Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Finding it nearly impossible to get some time for quiet. I feel like I'm really hungry and thirsty for some solitude, but where? I only need to be at school from 7:30-3:30 but am finding that to fulfill what needs to be done, I'm here from 6:30-5:00. Its even more stressful when the amount of hours required still don't provide a salary that I can support my family on. When I get home I'm exhausted, don't want to do anything but hang with the family and attend community gatherings. I'm a big picture thinker and not taking the time to gain perspective in solitude stresses me out. I feel like I'm only paying attention to the immediate with no connection with the transcendent. Everyday gets a little better, I'm getting a grasp on it but I want to dig myself out. I need time for personal worship/solitude with God and I need time for exercise, for physcially I'm always tired. Is the answer to get up earlier than 5:00 a.m.? Is the answer to dedicate a couple whole days a month for solitude but not much daily? I know I don't like this feeling and I know that I can't maintain it very long. God of peace, I want more than a quick fix, I want a doable plan. Show me the way of discipline. Show me the place for rest in your arms. I miss you.


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