I woke up a few times last night, feeling pretty restless. Over breakfast and the drive to work I was filled with prayers for brothers and sisters of mine that are hurting right now. Then it just hits me and I feel utterly broken. I feel broken between what "is" and what "should be". We have an unshakeable Kingdom, but we live in the pig stye. The Kingdom is all around us, yet we find ourselves in darkness. Healing is within our grasps, yet suffering continues. Hope is our calling card, yet we proclaim legalism. Freedom is our destiny, yet we choose our bonds.
Then I find myself pointing out everybody else's "stuff" only to realize the enormous plank in my own eye. I am sinful, I am broken, I choose selfishness, I live in death when life is before me, I am what I loathe, I do the things that cause brokeness not just in my heart, but in the heart of Abba. Not in a guilt trip kind of way, but in a relationally distant kind of way. I long for a different kind of spiritual life for me, one that is in step with His ways. I long for a different kind of Church, one that is communed with His Spirit and Truth. And the gap between that longing and the present reality is what causes me brokeness. And frankly, I would rather be broken than settle for status quo.
So today my choice is to worship and reflect. Find my way back to His heart and dwell there a bit. He doesn't move, I do. He doesn't need to change, I do. So may change follow me today.