How am I doing?

Many people have been asking me this question lately because of all the loss that has surrounded us. And the answer is, "I'm really not sure".

Physically I am quite tired but taking time to rest. I also got back to working out today with what I can with the healing achilles. I was able to swim, lift and hit the abs which was all well-needed. Gonna try and make that a routine 5 days a week, it really prepares me for the rest of my day.

Emotionally it is up and down. The new job has me busy enough to not dwell on things. But it doesn't take much to trigger me and I am just overwhelmed with missing Palmer, particularly. I even find myself still wanting to pray for his healing. I think I have some stubborness issues.

Spiritually its a mixed bag. As I don't understand the reason for things and I don't have to happy with the results, God is God. Where else can I go? But simultaneously with all this crap has been unspeakable beauty. I've seen these trials galvenize community to happen at deeper levels and for "thin places" to be experienced with more regularity. Going to "via crucis" last night with the Student House Church (those not on Spring Break) was a great time of reflection. These students are really growing in their experience and knowledge of the Kingdom. They are maturing before my eyes and as well contributed a pretty sweet station #3 "Jesus falls the 1st time". They are hungry for more and it inspires me.

I don't want this week to pass me by. I want to remember and reflect on my Jesus who walked the path of suffering on behalf of his Creation. I am too weak to carry my own burdens so He continues to carry my cross. This has been a season of suffering, so I want to resonate with the suffering of Jesus this week. Come Sunday, God will lift our heads to the Resurrection. When Kingdom comes, our heads will be lifted forever. That will be a good day.

peace,

2 more deaths = 2 more funerals

My step-grandfather passed on Monday morning and I'll be officiating that funeral on Tuesday at the retirement home.

One of my wife's cousin's had a tragic death, possibly self-inflicted and we will attend that service in the morning.

Its been a long work-week, very busy and that has its pros and cons. My mind doesn't dwell on things, so that is good. But I've also had no time to commune with the Father and that leaves me feeling disconnected. I really need to plan my weeks better now because my workload has so increased that I need boundaries. I need time to decompress, recreate and connect with my family. My daughter, Megan, said this morning, "Daddy, we never get to see you anymore." That's not good and needs to change.

I need to find a rythymn to life and with the torn achilles, I think some of it has to do with time to exercise where I prayed and thought, now I don't have it. So this weekend I'm going to sign us up for the family YMCA and make time to commune w/ God in exercise i can do while rehabbing, and having a place to play with my kids. The weekend is looking up.

peace,

reflecting w/ peace

Like many of those around me in this spiritual community, I'm pretty worn out physically and emotionally. My niece passed before Christmas, my achilles tendon snapped at end of January, Chad Canipe passed 3 weeks ago, Mark Palmer passed a week ago and . . . my brother-in-law has been in the hospital for the past 5 days with extreme joint pain and unable to use his legs at all. Turns out he has rheumatoid arthritis and is seeking treatment, so I prayed for him on the phone before heading down to Palmer's wake on Saturday. Yesterday, I got a call from my Mom to come to my step-grandfather's bed in hospice. I spent most of Sunday in hospice reading Scriptures over him and praying blessings upon his journey as he labored in breath and didn't want to leave his wife of over 60 years. That is another funeral I will officiate this week. Friends, I'm very tired.

But . . . here's the thing. With all of the sorrow and the pain of the past few months, I'm having a hard time understanding how it can come directly alongside so much beauty. I have been as often in tears about the joy of living in intimate spiritual community that has the power of lasting covenant as I have been about loss. I have heard heroes of mine eulogized of lives lived with passion and Christlike leadership.

Palmer and Canipe were spiritual giants to me, I sat under their teaching as I received their friendship.

I have no words to describe the Elpida community, simply they are the realization of one of the deepest dreams in my heart.

I learned why Palmer loved LP as I made new friends with his spiritual family. I truly cherish these new found friendships and desire for them to flourish.

I love hangin' w/ the emerging generations of this movement, Erin, Emily, Katie, Megan and Zion in particular. I'm a big fan of the teenage years and these kids are really "getting" what we're all about.

There is nowhwere on earth where I would rather be than at our house of peace, that is the Brownhouse. Kevin and Tracy Rains do hospitality like artwork. I honor their gifts amongst us.

Ordinary Community is taking seriously what it means to follow Jesus, they are my home.

My wife is my rock, I couldn't hold up w/out her support and love for me. My children are my joy, may they be blessed today.


this turned into a stream of consciousness, i told you i was tired.

peace,

waking mark palmer

This morning at 9:15am, he left.

Our friend, our brother has moved over to another dimension. We grieve. We have been grieving and remembering him today with his family and his community in Columbus. It's been a long and painful journey. He has the big clue now, but we are still here, wondering, praying, weeping.

We also want to celebrate his life and memory together. So many people have followed his story over the last couple of years. We want to give you an opportunity to celebrate with us as well.

The Wake...

This Saturday, April 1st, 7:00pm, St. Elizabeth's, Norwood, Ohio.

All are welcome!

Friends, conversation, music, food, drink, celebration.

If you come, bring something to share with all. See you there.

Mark Palmer is tasting Kingdom Fullness

March 27, 2006. Mark Palmer passed away/over to Kingdom fullness this morning. I don't know all the details, but Kevin Rains, Alan Creech and myself are leaving in a few minutes to get to Columbus and be with our brothers and sisters.

I have no more words to say.

Church as a Movement of Spirit

Just for the record: I had really intense dreams of Chad Canipe last night, something in the Spirit and it woke me up. Thoughts of him continue to consume me.

Tonight in Student House Church as we were praying for our needs as a community, the Spirit told me to see if they had any questions, which took me off my agenda for the night, but that's the way of the Spirit. Instead of reading and meditating on the next 5 stations of the Cross, we talked theology and asked questions. We talked of denominations and of churches and of the order of things. These are questions that have been dialogued for centuries with very little conclusions and lots of baggage. But nonetheless, its a worthy conversation.

My answer is usually the same. They know my motto, "Church is not someplace you go, its a people you belong to." If you understand that paradigm change, you understand the DNA of Ordinary Community Church. But also most fundamentally is that "Church is a Movement of Spirit." I heard Erwin McMannus say that at Mosaic Church in L.A. about 6 years ago and it has stuck with me because I believe it and I think history indicates that truth. Church is fundamentally not a budget, not a building, not a vocation, not a program, not a strategy, not a service, not a set of beliefs, not a cause, not a doctrine, not a political force etc, etc. I believe that Church is most fundamentally a movement of Spirit. You can choose to listen and participate and be in its flow. Now that flow may take you through any of things listed above, but the Spirit supercedes those ideas. The Spirit is in communion with the Kingdom of God, and the KOG is the basis of all reality. Follow the Spirit and you find the Kingdom. Learning to hear the Spirit, well, that's a discipline.

And before the theological blogger police come and question me, let me say that listening to the Spirit is not opposed to the things written in the Scriptures. In fact, they are the same voice. If we lose touch of the Spirit, as a Church, we have lost our identity and in fact have no Gospel at all. And if you have no real Gospel (good news), then you are irrelevant. sound familiar to anyone?



side note: Its 10:30 p.m. Amy Palmer just called while I was writing this. The ambulance just took Palmer back to the hospital. He is really weak and unable to function at home normally. They are hoping some fluids will get him feeling better get him some strength.

The Church is a movement of Spirit. I am now going to bed with just one prayer in my soul: "may the Spirit move in Palmer's body." I am so sorry he has to suffer this way. so very sorry. How long, oh Lord? How long? How long until you show your Glory?

peace,

sometimes you are reminded why you teach

I was out on a family night tonight and ended with some ice cream. I ran into a student that I had 4 years ago and haven't seen since. It was my 1st year at the christian high school and he was in a bad place. His home life was falling apart, it was both shameful and painful to him. His life was all about survival, his childhood and teenage years robbed from him. He struggled greatly with depression and cutting himself. We often just sat down and had conversations about life, hope and God. My heart breaks for these kinds of students and I think its the reason I was sent to CCS, amongst others. When he left after that 1st year, I lost contact and wasn't sure which way he would go.

Tonight as we were leaving, he made sure to stop me and say a few words to my face. It went something like this: "I want you to know how much of an impact you made on my life. A couple years ago I turned my entire life around and got on track and you were one of the primary reasons. The things you told me left a huge impression and I found God." He also mentioned that I sent him Psalm 142 at some point and it became the 1st passage he memorized when he gave his life to Christ. I noticed he had some pretty sweet Greek ink on his wrist, I should have asked him what it said. He is spending his summer after graduation in Thailand on a missions trip.

These kinds of meetings just are really meaningful to me. Tells me to invest into the lives of the broken, you never know what Christ will do. He tends to make broken things quite beautiful. i am criticized for my un-orthodox approach and some think I'm a dangerous influence to students. I just think that Jesus is dangerous and he tends to change lives. I'm just a voice in the wilderness and sometimes I'm reminded how purposeful it can be.

peace,

Chad Canipe Memorial

Sorry for the delay and my lack of "tech-i-ness", but to the right is a button to check out options to donate to Chad Canipe's family needs. Paul McGillivary set this up the day that Chad passed over to the Kingdom fullness and there's nothing more practical we can do than to care for Chad's family.

The last time I saw Chad after he had passed and still in his ICU bed, I asked him to teach us how to care for Renee and the boys. This is one of the ways to do it.

peace,

2nd week, new job

I'm still learning a lot when it comes to my new job, most of it is just a high learning curve of organization and systems. But, I really like the people. The University is professional from top to bottom and that is refreshing. My teaching schedule is also starting to book up, I'm scheduled for classes through July now, that part I love. Just trying to pack each day with as much learning as I can.

On another note, I am missing Chad really badly. This weekend he was in my thoughts and it weighs heavy on me this morning. We are getting our fight club together on Thursday evening and it will be the 1st one w/out Chad. It is very hard for me to admitt that. He was my brother in this spiritual war and I miss him dearly.

Stop and notice the Kingdom of God amongst you today,

Palmer update

Just talked to Palmer again in the hospital, such is the way with these kind of things, its up and down. The past day and a half have given him a lot of pain. He is in bed all day all night and his pain in located in his tailbone, so he's constantly w/out relief. His nausea continues to be his largest enemy. It keeps him from being able to eat, he hasn't eaten anything but fluids in over a week. No food = no energy and no being released from the hospital. His white blood count is also down making any chemo an impossibility, and he is considering refusing anymore chemo in lieu of some alternative approaches that are more wholistic w/out the poisons. He still has a lot of fight in him but he continues to suffer w/ a lot of grace. It just breaks my heart to hear his pain in his voice, I wish I could carry more of the load for him.

I need to put together another intentional fasting plan this week, please join me. The fight continues.

peace,

St. Patrick may have saved my life

There are so many myths and superstitions around St. Patrcik on this day, but I consider him in my top 5 heroes of all time. Why? Well, here's why:

1) He loved the Irish. He was English, as a slave in Ireland, he fell in love with the people there. Later in life, he went back as a missionary to them. He loved the people he felt called to serve, that's lesson #1 for ministry.

2) He thought differently. No suprise I love this. He got outside the walls of the Roman Catholic Church designed for Europe and incarnated the Gospel in a way they could understand. He used the 3 leaf clover to describe the Trinitarian God, that's genius. He used something they loved to let them know God has been with them all along.

3) He was passionate. He was constantly on the run for his life from those who opposed his work. None of that stopped him, his passion and courage won the day.

4) He organized Christian communities into small, networked clans, instead of building catehdrals for all to come to. First off, they didn't have the road system of modern Europe and Ireland was already organized in these kind of family structures. He used it, tied it to Authentic Christian Community and thus road them to one of the most explosive growth generations in the history of the Church. Patrick's clan structure was hugely influential to me in organizing Ordinary Community Church as it is today.

5) He used his right brain, the creative, imaginative side. I was taught ministry mostly from the left brain, rational and knowledge based. But I'm an Irishman and sometimes my heart wants to jump out of my chest and at times, alone in my car, I'm known to still let out primal screams. I cannot express my Christianity in only rational means, I need heart expression. Ministry is relational and often more art than science.

6) St. Patrick was a leader in his time. He died enough to himself to go do something different without caring what others thought. That's my model.

I love Celtic Christianity. It breathes in me. My ancestors are from Northern Ireland, strongly protestant and stubborn. There was a time in my life where I wanted to leave all forms of ministry forever. It was in this time that I discovered the real St. Partick in history and Celtic Christianity. St. Patrick and his ideas saved my life some 1400 years later.

Today I honor you, St. Patrick. I'm doing what I can to carry the banner of Christ amongst us, in us, by us and through us.

Celebrate the real St. Patrick today.

Anybody for some good news?

I made my daily call to Amy to see how Palmer was doing and who do I get on the phone? Palmer himself. HA ha ha ha ha ha, it was sooooooo good to hear his voice. We talked about the NCAA tournament, about the OSU Buckeyes playing tommorrow. He was up and alert, had his sense of humor and referred to me as "Pastor Marshall". Ha ah ah ha ha ha, I am loving it. He is not on supplemental fluids, rather he is drinking water and gatorade, processing it on his own and gaining some strength. His voice was positive and on the up. I'm even hearing rumors that his body is stopped up a bit but releasing flatulence to the duration of 8-12 seconds, thats music to our ears, the pipes are active.

Come on, Lord, come on with it. Bring your healing, bring your touch. Let him Rise, Lord, let him Rise. Everyday, more of you Lord. May your KIngdom come on earth as it is in heaven.

peace,

Ongoing prayer for Palmer

Let him Rise, Lord, let him Rise. And when he does, let Your glory ring around the earth. Let this healing draw Your Creation into a deeper experience of your Kingdom on earth.

peace of Christ unto Amy, Micah and the LP kids.

another good day

Amy indicated that Mark had another decent day. They are letting his body process on its own a bit but he's had only fluids for almost a week. So he's feeling quite weak without any whole foods or nutrients. Pray for continued progress. pray for gained strength, pray for the cancer to go away. And don't ever, ever give up. We are all in it together. If he is better by Friday, they will let him take his next round of poisonous chemo which always makes him sick. I don't think anyone could question Palmer's toughness, the dude has been through so much. He is a 6' 7" rock.

Let him rise, Lord, let him Rise.

If you have any prayers left, my new job w/ IWU has me completely overwhelmed. Im still emotionally exhausted from my brother Chad's passing. Now training and traveling on the new job has me mentally drained. I will be traveling the next 2 days as well. Its just a lot of info. and a lot of organization, I'm swimming. Its gonna take me some time but IWU is a great place and people to work for.

peace,

looking for good news?

talked to Amy yesteday and Palmer had a good day. His bowels kicked back in on their own, thanks to all the prayers for a movement ;) of God . . . tsk tsk. His situation was quite critical until this happened. He as well got out of bed, walked to a chair and was awake and talking w/ Amy. These are all signs of life. They are planning on giving him whole food today and seeing how his body reacts and processes it.

Do not give up praying for Palmer. Consider fasting for his new life. The Spirit continues to tell me "Don't give up, wait and see what I will do". Whatever that is, God, we're waiting for You.

Stop and notice the little signs of life around you today and breathe them in deeply.

peace,

update

Many are asking for updates on Palmer, as I get them, I'll post them.

From what I know last, they were trying to make Palmer comfortable in the hospital. He has a lot of swelling and a lot of nausea. His pain increases and moves. They are trying to empty his stomach and bowels with mixed results. It may be the new chemo or addtional tumors putting him in this position. The surgeons/doctors were waiting for him to process better before they made any additional reccomendations for treatments. Pray for comfort, pray for healing, pray for Amy. When I know more, I'll let y'all know. Palmer is so loved by so many. That's how it should be.

peace,

Chad's Memorial

Today at 10:00 at St. Elizabeth's here in Cincy we had the Memorial service for Chad Canipe. It was pretty amazing. The worship just lifted the room, the stories brought laughter and deep truths, the communion shared together made us realize the thin place between this world and the next. A huge thanks to all who made it happen, there are so many. The hope in the room lifted the cloud of darkness and gave room for the family to grieve in peace.

Yesterday, 10 of us gathered at 64 King in Columbus to pray for Palmer and give counsel to the Landing Place kids. It was a very fruitful time of community and intercession. At times our prayers were intense and in the Spirit. Palmer spent the night in the hospital and he is there now in great suffering. They are trying to make him comfortable, but his body is not responding. Amy finds herself alone at times to wait with him, please lift her up. I have not been released by the Holy Spirit to pray for anything else but his rising out of this sickness. So even tonight in my exhaustion, I pray for God to touch him and cause him to RISE. And when He does, we will let it ring over the earth.

There is so much to share from this weekend, but I'm so tired. In the midst of our suffering, God's Kingdom was exploding all around us. It is so rich to live in the ways of Jesus, suffering can't even touch it. I'll share more when I'm rested.

For tonight, Lord, let Palmer RISE!

amen.

To Columbus, and to War

By divine appointment, we have a Regional Gathering of Missional Community folk who have been journeying together for the past 4 years or so. People representing communities of faith in Oxford, Vermont, Florida, San Diego, Indianapolis, Lexington, Norwood, West Chester, Pleasant Ridge and anywhere else I can't remember. We had a planned gathering, and now we are all here to mourn and to grieve with and for the Canipe family. Last night we shared a meal and shared hours of community time, just as Chad would tell us to.

However, none of this is over. Palmer went into the hospital as well yesterday morning with pain. It turns out that there are more tumors causing him extreme pain in and near his bowels. They started a new round of chemo in the morning and it couples with a severe drug with side effects. Palmer was unable to come down and be with us last night, he's quite sick. So, unless he makes an incredible recovery overnight, we are going to him today. The community is mobile and not boxed in to times and places, we go where the Spirit tells us to. Chemo is no longer able to heal Palmer, only trying to manage the tumors. It is God who heals.

This morning, I am quite numb with the tragedies. But. War lives in my body. It carries me on. We go to Columbus to meet our enemy head on. We are not intimidated and we don't know fear. We are His people and He is the source of all life. Just one touch and the news of Palmer's resurrection will ring across the earth. So God, we ride out and meet the one who opposes your Kingdom on earth. We go to Columbus, and we go to War.

Wherever you are, whoever you are . . . you can War with us too. Its time for a Resurrection.

peace,

Chad Canipe, our brother has passed

As of about 7:00 this morning, my friend Chad Canipe crossed over to Kingdom fullness. We're incredibly sad, confused and hurt, but Chad has gone before us. We yearn to be where he is. We're making plans for a memorial at around 10:00 a.m. at St. Elizabeths in Norwood on Sunday. He was an amazing friend to me, so solid, so loyal.

Please pray for Renee, Colon and Aidan. Pray away the darkness so that they can mourn in peace. Its so overwhelming to lose someone like Chad, don't let the enemy bring despair to their hearts. Pray for peace, pray for presence, pray for Kingdom space to heal.

Tonight we gather to remember and celebrate life, the way Chad lived with us.

peace,

DO NOT STOP PRAYING FOR CHAD

Chad continues to fight with us in ICU. However, he has a blood clot in his leg that makes the situation that much more serious. They have to remove the clot surgically because he is unable to take blood thinners. In his fragile condition, surgery is high risk but neccesary. Friends, family, community, Pray for Chad.

Jesus, heal my friend, completely. Breathe life in his lungs, do a work of God. Our entire trust is in You, you are the author of life. Be a miracle maker, God, be a miracle maker. Hear the prayers of your people.

peace,

update on Chad

Just very initial reports. Chad remains in critical condition and is on a respirator. They believe it may be "vasculitis", a swelling of the blood vessels and an auto immune deficiency. They are still awaiting more results from the pulmonary specialist. Chad's vital signs remain strong, that is very hopeful. They hope to have a clear diagnosis then begin treatment. For now, they want him to remain stable and uneventful. Continue to pray.

Go God, heal his body.

peace,

Just a touch of His robe

"25A woman who had suffered a condition of hemorrhaging for twelve years-- 26a long succession of physicians had treated her, and treated her badly, taking all her money and leaving her worse off than before-- 27had heard about Jesus. She slipped in from behind and touched his robe. 28She was thinking to herself, "If I can put a finger on his robe, I can get well." 29The moment she did it, the flow of blood dried up. She could feel the change and knew her plague was over and done with.

30At the same moment, Jesus felt energy discharging from him. He turned around to the crowd and asked, "Who touched my robe?"

31His disciples said, "What are you talking about? With this crowd pushing and jostling you, you're asking, "Who touched me?' Dozens have touched you!"

32But he went on asking, looking around to see who had done it. 33The woman, knowing what had happened, knowing she was the one, stepped up in fear and trembling, knelt before him, and gave him the whole story.

34Jesus said to her, "Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague." -Mark 5 (The Message)

As we were in the waitiing room of the ICU yesterday, just trying to be a presence w/ Renee and the family, I saw a vision of this passage. The vision was of just the tip of Jesus' robe grazing over Chad's hand in his bed, and in result, a healing of his lungs. This is my focus of prayer today, just a touch of His robe will be a complete healing of Chad's body.

Just pass through his room, Lord. Graze his hand with your presence and release your life within him. Make him healed and whole that he may live well in the service of your Kingdom. We ask this of you, Lord. Hear your people. Amen.

Prayer and Fasting for Chad Canipe

This day has been a bit over the top on the "heavy" scale. Rains and I visited the hospital where Chad Canipe was admitted a couple days ago w/ pneumonia symptoms. Since then, things have not been going well. His breathing has been labored and today they did a surgical biopsy. When they got inside, they found that his lungs are hemoraging badly. The results of the biopsy won't be known until tommorrow. He is in critical condition and is breathing on a resperator only. He will remain in critical condition until they identify what is happening to his lungs. Needless to say, this is a heavy burden for all of us, particularly for his wife, Renee and their 2 sons. On top of this, today is Colon's birthday (oldest son). His vitals are strong and stable, that's a great positive.

As Rains and I left the hospital this evening, we were debriefing w/ Chad's Mom. We asked if she needed any dinner and she said, "this isn't a time to eat, this is a time to fast and pray". So, at her request, we want to put out a call for people to consider fasting and praying for Chad on Wednesday. Pray for the lungs to stop hemoraging, for the biopsy to reveal a cause and for the doctors to have wisdom in their plan. Pray also for the family, they are heart-broken. Chad needs us, let's be community to him.

I spend the earlier part of the day w/ Palmer in Columbus and it was a great visit. We split a kettle of ginger tea at the coffee house, then for Asian food for lunch. Some sushi and pah tai, good good stuff. We had a lot of great conversations and just shared our friendship. He is a dear brother to me and my innards continue to war in prayer for his complete healing. We had a couple moments to just pray, that's always good. By the way, his wife Amy is just an amazing woman. Its fun to see her care for our brother, he's in such good hands. So, in a random moment in a public restroom, the Spirit spoke to me today regarding Palmer. He said, "Don't give up, just wait for what I'm going to do". Nuff said.

Last night, I made an apostolic visit to Creech in Lexington for some Irish food and deep conversation. It was good to see the Creech kids and Liz as well. Their new home just screams hospitality and "all are welcome" here. Im a big Creech family fan, it was a no-brainer to make the trip down and back.

Please consider fasting and praying for Chad. These are trying times. I'm gonna go get some rest, for when I awake, it'll be time to raise the sword again. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for my brothers that I'm in community with, and I know the feelings are mutual.

peace,

Farewell CCS

I thought I could cruise to and through my last day, but its obvious that it will not be the case. I woke at 3:00 a.m. and began writing emails to my colleagues at CCS, thanking them for their role in my life. Now its 4:00 and I am reaching for the words I would like to say on my last day.

When there is a void of communication and relationship, often fear and misperception can take its place. I really am not the angry, dangerous person that I am perceived to be by some. I am learning that the blogworld and my words here can present me that way without real relationship to back it up. I am a passionate Irishman to my core and say things in heated moments that when taken out of context, can be damaging. But those who know me, know that I say those things because i care, i care about the hearts that are around me and when they are hurting, I am hurting. There is an unfortunate misperception, that I am a danger to the Gospel or the teaching of Christianity. That my lack of conservatism is an indication not of Biblical and theological reflection, but an undercurrent of New Age spirituality. I have nothing to hide and welcome any specific concerns or questions, but the perception remains. My only response is that the best way to know where a tree gets its nutrients is to look at its fruit. If the tree bears fruit that looks likes Jesus, then it must be connected to the Vine that is Jesus.

I have friendships with fellow teachers, past graduates and present students at CCS that have just filled my heart over and over. (Man, I'm so sentimental right now) There have been classes where the exchange of dialogue around the Kingdom of God and Scripture with students was so energized tht we could have had Bible class all day into the night. Those are the teaching moments I will cherish. Just seeing in the eyes of students that they "get it" has been the most fun. i state on the 1st day of class each year that "Community is the best enviorment for real learning" and we have found that to be true. My new position will be quite different, where most of it will be done in an administrative role. I know that I am going to miss the classroom a lot. I am going to miss high school students, I truly love that age of transition. It takes a while to earn their trust, but when you do. they are sponges for learning.

This is going to be a difficult day, more difficult than I anticipated. I am not just leaving a job, I'm leaving a ministry. The words that have been spoken to me in person, in email, in cards, in letters etc. have been so deep, heartfelt and exhilirating to read. My love-language is "spoken words" and I am so full right now my cup is running over. I have such deep satisfaction in the fruit I see in students that I could write a book on it, and maybe I should :) Farewell, CCS. I am rooting you on from a different role now. May His Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.

His Kingdom is exploding around me today.

peace,

Reflections of Lessons Learned

It is natural for me to reflect a bit in this time of transition and I wanted to mention a few lessons I've learned over the past 4 years while at CCS.

1) Yeserday I mentioned that I wasn't sure I wanted to work at a Christian School with overtly Christian students, what I learned was that my perception was wrong. I grew up in public schooling and my kids are in public schooling. Its as much for financial reasons as philosophical reasons but I certainly understand why parents are looking for choices out there. What I learned is that students are students the same everywhere. There is pain, hardship, brokeness, lostness and needs everywhwere. My stereotype of a Christian School wasn't exactly accurate. I believe I was called to CCS for this season particularly for those with many questions, doubts, pain and longings in their hearts to understand how the Gospel of the Kingdom was for them. As well, I think that the "good" Christian students from great families saw a different perspective, learned to think for themsevles and we found great mutual respect for one another.

2) The reason why parents should send their students to CCS is because its a place where students are not a number, but can be cared for as individuals. There is no question in my mind that the #1 strength of CCS is that the staff genuinely cares for the students and the students know it. Even as there is conflict or complaints over teaching styles and academic difficulties, students will tell you that the teachers genuinely care for them and want the best for them. I'm not sure I ever had that in any of my academic experiences.

3) The Gap between the traditional church and any streams of emerging church (still not sure what I think about that term) can be bridged through genuine relationship. I told the administrators hiring me 4 years ago that I didn't think I was their man, that I didn't represent what was typical of their shareholders. They disagreed and so I re-entered the traditional Christian culture and learned a lot. I always tried to explain my views and flavor of doing church as my own reflection and story and not as "the way" to do church. I sought to honor all the Christian traditions represented at CCS and let everyone have a voice. I hope that I was successful in this because models of church are not the "Big" idea, the Kingdom is the "Big" idea and there is plenty of room under that umbrella for many expressions of Church. I learned that regardless of Christian tradition, there are real people who care about the Church on all sides and are seeking to live out the old faith in a new world.

4) I learned that I love teaching. About 6 years ago, I fired myself from vocational ministry. Believing that I wanted to plant small communities of faith that were not dependent on pastor salaries or church facilities. Rather if we did it right, 80% of our income could be available for ministry. In doing that, I entered a dark transition and identity crisis. I had always been a pastor, I have a Youth Ministry degree and a Seminary Masters of Divinity. What could I do in the real world? Well, that has been a journey. CCS was a place and a training ground for me to develop teaching skills and philosophy of doing that. I learned how to present content, but keep the atmosphere relational and interactive. I am constantly learning how to make the classroom student oriented and not teacher dominated. I now believe that this is the vocation I could spend the rest of my life in as I use it to support my habit, which is planting communities of faith.

5) I learned that God provides. When I signed my first contract at CCS, it was for less than my first job out of college. The difference was that I now had 2 kids and one more on the way. After the 1st year, I transitioned roles from administration to full-time teaching and took a $5k paycut from there. All the while, I had no idea how ends would be met. Literally, on paper, I had no idea how to make it work. 4 years later, my kids have never missed a meal. Now I'm hardly the martyr, because as $ is always tight, we not only made it but have done it relatively comfortable. All along, God provided. Sometimes in unexpected gifts, sometimes in providing for me side jobs, sometimes just teaching us how to manage what we have. I learned that income is relative, We don't make as much as public school teachers, public school teachers don't make as much as other public servants, public servants don't make as much as those in private business . . . but all make more than 98-99% of the rest of the world. In America, the large majority of us are in the top 1% of wealth in the world. Its all relative, less we start feeling too sorry for ourselves.

6) I learned that the Gospel of the Kingdom is more like a virus than academic content. It is more caught than taught. I have given hundreds of "celebrations of learning" :) (quizzes) and exams over the past 4 years but I bet you that students barely remember any of it. What they will remember is if I embodied the Kingdom theology to them. Students don't remember what you teach, they remember what you value.

7) I believe my largest accomplishment is what my daily goal was. "To prepare students for a lifetime of Christ-following". It grieved me to know that students at Christian schools were not just graduating from Christian schools, but they were graduating from Christianity. This was my written goal each year and my biggest thrills come from hearing back from graduates how they are continuing to incorporate their faith in the middle of who they are and who they are becoming. That is really all I cared about. I wanted students to join the revolution of Christ-following and find that the Kingdom of God was not a place we go to after we die, but the experience real life now. To belong to God and let Him belong to you. To know that you are the beloved and He is yours. Then to pariticipate with Him in the ushering in of a new heaven and a new earth. To live in the reality of "your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven."

I will greatly miss my students and my colleagues who have been another kind of spiritual community to me. I know that some of these friendships will go on for quite some time.

I also pray for the leadership of CCS because there are many roles to fill and it takes wisdom, discernment and God's provision for that to happen. That is not an easy task and they are having to do it while working other full-time jobs to suppport their families on. I wish CCS nothing but the best and a prosperous future.

peace,

Last Week at CCS

This will be my last week at Cincinnati Christian High School as the Bible Dept. Head. When I came to CCS 4 years ago, I came unwillingly. I wanted nothing to do with a bunch of spoiled Christian kids and represent traditional Christianity. Every year, I thought it would be my last, but God seemed to keep calling me back. Then I got to the point where I thought I would be content to be there for 10 more years. That's about when I was approached to consider going full-time at Indiana Wesleyan University in administration and teaching. I will be working in Student Services for the Cincy and Dayton campus as well as continuing to teach night classes. My job will change dramatically and so will my hours. Its a great opportunity for me to continue teaching at the University level while improving the resources for my family. The benefits and salary will be a much needed improvement. Plus I can pursue a doctorate in Education through IWU for free, and that's a good price. Its more administrative than what I do presently, but I will have a full time administrative assistant working for me to do the detail work. I wil be doing a lot of life counseling with adults trying to improve their life and 1/2 of them are not followers of Jesus. So I remain on the front lines of inviting people into the Kingdom Story, which is my passion.

So, then there's leaving the students I have invested my blood, sweat and tears into. I'm not a person who does things halfway, so I fully gave myself to these students to try and show them a Gospel worth following. I was not there to give them more Bible content, I was there to war for their hearts and invite them to a lifetime of Christ following. In the midst of doing that, I became close to them personally. I actually enjoy being around them and looked forward to each class. I tried to teach that the only proper rebellion is the Jesus kind of rebellion. In particular, this senior class I have journeyed with for 4 years and it grieves me to leave them before their final year ends, but I'll be around. I will be back for senior trip if its allowed and I'll be at graduation to see them move on. Student House Church continues as well on Sunday nights with no limits.

This is going to be a hard week, like I'm breaking up with a serious girlfriend. But God just keeps writing the Story and all we can do is be present in our moments and then turn the pages.

peace,

Zach update amongst other thoughts

autism senior

Check out that link for a pretty heart warming story. Yesterday, Zach had his autism evaluation test which is the latest in a long line of tests dating back to July. The only one left is a hearing test that depends on the fluid in his ears clearing up in the next few weeks. The diagnosis will come after all the tests are put together and evaluated.

Nicki and I are seeing real improvements in Zach since he started the special-ed pre-school program. He is open to cooperation with others and is trying to speak more and enjoy it. When I see those things happening, I just get all geeked up. Plus, Nicki was gone for 6 days to Florida for her annual "girls trip" so Zach and I logged a lot of hours together, I cherished every minute of it. He is more responsive to me now than ever and I'm loving it. I know with his limitations that the world can be confusing and frustrating, but when he makes progress the stress can roll off his face and I see a smile ear to ear.

Nicki and I were both high achievers in athletics, it was somewhat our identity. Its natural that we want to see our kids find something they love and be great at it. With Zach, we have to wonder what his limitations may dictate for him and what he'll have to overcome. When I saw the above story on SportsCenter during breakfast yesterday morning, I about cried. I'm filled with hope for my son and am just enjoying the moment.

On a final note. Pray for Palmer. I will never give up the fight. I hate sickness, I hate disease . . . they are not of the Kingdom that we belong to. Creator of our Being, heal my brother completely.

peace,

Student House Church

For those participating in Student House Church, here's an announcement. My house is not done yet, the floors are still being finished and lots of clean-up has to happen but I still want to get together because its been too long. I thought we could something social and have a little community time. I will be at the Starbucks in Barnes & Noble on Union Center at 6:00 for coffee. Then I would be interested in going to a movie @ the Rave @ 7:00. We could either see "Second Chance" (don't know much, seems interesting) or Pink Panther (not sure if its good but I loved those movies growing up). If any of you would like to hang, come on out. I had no other way of communicating, so the blog will be my message board. e-mail me if your interested in hanging out tonight > cmarsh01@fuse.net

Had a great night last night for dinner, then coffee & dessert w/ Kevin Rains and Joe Long. A little Andy's Mediterranean is always the perfect spot for good food and conversation. I'm blessed to have these Kingdom friendships. A lot is going on with all 3 of us in our vocations, transitions and deals being made. Good to have others to talk things over with. I will share more about my vocational transition here soon.

peace,

I've been Podcasted

I believe this is a first, but Klinefelter podcasted our school chapel today where I shared some words on solitude and launching into our world with Power. IMHO the preacher is a bit long-winded but you can judge for yourself.
Chris Podcast

Cuthbert's Holy Island

A couple years ago when Palmer and I were traveling and retreating on the north coast of England, we stayed for a couple nights at Northumbria Christian Community. We hitched a ride on one of the days to Holy Island where St. Aidan and St. Cuthbert spent a lot of time monking and where the ruins of an anciet monastery was. Off of Holy Island is another very small island called "Cuthbert Island" that is only accessible at low tide. It was here that St. Cuthbert got away from his daily tasks and ministry to commune with his heavenly Father. Palmer and I both have very fond memories of that island, it seemed holy.
In my mind today, I'm sailing away there. To walk over its earth. To sit under the cleft of the rocks and stare at the expanse of the North Sea. To let the wind blow over me and ponder my existence. I'm a pretty extreme extrovert, but over the past few years, God has been pruning me to find times of quiet and solitude. To meet Him in this kind of encounter and find my being. Not to escape my world, but to monk in the real world. Train my mind and heart to slow down and be centered in my belonging to Christ. I am speaking in chapel today on this topic, I pray that my words would be His words.

‘The renewal of the church will come from a new type of monasticism which only has in common with the old an uncompromising allegiance to the Sermon on the Mount.' Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Find peace to monk in the real world today,

Great OCC Weekend

Man, was I due for a great weekend and it delivered. My stomach flu was gone by Friday afternoon, my blood thinners have effecitively ridded myself of the extreme pain and I was ready for some spiritual community time. There were about 40 folk all had a blast. We partied, we played, we ate alot, we worshipped, we prayed, we learned together. It was a Holy Spirit love fest. We're all quite exhausted but I'll be rested enough to return to my teaching duties tommorrow and that is well overdue.

The things that were shared on Saturday night were quite significant. Testimonies of how this little church called Ordinary Community has brought healing, restoration and hope to individuals and families made me pretty teary eyed and proud. I had a dream of a church like this back in 1997, it took til 2001 to plant it, and now 5 years later we are continually yielding the fruits of lives lived in real community under the Rule and Reign of the Kingdom of God.

I don't spend a lot of time in the larger "emerging church" conversation, rather just try to live out what we believe is authentic Christ following and the critics can label it what they want. I believe that if the Church is emerging or reforming, it is to happen in the local context where relationships are happening. The Church is the movement of the People.

While I take the time to celebrate these victories, I also recognize the Enemy's footprints still in our camp. So War is always upon us. As we practice His presence, we have Power to overcome.

peace,

To War

http://www.asbury.edu/press/chapelcontinues06 check out this link

So if everything else I'm dealing with wasn't enough, I contracted the stomach flu last night as well. Have had a fever of 102 off and on and many slow trips to the restroom w/ crutches. All of this has completely wiped me out. But I oppose this crap.

Palmer was supposed to come down and be interviewed by me in CCS chapel today and we had to postpone it due to my condition. We both feel strongly that something important in the Spirit was supposed to happen so we will make sure to re-schedule.

Our OCC retreat is this weekend and if I feel the way I do right now, I can't go. And in my heart, I feel I'm supposed to be there. So I have to fight this sickness in prayer tonight.

The revival happening at Asbury College right now (I'm an Asbury Seminary graduate) is in line with the revivals that broke out there in the 1950's and 1970's. They started chapel on Monday and its still gooing. These are consistent with things we experienced in the mid-90s around many college campuses, including Trinity where my wife and I went. Are they authentic? I guess thats a matter of discernment. But they are marked not with emotional worship, but with a heavy realization of sin and repentance. I want to be open to the waves of the Spirit. In the Spirit, I sense that this weekend will be significant for our community and I would like to be there.

So tonight I go to war against my sickness.

Dr. appointment

I got another shot of blood thinner this morning and will be giving myself 2 shots a day for the next week. I am also ramping up with medication that I will be taking for the next 6-9 months and will have blood drawn often to monitor the progress. The Dr. was very confident that the shots and medication will be highly effective to deal with the clot.

So on top of my rehab process for the next 6-12 months to get my left leg back, I will also be treating my blood condition. 2006 looks like a year of joy for me. But, in the midst of all of this, God has protected and provided for me and for that I give Him my worship . . . all of it.

peace,

update

Had an okay night, slept about 5 hours or so. Im having a fever that is kind of making me achey. At the ER it was about 102, had about something like that early this morning. They say it could be from a low grade infection somewhere. But with my foot up, I had no real pain all night and no other symptoms that the clot has moved. I'll be leaving in 30 min. for my Dr. appointment and will get some more info. then.

thanks for the prayers.

peace,

Please Pray

The reason for all the abnormal pain I've had since my achilles surgery came to the surface today. I went back to teach today for the 1st time since my surgery and it didn't go well at all. I was in such pain that I was nauseated even while sitting down. Something just wasn't right, so I called the orthopedist and they agreed to see me around 1:45. The Dr. cut into my cast and saw that there was no infection and all looked normal. Then he realized that all my pain was not at the incision, but higher in my calf. He began to get immediately alarmed. He poked and prodded then sent the nurse to make a phone call. He feared it was a blood clot so they were rushing me to the hospital to the vascular lab to get a doppler ultrasound done right away. I speeded there, crutched for about 15 minutes til I found it and then had the test done. The Dr. expected to find nothing because it would be extremely rare in this kind of surgery and at my age, but it was a positive test. There is a blood clot in my left calf. I spent the next 2 hours waiting in the ER to see a Dr. to get a shot to my belly w/ blood thinner. I just got home and will go to see my family doctor at 9:00 a.m. to talk through a long term treatment, the shot will last about 12 hours.

The seriousness of a clot is that if it releases from my calf, it could go straight to my lungs and cause heart attack. I'm kind of on alert for those symptoms tonight. The good news is that its below the knee which has a less likelihood of releasing to my lungs.

Friends, this ordeal scared the @#$% of out my wife and I. I had a really hard time keeping it together. To go from a sports injury to something life threatening kind of took the wind out of my sails, and my wife who has been working so hard keeping so much on track as I've been down and out. I don't know what this means yet for my life. I have to look into disability insurance as I'm not sure when I'll be fit to get back in the classroom and that makes me quite sad.

I'll be honest, I'm still scared and need your prayer.

peace to you and your house this night,

stuff from other blogs

just reading other blogs give me items for humor, deep thought and sometimes changes my mind on things. Here's a few from today:

Rick Meigs
The nine core practices of emerging churches are well-defined and illustrated with comments from those who are “practitioners” of contextualizing the gospel of the kingdom of God in the postmodern world.

1. Identifying with Jesus (and his way of life)
2. Transforming secular space (overcoming the secular/sacred split)
3. Living as community (not strangers in proximity at a church service)
4. Welcoming the stranger (radical and gentle hospitality that is inclusive)
5. Serving with generosity (not serving the institution called “church,” but people)
6. Participating as producers (not widgets in the church program)
7. Creating as created beings
8. Leading as a body (beyond control and the CEO model of leadership)
9. Merging ancient and contemporary spiritualities
“Emerging churches destroy the Christendom idea that church is a place, a meeting or a time. Church is a way of life, a rhythm, a community, a movement.”

John Henson
The other article I just read was on the Ooze and deals with the need for less manager Christians and more who are described as mystic, poet, and dreamer. I love the quote:
"When I meet a Buddhist monk, I meet a holy man. When I meet a Christian pastor, I meet a manager.." A Chinese Businessman traveling in America

Jeremiah Smith love this bro.
Build your own church PC game


This from Rains a few days ago.
"In conversion you are not attached primarily to an order, nor to an institution, nor a movement, nor a set of beliefs, nor a code of action -- you are attached primarily to a Person, and secondarily to these other things... You are not called to get to heaven, to do good, or to be good -- you are called to belong to Jesus Christ. The doing good, the being good, and the getting to heaven, are the by-products of that belonging. The center of conversion is the belonging of a person to a Person."

E. Stanley Jones


all good stuff.
peace,

Launch from Center

Our annual family retreat for Ordinary Community Church is coming this weekend and our theme this year is "launch from center". We will be talking about the spiritual disciplines and living a centered life in Christ in which we launch our life in this world. We will be utilizing 2 of Henri Nouwen's teachings, his book "Way of the Heart" and "Reaching Out". The sessions for the kids will have a "space" theme and will talk about the values of prayer, scripture reading and loving neighbor.

We will be staying in a lodge together about 45 min. from our homes, its so good to get away and be community together. We will have about 40 adults and kids, good times. There will be highly inter-active teachings for kids and adults, experiential learning is our DNA. There will be crazy fun, extended late-night worship session, times for solitude, prayer for one another, time for the prophetic . . . all to receive from and give to God.

Friday night will kick off with a kickin' family karaoke/dance party. I will be mixin' the jams from my iPod, since I can hardly move, at least I can serve my community from my seat with 80's tunes that rock hizzy. Just some time to blow off some steam and be together inter-generationally. Ain't no party like an OCC party . . .

I am a bit down given my newly lame leg. I am looking forward to teaching from my heart, being with God and around my spiritual community. I can be authentically me around them, and that is a gift. I don't have to be strong or have it all together, I can be broken and yet I am loved. That is what Kingdom community is all about.

peace,

Off the Map hires an Atheist

Jim Henderson and Off the Map is at it again, doing something crazy to try and raise awareness about doable evangelism and engaging some of God's missing in authentic conversation. They won an eBay bid on an atheist in Chicago who agreed to visit one church for each $10 raised. Its a very funny scenario and has gotten local Chicago press attention. Jim is always looking to do something innovative to keep the conversation going when it comes to evangelism.
OTM atheist

If you like this kind of "off the map" thinking, you should check out Jim's book here at Bean books:
aka lost

Its a great easy read on new evangelism and Jim is one of the smartest and most creative guys out there on the subject. Oh yeah, and he's a great friend of mine and mentor.

for those who care, my swelling has really decreased and thus so has my pain. much more manageable now. thanks for the prayers.

peace,

Super Bowl XL

I am rooting for the Seahawks because of all my friends in Seatle and its the coolest U.S. city to visit by far. And I will carry out my grudge vs. the Steelers as the Bengals rival. But my mind tells me that Pitt. will win this game. They are more balanced, extremely physical and I think the defense will dominate. The only weakness for Pitt. is if Ben's youth catches up to him and he chokes. But he is showing no signs of that. He's a good Ohio boy :)

Prediction: Steelers 31 Seahawks 21

On a recovery note, I'm in a lot of pain. Started last night and all night. Dr. said that will continue through day today. Looking for relief.
As I wait, I have to watch Joey Porter of the Steelers run his mouth over the audacity of a Seahawk player suggesting they would like to win the game. I hate Hype, play the game and shut your mouth. Joey is coming off looking like a fool, like Clubber Lang from Rocky III.

well, off to more rest and hopefully more comfort.

peace,

Out from under the knife

Had surgery this morning to repair my achilles tendon and according to the doctor, all went as planned. I have some Kevlar threads tieing my tendon together to encourage a complete healing. What is left is a hard cast to my knee which isn't much fun. I'm having some pain, some soreness and swelling, but nothing too major. I'm loaded with supplies of percoset, vicodin, anti-biotics and muscle relaxers. So I have all I need to stay comfy. Nicki rented me some movies, otherwise I'm watching a lot of ESPN Classic, The Learning Channel, History Channel, Discovery Channel and VH1. I can't remember the last time I've sat down and watched this much TV.

We're hosting our annual Super Bowl party on Sunday regardless of my condition. If you're in the area and need a place to watch the game and hang out w/ cool folk, you're invited. That includes those of you active in the Sunday night Student House Church. The party starts at 5, bring something to pass around.

* I need to say a HUGE thank you to somebody out there who responded to my frustration a few posts back about the financial implications of my procedures and Zach's test. I received an annonomous card in my school mailbox with an extremely generous gift of cash. There are not many people at our school with disposable income so I know that this was sacrificial giving and I can't tell you how much my family is thankful and how much it communicated hope to me. Thank you.

The Percoset is starting to kick in, I better stop typing or I might say something unnatural.

peace,

An Invitation to the Desert

It is completely against my nature to slow down, be patient, be quiet or seek solitude. My identity is as a doer, a mover and shaker, one who makes things happen, someone who gets things done. My strength has been as a doer. It is apparent that because of my injury over the next 6-12 months, I will not get as much done.

So what does that leave me with? It leaves me with an invitation to the desert. 2 of my favorite contemplative authors, Henri Nouwen and Thomas Merton, talk about the desert as the place where God forms us. Sometimes we choose the desert, sometimes the desert chooses us. Its a metaphor remembering our church fathers who left their place in the world to seek solitude in God's presence in the wilderness of a physical desert and eventually formed monastic communities there. Bill Bean and I have talked in the past of how we have been mostly formed through the "Seminary of the desert" as opposed to the Seminary training we spent a lot of $$ on.

The desert is a way through suffering. The desert can be lonely and challenging, but it is formative. My heart is still reluctant to receive this invitation and give up my identity for this period of time. To alter my expectations, to change my mentality, to learn to be quiet and meditate. Aaron Klinefelter said it could by my "year of contemplation". Joe Long said I could finally have the time to write a book. (not a bad idea, Joe)

Nouwen says that for the spiritual leader, we have to learn to be irrelevant. That when we ultimately die to our need to be needed, only then can we truly love our neighbor. That its a positive experience to contemplate your "nothingness" in the desert and be embraced by our Beloved.

I'm holding my invitation to the desert. I just haven't sent in my R.S.V.P. yet.

peace,

The Reign of God

I'm dealing with the emotional and mental part of this deal, realizing that my life will be qualitatively different for 6 months. There is a lot of disappointment in all of that. Surgery will be on Thursday morning and the idea of that leaves my stomach feeling a bit queazy.

However, there is another side to this. My life will have to slow down, and that can be its own opportunity. When it comes to 6 months of rehab, instead of being impatient about getting it over with, I could make a choice to monk it. Think slow, deliberate, steady, breathe in the moments, pray unceasingly, gain inner and outer strength.

With all of life's disappointments, they fall under the same rule of God as our blessings. I live in a covenant relationship with the God of Creation. It is under His reign that ALL of my life is under. So I don't have to be strong, rather, I am coming needy today. My life is secure because it belongs to the Kingdom of God and is experienced under His Reign.

peace,

!@#$%

My left achilles is completely ruptured, the ER doctor was wrong. It looks like I may be scheduled for surgery on Thursday to repair it with a Kevlar staple of some sort. Then its 6 weeks in a cast. Then 6 weeks in an air cast boot (I'm in one now). That's 3 months in a cast. Then 3 additional months of rehab. I won't run for 6 months following surgery and all my daily life routines will have to change or be realigned. Bright side is that its my left foot so I can still drive, but not my truck which is a stick shift. So I'm gonna have to get rid of it. Going to pick up my grandmothers car this evening.

Zach's test today was a disaster like his last one. He refuses to cooperate and somehow the specialists at Children's Hospital can't grasp that. They are expecting him to do things that we can tell them he absolutely won't or can't do. They seem to put the burden of responsibility on us to make him do these things he is incapable of doing. The perception for us is that he must be a worse case of whatever he has than they are used to dealing with and that seems to be our problem. He has an appointment is thursday w/ ear/nose/throat which won't go well because he won't let anybody see him in that way. The sedation would be for a hearing test following that. His autism test is scheduled to be 3 hours long, my prediction like today's psych. evaluation is that it will be 30 min. tops because he won't do it. These tests at children's hospital were supposed to help us evaluate his condition, diagnose anything that may be a barrier, and launch us to more steps to unlock his intelligence and cope better with his behavior. Its turning out to be one diaster appointment after another, none of them helpful. Its an hour of driving round trip and we're just doing the co-pays to help the economy. It appears whatever Zach's issues may be, they are beyond their resources to know or help with.

I'm not going to lie, I am deeply, deeply disappointed. If any of these treatments for Zach and I come back not covered by insurance, we can't afford to cover them. I can't add another job on top of the 4 I'm spread out on as it is.

Im sure I'll get perspective in a couple days, for today, I'm just really pissed off.

I used to be an athlete

So I was playing basketball yesterday at the YMCA, trying to cover a big guy that was just killing everybody on the court, scoring at will. When my team got back on the court to take winners, I went to D him up again. He passed left, I accelerated towards the pass and then it happened . . . SNAP . . . and I was on my face. My first response was that somebody shot me, when I turned to see the shooter, I realized there was no smoking gun, rather I was hurt bad.

Spent the evening in the ER and found that I tore my achilles. It doesn't seem to be a total rupture, but its definitely torn. Monday or Tuesday I will see the Podiatrist, get an MRI and get the verdict. I am hoping that the tear can be healed without surgery, it seems to be a 50/50 chance. Either way I am looking at months of rehab and recovery . . . and I am not happy about that.

Presently, I have a soft cast on, crutches and vicodin. I slept for a bit, but now am up. You take your health for granted when things are well and now I would do anything to go back to when I had a healthy achilles. I just got back to running on Saturday in preparation for my 10K and 15K in March and 1/2 Marathon in May. All of that is cancelled now and that's a big disappointment.

But let's put this all in perspective, I tore my achilles, it will heal. My son has another test at Children's Hospital today, one that he will be sedated for, in an ongoing barrage of tests for autism or other source of his lack of development. Its very stressful on my wife to keep putting him in these trying situations. He's healthy and happy, but something inside him is not right. And my brother, Palmer. I think about him everyday, multiple times a day. I stand with him in solidarity against the cancer and keep asking our God for hope and healing.

I told myself I wouldn't blog on vicodin, I think I did ok :)

peace,

Celtic Daily Prayer

I have gotten back to reading and praying the Daily Office from Celtic Daily Prayer and I'm wondering why I ever stopped. I have resumed finding my center in Christ through the morning prayers and canticle, next step is the mid-day prayer. Then would be resuming the evening office and night canticle with my wife and children before bed.

I have fallen into the lie of the busy and the urgency of the immediate. That way of thinking is worldly and leads to a scattered soul. Temptation seems more rational in that state, instead of the festering invitation to death that it really is. Stopping to breathe in my relationship with Abba in the morning through CDP is my launching point.

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.

peace,

Prayer without ceasing

An old man and his wife had been married for many years. Content in each other's company they rarely needed to speak. Another man, speaking of his way of praying, has said, 'I looks at Him, and He looks at me, and we're happy together.'
My eyes, my eyes have seen the King,
My eyes, my eyes have seen the King,
The vision of His beauty,
Has pierced me deep within;
to whom else can I go?

- Celtic Daily Prayer, Jan. 26 Aidan Reading

How do we measure prayer? We don't. We simply relate with Abba in intimacy and keep that conversation going. We have a mystical union with God, not a calculated program. Abba is near, we simply need to stop and receive the embrace.

Stop and notice the Kingdom amongst you today,

Attention iPod geeks!!

Here's a pretty sweet offer on a smokin' Kenpo iPod jacket. I've seen this jacket, its worth trying to win.

Check out this link for more info: iPod jacket

Just pushing along the info. if you like free stuff.

peace,

is my 9 year old ready to blog?

Ali, my 9 year old daughter just wrote this yesterday. I found her on my computer and asked her what she was doing. She said she just felt like writing something to God. She has taken up writing and poetry this past year and seems to enjoy it as a past-time now. Here is her latest piece of art:

"Our life is only one chapter of this big book and there are thousands and millions of chapters to be written. We have a reason in life and it is written in that book. We look forward to what that reason in life is that is written in that book. And we hope someday we will see that book. That God will open up that book and we will know the purpose of our life. When that first chapter is over we that God will welcome us into the next chapter to heaven. We hope we are happy in heaven and that one day everyone will believe in Jesus and that every single person will be in heaven.

You find your meaning in life listening through prayer and reading the Bible and last but not least, you make the choices you think are right and God thinks is right. That is how I am going to find my meaning written in that book."

By: Alison J. Marshall

Personal Retreat

After I give my last exam today, I'm going on personal retreat. I need to rest, think, pray, be alone, relax, worship, write, recreate, plan . . . and did I mention rest? I've been carrying some stress and pressures more than usual this past month and my wife is giving me space to take some personal time. My wife is pretty great.

God - you're my God! I can't get enough of you! I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking your strength and glory. In your generous love I am really living at last! My lips brim praise like fountains. I bless you every time I take a breath; My arms wave like banners of praise to you.

excerpt from Psalm 63 - The Message

may you find peace where you are,

Calling Yahweh

Yahweh

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes and make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt and make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul and make it sing, sing

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Take these hands
Teach them how to carry
Take these hands, don't make a fist, no
Take this mouth
So quick to criticise
Take this mouth, give it a kiss

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Still waiting for the dawn
The sun is coming up
The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Why the dark before the dawn

Take this city
A city should be shining on the hill
Take this city if it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

We reflected on this song by U2 last night in house church, about God redeeming our broken parts. I'm still in the redempting flow of this song, its washing over me again and again. Apparently I'm still a sinner in need of a Savior.

peace,

The Evil of Dehumanization

Next Wednesday evening, in my last class of World Civilization for this cohort group at Indiana Wesleyan University, I will be lecturing on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. So in preparation, I took myself to see "Munich" today. This is not my first exposure to the conflict. I spent a couple weeks in 1998 studying the issues firsthand in Israel and Palestinian territories. Since then, it has become a personal issue to me. In my final paper for that class, instead of taking sides in the conflict, i came to one conclusion . . . that dehumanization is evil. Israel has dehumanized Palestinians and vice versa. What it creates is a cycle of violence that will never, never end. No matter how noble or righteous your cause, violence is an unending, vicious circle. This is the same reason why I have never been in support of the U.S. war in Iraq. But that's for another day.

I thought Spielberg did a fine job in this movie of storytelling and creating the many shades of gray involved in the conflict. It is commendable for a Jewish Pro-Israeli as he is to give a decently balanced Palestinian view as well. This gave the movie so much more credibility for me. However, his gray questions have caused much controversy amongst the groups spouting more war over their black/white values. Extremists will never get peace and they exist on both sides of this argument. All the hope rests in the moderates who still value discussion, diplomacy and compromise. I loathe the amount of U.S. $$ that is sent to Israel with blind support. I also loathe the evangelical church and its bias towards a secular Israel that doesn't share the values of the Sermon on the Mount. At the same time, I reject Hamas or any other Palestinian group that uses terror and murder to make its point.

On this Martin Luther King Jr. Day, consider passive resistance based on the Sermon on the Mount as your model. Look at what Dr. King accomplished. Look at what Ghandi accomplished. Jesus was a Jew who was persecuted and he layed down his sword to break the cycle of violence. He forgave His abusers, he blessed His enemies. There is no other way to peace, it requires a bigger idea than vengeance. I hate all forms of dehumanization. I am not pro-Israeli nor pro-Palestinian. I am pro-peace. I know for some, that makes me a poor theologian, but the Sermon on the Mount is the central teaching of Jesus to me. I will live and die by those truths. Grace is the way, compassion is the way, understanding is the way, forgiveness is the way. These are not weak concepts, they are the way of a powerful, risen Christ. If you seek for only justice, often you will find no peace. Love is the only freedom.

Justice done

It is no secret that I'm not a fan of the Steelers and that I am rooting against them, which makes me a Broncos fan now. However, let me take a moment to be fair. They not only beat the Colts, they beat the officiating crew as well. One could make an argument that there was a conspiracy on behalf of the NFL front office to have the Colts and Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl. Let me give the 3 biggies:

1) The obvious pass interference against Randle El. The DB never made a play for the ball and tackled him while the ball was on its way. It would have clinched the game all the more, but a phantom no-call.

2) 4th and 1, the Colts jump the neutral zone claiming the Steelers flinched for a false start. The replay showed that Faneca did move a bit, but wasn't called against the Steelers. The defensive line doesn't make the call, the refs do. Because no false start was called, the Colts jumped and touched the opponent over the neutral zone. That is an AUTOMATIC off-sides call. It happens in every game. Instead, the refs decided to not call anything . . . that is not an option. I'm a football freak and I have never seen that kind of no-call in my lifetime. That is inexcuseable.

3) Polamalu had a clear interception. He maintained control of the ball, had 4 points down before he got up. (elbows and knees = more than 2 feet). As he got up, he fumbled off is knee which was after his 2 feet were down under him. There certainly wasn't indisputeable evidence to overturn the call on the field. That was a HORRIBLE call.

If the Steelers lost that game, the Steelers would have had every right to protest that to the front office. And if you're a good conspiracy theorist, it was the front office giving directives to have the popular Colts in the Super Bowl to market. Instead, in the words of Manning, "the idiot kicker" shanked hard right. What a wild game.

There might not be a sexy team left in the playoffs, but this is what the NFL is all about, parity. And I love it. I want to see a Broncos vs. Carolina Super Bowl, can appreciate both of those defenses.

Ok, that's off my chest . . . phew.

Psalm 39 thoughts

Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it (v.4-6) . . . Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping. For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were. Look away from me, that I may rejoice again before I depart and am no more (v.12-13).

This life is just a passing through, don't get too comfy. This is not all that is reality. His Kingdom is coming upon this one and it is one that is in fullness. I have realized that I have had permanent expectations for this life when my goals should be quite temporary. There is much value in this life, much beauty to be soaked up and experienced. But instead of building brick homes, we probably should be pitching tents in reference to our expectations. This is not the totality of Kingdom Come, but it is a taste of it. We are aliens and strangers, but we are here. So with the "here" that I have today, I want to taste beauty and I want to be an advocate for the light of life. Don't get comfy in this life, but do make it count.

Stop and notice the Kingdom amongst you today,


p.s. I'm wearing a Colts shirt today. (last week's wound is still wide open)

Stages of Grief

This is not a football topic, its time to move on to some real-life issues. I, as well as my family and community, are going through the stages of grief with the loss of Kate. They are strange and unpredictable. Sadness, wonder, questions, anger, acceptance etc. etc. We are going through these stages sometimes separately, sometimes all at once. I'm not a big fan of "stages" of anything in regards to human beings. Life and people rarely operate according to scientific accuracy and contexts change the rules to anything. But there are some generalities that can be noted. Here are some examples:

Probably the most well-known of these might be from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' book, "On Death and Dying." In it, she identified five stages that a dying patient experiences when informed of their terminal prognosis.
The stages Kubler-Ross identified are:

Denial (this isn't happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

A lesser known definition of the stages of grief is described by Dr. Roberta Temes in the book, "Living With An Empty Chair - a guide through grief." Temes describes three particular types of behavior exhibited by those suffering from grief and loss. They are:

Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)

Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)

Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)

I'm not a therapist and I have done very little study in the area of grief counseling outside of the basics. I know that the Scriptures include examples of every stage of grief, including rage and anger (not normally associated with good Christians). I know that our world is broken and that grief is a paralyzing part of it.

While at the gravesite for Kate, I was overwhelmed with a hatred of death. I hate death, I oppose its forces. Darkness at times covers this earth and I'm in rebellion against it. The Kingdom reality is one of light and life. The Kingdom has come and the Kingdom is coming in its fullness. As a follower of Christ, I have a role of calling back the darkness in my community and proclaiming life. Death and darkness is our enemy, we fight the stench with relationships of hope and words of life. Resurrection is our identity, we are the people of God.

I grieve, but I hope. I mourn, but I fight for life today. I recognize darkness, but I call it back in the name of and for the sake of Christ and one another.

peace to you and your house today,

My Game Report

I know there are a gadzillion other reports out there on the game last night, but here's mine.

#1 - Congrats to the Steelers and their fans. You played Steeler football and won the game. Physical, kept to the run, capitalized big plays, composure, never gave up when down. You are moving on, we are not . . . this year ;)

#2 - Carson's injury. It is not an excuse to lose a game, its a part of football that can happen on any play of any game. For us, it was extremely untimely and devastating to a young team. Nothing appears to be a cheap shot from my vantage point. However, the loss feels that much more hollow without our best shot. Carson had the ability to go over the top of the defense, one of the few weaknesses to the Steelers defense. Kitna is what he is, a 2nd string quarterback who is a great guy and leader. I would have much rather gotten beat straight up, but that's football.

#3 - Officiating. It seemed that the refs lost control of the game early. My biggest beef would be the pass to end zone for Housh with the non-call of interfernce with the DB with his back to the ball shoving Housh out of the play. That seemed obvious in person, more obvious on the replay and with a playoff crew, unexcusable to be missed. Without Carson, we had no wiggle room, we needed that call. That was the beginning of the end. A couple penalties later, a bad snap and the game was over. The Bengals offense was completely absent in the 2nd half, even embarrasing.

#4 - Bengals Defense. We have never had a playoff defense. We have gotten by with turnovers all season and an offense that either controls the clock or outscores their opponent. We need atleast an average defense to go with our offense to go deep into any playoffs. This still needs to be built through free agency and the draft. Our young players did well last night though, in particular Geathers, Pollack and Thurman. Madieu Williams, come back soon, we need ya bad. We need 2 DL's and a SS this offseason at the very minimum.

#5 - Fans. Its embarrasing to the human race what people do and say while completely destroyed on alcohol. Bengals and Steelers fans alike acting like animals. No concept of the game or signs of intelligence. After the game the sirens were everywhere dealing with fights and public absurdity. And then there's the public puking. We witnessed a Steeler fan convulsing on the busiest corner of Covington, doubled over, paralyzed with dry heaves, body completely out of control as his stomach tried to repulse all the poison in his system. I guess that's supposed to be fun. I talked to, shook the hands of and congratulated Steeler fans after the game. They as well wished they had won against a full-squad Bengals team, kind of a hollow win too. But, as they should, they are taking it. There are always good people on both sides of any argument.

#6 - The Tailgate. By far the highlight of the day. Beautiful day. 12 guys at the truck. Parked next to a van full of Steeler fans. We made peace offerings both ways. They gave us shrimp, we gave them picks of our litter as well. Good natured picking of one another. We had the Texas Hold Em table set up with a great game and people were stopping just to observe in the crowd. Our feast was White Castles and Skyline Coneys. Its gonna take some time to recover from that.

And we had a special guest, Chad Johnson visited our lot just checking out the facilities. He was in sweats and slippers. We wished him well. I had a football in my hand, I regret not asking him to go long in his slippers. I know I still have the arm to throw the deep one . . . put me in coach!!! The tailgate was a blast of a party with some of my favorite people. Oh yeah, and I made a playlist on my iPod of about 80 appropriate football tunes, I'm always ready to DJ.

So we enter the offseason with a lot of work left to do, but I can hold my head high as a Bengals fan. It was a blast of a year, winning is always fun. Thank you to Coach Lewis for bringing pride back to Cincinnati. I know that we have many more winning years ahead with him as our leader. (And maybe fax your winning philosophy over to the Reds so we can have fun year round) To Carson Palmer and his healing, Godspeed my brother.

To Geo, you won the wager my friend. I will peruse the Reds schedule for the right game and you will get a taste of the Nati for a weekend. We will sit in the front row like Rock Stars, we will visit an Irish establishment or 2, and I will introduce you to some of the coolest Kingdom folk that the U.S. has to offer. None of us lose in that deal.

One last thing . . . Go Colts :) (that was for Mr. Bean)

peace,

Bottom Line

WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!!

Breaking down "The Game"

Ok, yesterday's post was all in good fun. Just doing my bit to plug the hype. Now, let's talk football. Here are some factors to this game that's in the numbers:

* Defending the turf: The Bengals haven't beaten Pittsburgh at home since Dec 30, 2001. The Steelers have won their last four in Cincinnati and 6 of 7. For the Bengals to win this game, they have to match their physical play and intensity. HAVE TO.

* Getting ahead: The Steelers are 98-21- (.820) when scoring first under Cowher....including 8-1 this year. The key for the Bengals is scoring early and often. Make them play from behind and pass more.

* Hold that lead: The Steelers are 100-1-1 when leading by 11 points or more under Cowher, the best mark in NFL history among 70 coaches with a lead that size more than 40 times in their career.

* Road trippin: The Steelers were 6-2 on the road this year. Since they won their last Super Bowl during the 1979 season, the Steelers have won only two of eight road playoff games. They won at Denver in 1984 and Houston in 1989. Its been awhile since Pitt. won an away playoff game, let's make it longer.

* Where did the TO's go?: The Bengals forced 29 turnovers in their first 9 games....and average of 3.2 per game, they have forced just 15 in their last 7 games....and average of 2.1. Our defense isn't good enough to not have turnovers, they are key and the reason we beat Pitt. last time.

* Experience counts?: Only 3 Steeler offensive starters have not started a playoff game.

* Cover that TE!: The Bengals have been carved up by opposing TE's. Steeler TE Heath Miller has not caught a TD since week 8.

* Championship D?: Only two of the last 10 teams to make the Super Bowl have been ranked outside the top 10 in total defense....the Bengals rank 28th. We need to put 9 in the box to stop the run and let our corners try and make plays.

So, of course my mind tells me that this is going to be a real challenging game to win. It would be another step in our development for sure. We haven't played particularly well at home this year but a home playoff game can throw all the stats out the window. My heart tells me that the Bengals will focus on defense and make enough plays to win. They won't dominate but will do enough to win. The offense can play its own defense by scoring and keeping the Steelers run game off the field. Early on, somebody will set the tone, it better be a Bengal. We can't get lose the physical battle, must step up.

So, my prediction . . . Bengals 28 Steelers 20
Offensive MVP - Carson Palmer (manages the game to a win)
Defensive MVP - Shaun Smith/Fanene (young DT's step up w/ big plays to stop the run)
X Factor - Chris Perry makes a difference with a long touchdown on a swing pass

And if Sunday wasn't already gonna be a beautiful day in the Nati, Chipotle has announced that it is giving away free burritos to anyone who comes in wearing Bengals gear. I think we just found our tailgating food.
Who Dey and may it be the best game of the weekend.

peace out,

Code Orange: Warning to the City of Cincinnati

Be on alert for Steeler fan. He is not pretty. He is not a fashion statement. His elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor. His head is full of fumes from the steel factory where the rest of us carry our brains. He carries a yellow towel for wiping various body parts. Be on alert, any contact can and will result in you making excuses for not getting your job done. This is not a test, this is real. If you see another horrible mullet, you can assume its Steeler fan. The Nati needs to be on alert.


The Bengals are lying in the grass, awaiting their prey. Down kitty, wait for Sunday. You'll get your chance to feast on steel flesh, just be patient.
Fear da tiger.

Community as peace and comfort

I'm not sure I can say this with the right words, but we are experiencing a richness in Kingdom community through this tragedy that absolutely fills my soul. We were joined by another OCC house church last night (the equivalent of a mega house church) and had a time of corporate worship and discussion of the Scriptures. For those who couldn't sing, the community worshipped. For those who lack the words to pray, the Holy Spirit groaned for us. Prophetic words were spoken. A theme of battling the darkness in this world has been a constant. We war, we compete in moments on earth for the sake of the Kingdom and one another.

In the world of a church planter, there are many rough moments and many dark nights of the soul wondering about your self worth and if your out of your mind for suggesting that we could do church differently. In the midst of this tragedy, what I'm experiencing is that this is everything my heart has desired for a Kingdom community committed to God's truths and to the "one anothers" of Scripture. I'm living a dream, and its a dream of a real Church on earth. Thanks be to God.

On another positive note, I just got the word that I have been given a playoff ticket for Sunday's Bengals vs. Steelers game. I would be dishonest if I said I wasn't nervous about the Bengals performance. I think we have a 50/50 chance at a victory. That's enough for me to go absolutely out of my mind as a spectator. My last playoff game as a spectator was in 1988, I'm due.

Stop and notice the Kingdom amongst you today,

Infants & Heaven

Had a rather sleepless night. I think I must have been so involved in care-giving the past couple of weeks that my emotions are just now catching up. Its back to school today, but my mind and heart are in a different place. I had anxiety all night over many strains of thought and I just wanted to say some things regarding that today. Here are my thoughts.

- I believe that infants are born with original sin because they have human parents. Unless there is a virgin birth (as with Christ), we are all born in the sin of Adam and Eve.

- I believe that infants understand and receive the Kingdom more naturally than adults who grow up into their sins of pride and control

- I believe that God's heart is welcoming to infants

- I believe that infants receive the love of Christ through their family and spiritual community

- I believe that Christ's death on the cross was for everybody. Those who believe in Christ find the entrance to the Kingdom of God.

- Infants, who lack the ability to choose Christ, are welcomed into the Kingdom not because of their innocence, but based on the Grace, Mercy and Love of God

- I believe that Heaven is the most misunderstood concept in Christianity. We see it in the western Church as a physical place in the sky we go to and is filled w/ mansions and earthly structures. Rather, I believe its a spiritual realm not far from our earthly realm here. It has physical properties, but are governed by a set of laws that shatter the paradigms of our earthly world.

- I believe that Heaven is not a place we go to, but the state of being in full communion w/ Christ. In this life, we experience Heaven in part. Then, we shall experience it in full.

- I believe that Baby Kate, also known by my girls as Ka-Kate, is in the fullness of heaven now tasting of eternal life not far from us. I also believe that while on earth, she already experienced the Kingdom of Heaven in part, through her family and her spiritual community known as Ordinary Community Church.

- I believe the American Dream is a lie and not a part of Kingdom theology. It is not about God Bless America, that we get what we work for, that we can control and secure our futures, that we are entitled to a certain way of life etc. etc. Its all a lie. And the sooner we wake up from being more American than we are Christ following, the sooner we grow up in the reality of the Kingdom.

- I believe we need a theology of falleness and suffering. Our worldviews have to be bigger than "do your best and God will do the rest".

- I believe we need to see the big picture that our world is being made new. That God is active bringing the realm of the new heaven and new earth onto this one. And most importantly, that He invites us to partner with Him in that Creation. So as we become and act like the people of God, we most literally are doing His will "on earth as it is in heaven".

These are just some of my thoughts today.

peace,

So This is the New Year

The New Year, by Death Cab for Cutie:

"so this is the new year.
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

so this is the new year
and I have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back.

there'd be no distance that could hold us back (x2)

so this is the new year (x4)"

This is a great song and how I feel on a lot of days, including this New Years Day.

peace,