????
As I drove, I left fate to the iPod to shuffle the appropriate songs and it kept choosing some prophetic tunes from Beth Wacome Keck and honestly, it was the only thing that could penetrate to where my heart was. Beth's voice and the fact that she is a part of our spiritual family and our story seemed to console me. "I stand Amazed", "if I could be the sand inside your soul" and "I am Rahab" were particularly helpful.
We have to approach all of this like a long-distance runner, just one mile at a time. So I woke this morning and hit the road for a 3 mile run, all the while wondering why these things happen and what we are to do.