!@#$%

My left achilles is completely ruptured, the ER doctor was wrong. It looks like I may be scheduled for surgery on Thursday to repair it with a Kevlar staple of some sort. Then its 6 weeks in a cast. Then 6 weeks in an air cast boot (I'm in one now). That's 3 months in a cast. Then 3 additional months of rehab. I won't run for 6 months following surgery and all my daily life routines will have to change or be realigned. Bright side is that its my left foot so I can still drive, but not my truck which is a stick shift. So I'm gonna have to get rid of it. Going to pick up my grandmothers car this evening.

Zach's test today was a disaster like his last one. He refuses to cooperate and somehow the specialists at Children's Hospital can't grasp that. They are expecting him to do things that we can tell them he absolutely won't or can't do. They seem to put the burden of responsibility on us to make him do these things he is incapable of doing. The perception for us is that he must be a worse case of whatever he has than they are used to dealing with and that seems to be our problem. He has an appointment is thursday w/ ear/nose/throat which won't go well because he won't let anybody see him in that way. The sedation would be for a hearing test following that. His autism test is scheduled to be 3 hours long, my prediction like today's psych. evaluation is that it will be 30 min. tops because he won't do it. These tests at children's hospital were supposed to help us evaluate his condition, diagnose anything that may be a barrier, and launch us to more steps to unlock his intelligence and cope better with his behavior. Its turning out to be one diaster appointment after another, none of them helpful. Its an hour of driving round trip and we're just doing the co-pays to help the economy. It appears whatever Zach's issues may be, they are beyond their resources to know or help with.

I'm not going to lie, I am deeply, deeply disappointed. If any of these treatments for Zach and I come back not covered by insurance, we can't afford to cover them. I can't add another job on top of the 4 I'm spread out on as it is.

Im sure I'll get perspective in a couple days, for today, I'm just really pissed off.