Tuesday, May 13, 2003

still waiting to hear if they will offer me a teaching gig at the school next year. to be honest, its beginning to wear on me big time. I feel myself emotionally exhausted, not knowing if I should be saying "goodbye" to these students or setting myself up for next year. And the stress of impending unemployment is like a 9 foot giant hurling insults at me from the valley. having a resume of 11 years of ministry experience, an undergrad degree in youth ministry and an Mdiv from seminary does not make me marketable for much except for jobs involving high stress sales or quotes like, "would you like fries with that, mam?" it scares me to death and I definitely lack the creative energy to re-invent myself. if I would have known that I was going to head into bi-vocational ministry the rest of my life, I would have set myself up differently. But I climbed the evangelical ladder and when I got near the top, I jumped off. I'm more than glad I did, but it makes employment difficult cuz I have no trade and no leads. i love to teach but can't get an ohio teaching certificate without 3 additional years of education and can't do university teaching without a doctorate (which I've considered). all of this is whining unless I trust God. and trusting is hard. would he leave me now? no way. has he been with me to this point? without a doubt. has he taken care of all my needs? yes, plus a bunch of wants too. but I suppose every 9 foot giant that comes our way will intimidate us, will accuse us, will seek to detroy us, but we have to remember that God's nature doesn't change. if he was faithful then, he'll be faithful now. so instead of sending out invitations to my personal pity party, I should be looking around my feet for a few smooth stones and face the giant head on. i'll say again that trust is hard work.


No comments: