Thursday, May 06, 2004

Took my daughters out to dinner last night and then we went shopping for Nicki's Mother's day present. I had something electronic in mind, but decided to get her what she actually wanted instead of what I thought would be cool. And in true "marsh" fashion, I gave it to her the moment I got home instead of waiting til Sunday. Its a big canopy/gazebo to go over our back patio to enhance our bbq experiences with shade and rain relief. Looking forward to putting that puppy together this afternoon and seeing if it can withstand the rain and wind.

Had one of my more fundamental baptist students say yesterday that my NT survey course was a waste of time because it wasn't "deep" enough. I have long been accused of not giving people the "Word" in my past. But I honestly have no @#$% clue what that means. If it means that I don't judge people enough, I don't create timelines for end times events and that I don't tell people they're going to hell enough, then I suppose I should take this as a compliment. The context of the comment came out of a day where I was teaching on 1st century Gnosticism as a threat to young Christianity and the reason why the apostle John wrote the epistles of 1st, 2nd & 3rd John. I suppose having a historical understanding for the writing of NT epistles is a shallow endeavor for approaching the Scriptures. I suppose I should just teach my opinions without any accountability to disciplined exegesis and that humility need not be applied to the ancient texts. I suppose I am not a very good preacher. I hate the word "preaching", I have no positive feelings towards it. If that offends some, know that I affirm teaching and proclamation which is "receptor" oriented. But preaching the Word as I have come to learn it and be measured by, I find it pure ignorance.

I find that arrows received from fellow believers hurt me deeply. It used to destroy me and render me incapable of going on. I projected perfection on the Church and it disappointed me over and over again. I am just an "all or nothing" kind of guy. Either Jesus is real and the Kingdom of God is all pervasive reality, or let's just sit around and smoke your plant of choice. I work really hard at keeping my heart tender and open towards the Church, its just gets hard when I am vulnerable to attack on wounds yet open. But bitterness is not a big enough idea for me. Contempt does not feed my soul. I don't long for justice here on earth. Rather I choose to keep my heart open, to bless those who curse, to turn the other cheek and to choose meekness over division. This Christ following stuff is harder some days than others.


1 comment:

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