my mind is on camping

Going camping here this weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. Just some time to kick back and relax with some friends. The pressures of these past couple months can subside as we sit around the fire and do generally nothing.

The air cast is off, I'm on 2 shoes. Life is looking up.

peace,

a broken cup pours out

i didn't mean to, i just came to my computer to look up a Scripture before heading to bed, and then it began happening,

I am overwhelmed, with Spirit, with sorrow, with loss, with treachery, with evil, with pain, with sin, with brokennes . . . and then with unexplainable joy and unquenchable hope. my body is twitching with grief, my eyes are pouring out tears, my insides are all stirred up, my heart is in my throat . . . i weep and i weep and i weep. but what is coming out is not all sorrow, there's joy in these tears. alongside my pain is a hope that is welling up in me and i can hardly contain myself. i don't know what you believe about the tongues of the Spirit but they begin in my soul and i can't contain them.

i used to have this experience when weekly I would drive home from Seminary at Asbury in KY late on Thursday nights and when I would reach the lights of my city (the Nati) I would begin to weep in my car. I could feel the pain in the hearts of my neighbors and I longed to shepherd them back to the heart of Abba. i can feel and sense darkness, I can smell the stench of sin and when i see it in me, I am poured out.

this world is inexplicably connected to the world we can't see. i can feel Palmer's presence, i know Chad has visited me, they are not far away. their physical death's has blown up my sense of purpose in this world. what i thought was important, just doesn't seem so. rather, I see a Kingdom Coming, one that is rising up and coming down. the tides are coming in and warning us of their entrance. the Power of God is running through my body and is showing me that His Reign is upon us. humbled by His Presence, He is alive and He is coming. His life streams as a river from the Temple and everything it touches breeds hope.

He is Alive. Ring the bells, shout from the mountaintops, His promised hope is upon us. His Kingdom is being poured out. Friends, receive it. jump in the river and let it take you to the heart of the One who made you.

Life is here, hold nothing back, let it Reign. This Spirit of life is preparing us for more battle and more of the enemy's land. Our King is alive and He is returning. I swear singular allegiance to the King and I can see Him coming. His power is rolling out . . . roll on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on . . . til Kingdom comes in fullness.

"Early in the morning on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdelene came to the tomb and saw the stone was moved away from the entrance." (John 20:1) We will never give up, we are your people. We will never lose hope, elpida breathes in us. Resurrection is upon us.

always Darkness before the Dawn

The lyrics to U2's Yahweh have been stirring my soul during this season of hardship.

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I’m waiting for the dawn

Still waiting for the dawn, the sun is coming up
The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn?

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

This is the last day of Lent. We are alone in the cold and darkness of our uppper room. The horrors we have seen, watching the One who brought such hope be beaten, stripped and crucified. Fear dominates our thoughts, confusion in our soul. Why did these things have to happen, and where do we go from here? What's the point? Darkness seems to be our only friend.

For some reason on that Sunday morning, Mary "got up" and went to the tomb. Did she expect anything? Was there yet a glimmer of some hope welling deep inside her? The dark and cold morning of that 1st Easter was ripe, it was a pregnant moment. Some hid, some gave up . . . but atleast one "got up" and kept hope alive. And what she found was that the darkness was swallowed up in Dawn of unquenchable Hope, that is Elpida. Now Life would rule.

I don't know why this pain and darkness has been around us this season. I don't like it, I don't approve of it, but I am just creation. I do know that our Story is one of hope and one of resurrection. I want to believe that this is a pregnant moment, waiting to give birth to unexpectant hope. I don't know why, but I do know what we're suppposed to do. We're supposed to get up. Because darkness always comes before a dawn. I don't know that if I get up today that I may find another stone, rolled away.

Regardless of our perceptions, Yahweh wins . . . Yahweh wins.

Have a blessed Easter.

Daddy-Daughter date

Ali and I had a Daddy-Daughter date for a bit last night. We went to St. Elizabeth's with 2 of OCC's house churches for Via Crucis "Immersion". The interactive and sometimes digital stations of the cross. OCC did station #1 and Student House Church did station #3, amazing jobs. The stations were moving. Art, technology and theology all coming together, a truly great idea. Ali loved the interaction with each station, causing her to reflect.

Afterwards, we did some hangin' with the OCC crowd at Skyline and then Ali and I went for dessert. Ali was bouncing in her seat with excitement (it may have been the mountain dew). We ordered dessert and gave us a chance to have a one on one. I expressed to her how proud her Mom and I are of the person she is becoming. How much we appreciate her help with Zach, how helpful she is to us around the house. I also took the opportunity to affirm her mind, her thinking, her care for others and her heart for God. It means a lot to pass on blessing to my children. I am very proud of Ali, and don't even get me started talking about her dominance on the soccer field . . . she's a beast!!

With my new work schedule, I cherish these opportunities. With the passing of Chad and Palmer, I cherish these moments even more. Life is too short to just earn money and be a consumer. Life is a gift and can be lived in the rythymn and flow of the Spirit of God. His Kingdom has come and is continuing to come all around us, if we take the time to stop and notice.

peace,

How am I doing?

Many people have been asking me this question lately because of all the loss that has surrounded us. And the answer is, "I'm really not sure".

Physically I am quite tired but taking time to rest. I also got back to working out today with what I can with the healing achilles. I was able to swim, lift and hit the abs which was all well-needed. Gonna try and make that a routine 5 days a week, it really prepares me for the rest of my day.

Emotionally it is up and down. The new job has me busy enough to not dwell on things. But it doesn't take much to trigger me and I am just overwhelmed with missing Palmer, particularly. I even find myself still wanting to pray for his healing. I think I have some stubborness issues.

Spiritually its a mixed bag. As I don't understand the reason for things and I don't have to happy with the results, God is God. Where else can I go? But simultaneously with all this crap has been unspeakable beauty. I've seen these trials galvenize community to happen at deeper levels and for "thin places" to be experienced with more regularity. Going to "via crucis" last night with the Student House Church (those not on Spring Break) was a great time of reflection. These students are really growing in their experience and knowledge of the Kingdom. They are maturing before my eyes and as well contributed a pretty sweet station #3 "Jesus falls the 1st time". They are hungry for more and it inspires me.

I don't want this week to pass me by. I want to remember and reflect on my Jesus who walked the path of suffering on behalf of his Creation. I am too weak to carry my own burdens so He continues to carry my cross. This has been a season of suffering, so I want to resonate with the suffering of Jesus this week. Come Sunday, God will lift our heads to the Resurrection. When Kingdom comes, our heads will be lifted forever. That will be a good day.

peace,

2 more deaths = 2 more funerals

My step-grandfather passed on Monday morning and I'll be officiating that funeral on Tuesday at the retirement home.

One of my wife's cousin's had a tragic death, possibly self-inflicted and we will attend that service in the morning.

Its been a long work-week, very busy and that has its pros and cons. My mind doesn't dwell on things, so that is good. But I've also had no time to commune with the Father and that leaves me feeling disconnected. I really need to plan my weeks better now because my workload has so increased that I need boundaries. I need time to decompress, recreate and connect with my family. My daughter, Megan, said this morning, "Daddy, we never get to see you anymore." That's not good and needs to change.

I need to find a rythymn to life and with the torn achilles, I think some of it has to do with time to exercise where I prayed and thought, now I don't have it. So this weekend I'm going to sign us up for the family YMCA and make time to commune w/ God in exercise i can do while rehabbing, and having a place to play with my kids. The weekend is looking up.

peace,

reflecting w/ peace

Like many of those around me in this spiritual community, I'm pretty worn out physically and emotionally. My niece passed before Christmas, my achilles tendon snapped at end of January, Chad Canipe passed 3 weeks ago, Mark Palmer passed a week ago and . . . my brother-in-law has been in the hospital for the past 5 days with extreme joint pain and unable to use his legs at all. Turns out he has rheumatoid arthritis and is seeking treatment, so I prayed for him on the phone before heading down to Palmer's wake on Saturday. Yesterday, I got a call from my Mom to come to my step-grandfather's bed in hospice. I spent most of Sunday in hospice reading Scriptures over him and praying blessings upon his journey as he labored in breath and didn't want to leave his wife of over 60 years. That is another funeral I will officiate this week. Friends, I'm very tired.

But . . . here's the thing. With all of the sorrow and the pain of the past few months, I'm having a hard time understanding how it can come directly alongside so much beauty. I have been as often in tears about the joy of living in intimate spiritual community that has the power of lasting covenant as I have been about loss. I have heard heroes of mine eulogized of lives lived with passion and Christlike leadership.

Palmer and Canipe were spiritual giants to me, I sat under their teaching as I received their friendship.

I have no words to describe the Elpida community, simply they are the realization of one of the deepest dreams in my heart.

I learned why Palmer loved LP as I made new friends with his spiritual family. I truly cherish these new found friendships and desire for them to flourish.

I love hangin' w/ the emerging generations of this movement, Erin, Emily, Katie, Megan and Zion in particular. I'm a big fan of the teenage years and these kids are really "getting" what we're all about.

There is nowhwere on earth where I would rather be than at our house of peace, that is the Brownhouse. Kevin and Tracy Rains do hospitality like artwork. I honor their gifts amongst us.

Ordinary Community is taking seriously what it means to follow Jesus, they are my home.

My wife is my rock, I couldn't hold up w/out her support and love for me. My children are my joy, may they be blessed today.


this turned into a stream of consciousness, i told you i was tired.

peace,

waking mark palmer

This morning at 9:15am, he left.

Our friend, our brother has moved over to another dimension. We grieve. We have been grieving and remembering him today with his family and his community in Columbus. It's been a long and painful journey. He has the big clue now, but we are still here, wondering, praying, weeping.

We also want to celebrate his life and memory together. So many people have followed his story over the last couple of years. We want to give you an opportunity to celebrate with us as well.

The Wake...

This Saturday, April 1st, 7:00pm, St. Elizabeth's, Norwood, Ohio.

All are welcome!

Friends, conversation, music, food, drink, celebration.

If you come, bring something to share with all. See you there.

Mark Palmer is tasting Kingdom Fullness

March 27, 2006. Mark Palmer passed away/over to Kingdom fullness this morning. I don't know all the details, but Kevin Rains, Alan Creech and myself are leaving in a few minutes to get to Columbus and be with our brothers and sisters.

I have no more words to say.

Church as a Movement of Spirit

Just for the record: I had really intense dreams of Chad Canipe last night, something in the Spirit and it woke me up. Thoughts of him continue to consume me.

Tonight in Student House Church as we were praying for our needs as a community, the Spirit told me to see if they had any questions, which took me off my agenda for the night, but that's the way of the Spirit. Instead of reading and meditating on the next 5 stations of the Cross, we talked theology and asked questions. We talked of denominations and of churches and of the order of things. These are questions that have been dialogued for centuries with very little conclusions and lots of baggage. But nonetheless, its a worthy conversation.

My answer is usually the same. They know my motto, "Church is not someplace you go, its a people you belong to." If you understand that paradigm change, you understand the DNA of Ordinary Community Church. But also most fundamentally is that "Church is a Movement of Spirit." I heard Erwin McMannus say that at Mosaic Church in L.A. about 6 years ago and it has stuck with me because I believe it and I think history indicates that truth. Church is fundamentally not a budget, not a building, not a vocation, not a program, not a strategy, not a service, not a set of beliefs, not a cause, not a doctrine, not a political force etc, etc. I believe that Church is most fundamentally a movement of Spirit. You can choose to listen and participate and be in its flow. Now that flow may take you through any of things listed above, but the Spirit supercedes those ideas. The Spirit is in communion with the Kingdom of God, and the KOG is the basis of all reality. Follow the Spirit and you find the Kingdom. Learning to hear the Spirit, well, that's a discipline.

And before the theological blogger police come and question me, let me say that listening to the Spirit is not opposed to the things written in the Scriptures. In fact, they are the same voice. If we lose touch of the Spirit, as a Church, we have lost our identity and in fact have no Gospel at all. And if you have no real Gospel (good news), then you are irrelevant. sound familiar to anyone?



side note: Its 10:30 p.m. Amy Palmer just called while I was writing this. The ambulance just took Palmer back to the hospital. He is really weak and unable to function at home normally. They are hoping some fluids will get him feeling better get him some strength.

The Church is a movement of Spirit. I am now going to bed with just one prayer in my soul: "may the Spirit move in Palmer's body." I am so sorry he has to suffer this way. so very sorry. How long, oh Lord? How long? How long until you show your Glory?

peace,

sometimes you are reminded why you teach

I was out on a family night tonight and ended with some ice cream. I ran into a student that I had 4 years ago and haven't seen since. It was my 1st year at the christian high school and he was in a bad place. His home life was falling apart, it was both shameful and painful to him. His life was all about survival, his childhood and teenage years robbed from him. He struggled greatly with depression and cutting himself. We often just sat down and had conversations about life, hope and God. My heart breaks for these kinds of students and I think its the reason I was sent to CCS, amongst others. When he left after that 1st year, I lost contact and wasn't sure which way he would go.

Tonight as we were leaving, he made sure to stop me and say a few words to my face. It went something like this: "I want you to know how much of an impact you made on my life. A couple years ago I turned my entire life around and got on track and you were one of the primary reasons. The things you told me left a huge impression and I found God." He also mentioned that I sent him Psalm 142 at some point and it became the 1st passage he memorized when he gave his life to Christ. I noticed he had some pretty sweet Greek ink on his wrist, I should have asked him what it said. He is spending his summer after graduation in Thailand on a missions trip.

These kinds of meetings just are really meaningful to me. Tells me to invest into the lives of the broken, you never know what Christ will do. He tends to make broken things quite beautiful. i am criticized for my un-orthodox approach and some think I'm a dangerous influence to students. I just think that Jesus is dangerous and he tends to change lives. I'm just a voice in the wilderness and sometimes I'm reminded how purposeful it can be.

peace,

Chad Canipe Memorial

Sorry for the delay and my lack of "tech-i-ness", but to the right is a button to check out options to donate to Chad Canipe's family needs. Paul McGillivary set this up the day that Chad passed over to the Kingdom fullness and there's nothing more practical we can do than to care for Chad's family.

The last time I saw Chad after he had passed and still in his ICU bed, I asked him to teach us how to care for Renee and the boys. This is one of the ways to do it.

peace,

2nd week, new job

I'm still learning a lot when it comes to my new job, most of it is just a high learning curve of organization and systems. But, I really like the people. The University is professional from top to bottom and that is refreshing. My teaching schedule is also starting to book up, I'm scheduled for classes through July now, that part I love. Just trying to pack each day with as much learning as I can.

On another note, I am missing Chad really badly. This weekend he was in my thoughts and it weighs heavy on me this morning. We are getting our fight club together on Thursday evening and it will be the 1st one w/out Chad. It is very hard for me to admitt that. He was my brother in this spiritual war and I miss him dearly.

Stop and notice the Kingdom of God amongst you today,

Palmer update

Just talked to Palmer again in the hospital, such is the way with these kind of things, its up and down. The past day and a half have given him a lot of pain. He is in bed all day all night and his pain in located in his tailbone, so he's constantly w/out relief. His nausea continues to be his largest enemy. It keeps him from being able to eat, he hasn't eaten anything but fluids in over a week. No food = no energy and no being released from the hospital. His white blood count is also down making any chemo an impossibility, and he is considering refusing anymore chemo in lieu of some alternative approaches that are more wholistic w/out the poisons. He still has a lot of fight in him but he continues to suffer w/ a lot of grace. It just breaks my heart to hear his pain in his voice, I wish I could carry more of the load for him.

I need to put together another intentional fasting plan this week, please join me. The fight continues.

peace,

St. Patrick may have saved my life

There are so many myths and superstitions around St. Patrcik on this day, but I consider him in my top 5 heroes of all time. Why? Well, here's why:

1) He loved the Irish. He was English, as a slave in Ireland, he fell in love with the people there. Later in life, he went back as a missionary to them. He loved the people he felt called to serve, that's lesson #1 for ministry.

2) He thought differently. No suprise I love this. He got outside the walls of the Roman Catholic Church designed for Europe and incarnated the Gospel in a way they could understand. He used the 3 leaf clover to describe the Trinitarian God, that's genius. He used something they loved to let them know God has been with them all along.

3) He was passionate. He was constantly on the run for his life from those who opposed his work. None of that stopped him, his passion and courage won the day.

4) He organized Christian communities into small, networked clans, instead of building catehdrals for all to come to. First off, they didn't have the road system of modern Europe and Ireland was already organized in these kind of family structures. He used it, tied it to Authentic Christian Community and thus road them to one of the most explosive growth generations in the history of the Church. Patrick's clan structure was hugely influential to me in organizing Ordinary Community Church as it is today.

5) He used his right brain, the creative, imaginative side. I was taught ministry mostly from the left brain, rational and knowledge based. But I'm an Irishman and sometimes my heart wants to jump out of my chest and at times, alone in my car, I'm known to still let out primal screams. I cannot express my Christianity in only rational means, I need heart expression. Ministry is relational and often more art than science.

6) St. Patrick was a leader in his time. He died enough to himself to go do something different without caring what others thought. That's my model.

I love Celtic Christianity. It breathes in me. My ancestors are from Northern Ireland, strongly protestant and stubborn. There was a time in my life where I wanted to leave all forms of ministry forever. It was in this time that I discovered the real St. Partick in history and Celtic Christianity. St. Patrick and his ideas saved my life some 1400 years later.

Today I honor you, St. Patrick. I'm doing what I can to carry the banner of Christ amongst us, in us, by us and through us.

Celebrate the real St. Patrick today.

Anybody for some good news?

I made my daily call to Amy to see how Palmer was doing and who do I get on the phone? Palmer himself. HA ha ha ha ha ha, it was sooooooo good to hear his voice. We talked about the NCAA tournament, about the OSU Buckeyes playing tommorrow. He was up and alert, had his sense of humor and referred to me as "Pastor Marshall". Ha ah ah ha ha ha, I am loving it. He is not on supplemental fluids, rather he is drinking water and gatorade, processing it on his own and gaining some strength. His voice was positive and on the up. I'm even hearing rumors that his body is stopped up a bit but releasing flatulence to the duration of 8-12 seconds, thats music to our ears, the pipes are active.

Come on, Lord, come on with it. Bring your healing, bring your touch. Let him Rise, Lord, let him Rise. Everyday, more of you Lord. May your KIngdom come on earth as it is in heaven.

peace,

Ongoing prayer for Palmer

Let him Rise, Lord, let him Rise. And when he does, let Your glory ring around the earth. Let this healing draw Your Creation into a deeper experience of your Kingdom on earth.

peace of Christ unto Amy, Micah and the LP kids.

another good day

Amy indicated that Mark had another decent day. They are letting his body process on its own a bit but he's had only fluids for almost a week. So he's feeling quite weak without any whole foods or nutrients. Pray for continued progress. pray for gained strength, pray for the cancer to go away. And don't ever, ever give up. We are all in it together. If he is better by Friday, they will let him take his next round of poisonous chemo which always makes him sick. I don't think anyone could question Palmer's toughness, the dude has been through so much. He is a 6' 7" rock.

Let him rise, Lord, let him Rise.

If you have any prayers left, my new job w/ IWU has me completely overwhelmed. Im still emotionally exhausted from my brother Chad's passing. Now training and traveling on the new job has me mentally drained. I will be traveling the next 2 days as well. Its just a lot of info. and a lot of organization, I'm swimming. Its gonna take me some time but IWU is a great place and people to work for.

peace,

looking for good news?

talked to Amy yesteday and Palmer had a good day. His bowels kicked back in on their own, thanks to all the prayers for a movement ;) of God . . . tsk tsk. His situation was quite critical until this happened. He as well got out of bed, walked to a chair and was awake and talking w/ Amy. These are all signs of life. They are planning on giving him whole food today and seeing how his body reacts and processes it.

Do not give up praying for Palmer. Consider fasting for his new life. The Spirit continues to tell me "Don't give up, wait and see what I will do". Whatever that is, God, we're waiting for You.

Stop and notice the little signs of life around you today and breathe them in deeply.

peace,

update

Many are asking for updates on Palmer, as I get them, I'll post them.

From what I know last, they were trying to make Palmer comfortable in the hospital. He has a lot of swelling and a lot of nausea. His pain increases and moves. They are trying to empty his stomach and bowels with mixed results. It may be the new chemo or addtional tumors putting him in this position. The surgeons/doctors were waiting for him to process better before they made any additional reccomendations for treatments. Pray for comfort, pray for healing, pray for Amy. When I know more, I'll let y'all know. Palmer is so loved by so many. That's how it should be.

peace,