In prayer for my friend and fellow teacher, Doc and his family as his parents were in a car accident last night in which the car was blindsided and they didn't expect his Dad to make it through the night. Pray for the Savage family as you can.

Tonight begins the 8 days of Hanukkah and the recognition of the miracles of God amongst us and his provision for what we need. God overcame the Syrians and delivered the Temple back to His people for them to remember and live out His presence amongst them. The candle flame to symbolize the purifying fire of our hearts towards Yahweh. They had only enough oil for one night, but the flame burned miraculously for 8 days. As followers of Christ, this is our spiritual heritage as well.

Thank you Abba for your provision and your flame of purification.

stop and notice the Kingdom amongst you today,

First things first, Who Dey!!!! The Bengals beat the despicable Ravens today 27-26 on a last second field-goal. That brings them to 6-6 and earns respect around the league some more. The re-building program is right on schedule, gettting better all the time and no longer the laughing stock of the league. I'm proud of my Bengals tonight, and my Eagles who are 11-1. Yee haw.

I am guilty of watching most every episode of "Extreme Home Make-Over" on Sunday evenings with my family. Its so Kingdom to change lives and do good. Its based on compassion, generosity, new beginnings, hope, family and friendship. Yes, I may have even shed a tear over a few episodes, but if you ask me face to face I'll deny it, just so you know :)

Nicki is forcing me to watch Mitch Albom's "The 5 people you'll meet in heaven" because she read the book and wants me to experience it. All theology aside, its pretty gripping. We all think we know what will happen the moment we die and cross over to the other world. We think we know what heaven will look like and what hell could be like. I suggest that we don't have a freaking clue. The Bible says so little about the specifics. It is loaded with imagery and figurative language, but no encyclopedia explanations. Its mystery and that's part of the beauty. What we do know is that heaven is eternity w/ God and that hell is eternal separation from Him. We also know that our crossover destinations have a direct correlation to our being "in Christ" or not. But specifcially what they are like, I don't believe we can know. I believe all our images are pure speculation. I believe heaven is the fullness of the Kingdom of God. That what we experience here on earth is a partial taste of heaven. Someday we will crossover and taste the fullness. I also don't beleive that heaven is a far off place in the sky that is made of mansions and streets of gold. I take that as figurative language of the glory of the Kingdom of God. I believe that He is building a new heaven and a new earth right here, near us in another spiritual dimension that we don't see without pure spiritual eyes. I believe that those who have crossed over before us are not far away in a distant place but are near to us. They are the great cloud of witnesses as Hebrews states, surrounding us, cheering us on, maybe even praying for us. I think its traditional thinking and not Scriptual to believe that heaven and the throne of Christ are somewhere far away, I believe the fullness of the spiritual realm is very near to us and can be accessed through the spiritual disciplines to taste in the here and now. I do not fear death and I look forward to crossing over into the Kingdom fullness someday. But for now, I am content to take the fight to the enemy daily as a partner in ushering in the new heaven and new earth. If I can do whatever I can to bring others into the experience of eternal Kingdom and to come on this journey of being "in Christ", then that's what I'm here to do by any means neccessary that reflect His character. I am here now to do whatever it takes, proclaim His Kingdom come and invite others to come and to follow the One who changes life in the now and the not yet.

peace to you tonight,

Just got back from Philly for my grandmother's funeral. Had some miserable flights and connections, plust they lost my luggage and I didn't receive it til 15 min. before the funeral at the funeral home. I'm not a big fan of Northwest Airlines right now.

It was a pretty good service time there, the Marshall side of my family are pretty good story tellers. Lots of laughter and lots of good stories. It was real casual, real warm and deeply spiritual. good stuff. My grandmother was one of those people who was very open about her excitement to see Jesus face to face so it was easy to grieve her with many words of hope. I caught up with cousins that I was close to as a kid but haven't connected with in 12 years or more. So the reflecting was fun too.

This was also one of about 5 events I can think of in my life where my Mom and my Dad have been in the same room. Since they divorced before I was born, this is a rare occasion. Seeing them together is kind of eery though. Like, "what would my life have been like if these 2 learned how to make their marriage work?" I also was given the honor of closing the eulogy time with some words and prayer. I was able to share my heart through the Spirit and it was easy to honor somebody like my grandmother, an amazing woman.

I need some rest and family time tonight. peace-out.

Ok, in honor of the new U2 album coming out today "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb", let me post a few quotes from the lads. By the way, I will unequivocally say and teach my kids that U2 is the best rock band in the world and always has been. Secondly, I am not one to be starstruck, but I'm fascinated by Bono. His ideas, his passions, his art, his worldview, his Christ following, his leadership, his criticisms, his persona, his creativity and his sound bites.

Here are some quotes from last friday's USA today article in an interview.

In response to the sales of their new album . . . "But we don't see that as the only way to be successful. What we want to preserve above everything else is the creative life of the band. Our approach to being commercial is be really good and original adn don't worry about it."

On greatness . . . "Very good", Bono says, "is the enemy of great. You think great is right next door. It's not. It's in another county." (geez, i love that idea)

On the death of his father and songwriting . . . "Nothing like bereavement to keep the heart porous, " Bono says, "It's hardness of the heart that can close down a writer."

On new album . . . "This album was no time for philosophizing. This is about who do you love, how do you love, why do you love."

On beauty . . . "We are brutal in a very clinical way. That eye is almost cruel in its search for beauty. No one notices the blows or sees the bruises. All we're concerned about is where is the beauty."

The 4 lads from the Green Island are at it again. Who's up for a couple road trips to see them live?????????

peace,

I'm stranded here at school and our new computer has been delivered at home. The new member to our family is an iMac G5 w/ wireless keyboard and mouse. I want to go home right now and set it up and begin playing like a kid in a candy shop.

My grandmother back in philly is failing in her health again the the doctors have given her just a couple more days to live so our holiday plans may be changing. This got me thinking this morning about what it must be like to be ready to see Christ face to face and to long for it. There are great relationships here on earth, but I can hardly imagine what seeing Jesus will be like. I experience His presence now but only in the spiritual. Will I one day see him in the physical? I mean the real Christ? The One who has brought truth to my existence. Amazing thing we call life. I pray my Grandmom Marshall walks seamlessly into the arms of the one she has worshipped her entire life. There are parts of me that envy her for that experience, but I'm content rocking this life for a few more decades.

peace,

Been doing some reflecting w/ senior Bible classes today on what we have to be thankful for. We spend so much time griping, complaining, moaning about what we don't have, what we think we need, what we're disappointed with, what doesn't fit our agenda, what doesn't work for us, what we don't prefer etc. etc.

What must this sound like to the God who made us? Who created wonders for us to see and beautiful things in life for us to taste? To honor Him, to thank Him, to praise Him ought not to be overlooked.

So here is my thankful list as is in my mind this morning:
- my wife, I couldn't be more in love. She's an amazing person and Mom. And, she's Hot!
- my kids, they have changed me. I love spending time with them. They amaze me with their learning and their growing up. I can't wait to see how they will bring more of the Kingdom to earth.
- my friends. I have for my lifetime longed for the friends that I presently have. I have hoards of people who love me and would do anything for me. Guys I can share my deepest thoughts with and my closet of skeletons. We share a faith that will never end.
- my health. I have done well so far, but if I'm not more intentional, I might not be able to say this 10 years from now.
- my calling. I feel called to teach and announce the good news of the Kingdom. I'm not doing it as much as I want to but in a way I get to use it as my vocation as well, so that's cool.
- my home. A place to make memories with my family and provide hospitality for more Kingdom work.
- my frivolous comforts. I won't list them or you'll think less of me.
- my ongoing salvation in Christ and the experience of Kingdom come.

Stop and be thankful for the Kingdom today,

i just had to say that my wireless virginity has been broken. I asked for a wireless network in my house for my birthday this year and it came early. I'm stoked, watching "Elf" with the kids as I send off some emails. We're also expecting our new computer in the mail in a few days, the G5 iMac. Life is good. Thanks to Jon and Ben for their Mac buying advice.

peace,

"All of my days . . . You've shown yourself in mysterious ways,
Not always clear to me in the heat of the race,
But I am sure I've seen your image."
-portion of "At Your Table" by Beth Wacome Keck

"Show me how you work, God; School me in your ways.
Take me by the hand; Lead me down the path of truth.
You are my Savior, aren't you?"
-Psalm 25 (The Message)

I love questions. They intrigue me. They involve mystery and the unknown and that captures my imagination and creativity. I love that my relationship with Christ because its open and not controlled. I mean, there is still so much about Him that I have no clue of or have even discovered. Deeper wells of grace and truth that I have yet to tap in my lifetime. I'm not really a person who wished that God was more like Science, known entities and full proof measurements, that stuff doesn't capture me. I like the unknown, I like mystery. Well, I guess I say that when things are going well. When my enemies are closing in, I like to know that He's a Rock of stability and salvation. I don't want to ever lose the awe and wonder of my salvation.

Take me by the hand today, Lord, I'll follow.

peace,

Pretty good weekend. Thanks to Alan and VBCC for hosting our regional gathering on friday evening and Saturday. Really good folk as always gathering to share lives and encourage each other for simple, Kingdom work. Our time of prophetic prayer for one another was particularly a highlight for me. We all should do that more.

OCC is in planning stages for 3 pretty cool events coming up. (events = parties) Next Sunday we have our annual Thanksgiving celebration together w/ a nice turkey dinner and a time of worship and giving thanks. On December 10, we are having our annual Christmas party with white elephant gifting, karaoke, good eats and more. Jan. 14-16 is a new thing for us, we're going to have a winter family retreat in north east Ohio staying in a lodge together, going skiing/tubing and have a few worship sessions revolving around a theme. This brings me back to my student ministry days, really looking forward to a getaway and what the Spirit can do in that time. So the holidays are upon us and the calendar is getting full.

Nicki was painting most of the day yesterday, so I had a chance to do some bonding w/ my 3 kids. We played disney trivia, watched The Grinch, then I cleaned the house and did the dishes, then made dinner, then gave them a bath and got them ready for bed, then watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition and then our evening compline prayers before bed. It was good to have concentrated time with them. Nicki is painting again tonight, so I"m back at it.

peace,

First off, let me say this. Go here (http://bethwacomekeck.com/) and buy Beth's CD if your looking for something honest, authentic and stripped down. Its a really beautiful piece of raw worship. Beth's heart and voice has been in my truck this week and the Spirit has been imminently present. I may be buying a few myself for Christmas presents this year. Thanks for your giftings and artistic pasion, Beth.

Secondly, I am attending a Christian teacher convention today and tommorrow in Dayton that our school sends us to every other year. I attended 3 seminars on postmodernism today and they don't have a clue. They are spending all their time setting up a culture war and not getting to the heart of the matter which is that we are losing the hearts of our students. The answer is not to bash Michael Moore and the rest of hollywood. The answer is not to play pop-philosophy with elementary logic about truth. The answer is not to preach to the choir about how right you are. The answer is the Incarnation. The answer is to enter in, not to declare that your right, but to love. Truth does not need to be defended, it shows itself to be true. Students need people who care enough to give them a reason to encounter Truth. When oh when are we going to learn? Its not a battle over ideas, its a spiritual battle for hearts. We don't need anymore "us vs. them" dichotomies, we need to embrace all those outside of the Kingdom of God as his missing children. We are as pompous and prideful as the Pharisees, we lack the simple graces of humility and love. I am beginning to really embrace being an influencer as a teacher, but I share little in common with this propaganda of a culture war. I am not interested in cultural issues, I'm interested in the heart, for that is where our external behaviors come from. We don't love because we memorize long Bible passages about love. We love because the Spirit of the Scriptures is within us and compels us to be like Christ as revealed in the Bible. Postmodernism is not a threat. Relgious minded arrogance is the threat I'm concerned with.

peace,

I've been reflecting on the Kingdom that has already come. For so long, I believed that my Christianity was about some day going to a place called heaven or waiting for Jesus to come back and take me there. But as I read the N.T., I don't see the evidence of that. Rather, I see a Kingdom that has already come. A Kingdom that came in power, however oddly wrapped as a child laying in a manger. Jesus lived the Kingdom life, sinless, loving, forgiving, gracious, righteous, indignant towards evil etc. He said things like "if you've seen me, you've seen the kingdom" and "I am the bread of life, whoever eats of me will never go hungry again." You see, I eat other things that don't really satisfy. They seem like they will help me, but they end up being a counterfeit to the real thing. I have tasted and enjoyed the reality of Kingdom come, but I haven't had enough. I want more, a lot more. There is still sickness and pain all around me and the eternal kingdom will be wiped clean of those. I see the hearts of many grown cold, not caring anymore and living only in their own cynicism and lack of trust. I see brokenness, decay, heartache, failures and counterfeits. I want to be a conduit of Kingdom come. I want to touch and to heal, I want to speak and see transformation, I want to love and see hate dispel, I want to prophesy and see hope well up, I want to forgive and see freedom, I want to proclaim and see conversions, I want more than I see now. i want to be a conduit for Kingdom come because I'm tired of seeing people around me in pain and in bondage the ways of this world.

Wednesday is an off day for me at school. I have chosen to spend a portion of it in solitude and contemplative prayer seeking the Jesus who is Kingdom come.

peace,

The Palmers had an amazing wedding this past Saturday night in Columbus. Really beautiful decor, Jewish wedding w/ chanted Hebrew blessings and concluded w/ Palmer stepping on the wine glass. The fun raged on as the Beans, Creech's, Rains' and Marshall's rocked into the early morning. Good fun, good friends.

Should have tommorrow off then a 2 day Christian teacher convention in Dayton on Thursday and Friday (woo hoo).

Today is my eldest dauthter's 8th birthday. Ali is a unique child. Extremely innocent and extremely dramatic. I can't hardly picture her future but I know it will be filled with highs and lows. She is so much like me, I really enjoy her. I envision her and I taking some walks and trips together just dreaming about life and the future. Happy Birthday Ali!

Stop and Notice the Kingdom around you today.

Do you ever hear a voice calling you? I'm not talking about audibly, I'm talking about the times when you listen with your soul? This morning I hear a voice calling me. I wonder if its the same voice that calls to the deep and the same voice that thunders in the sky. Its the voice of a Creator who governs the universe and keeps his eye on the sparrow. Its a voice that gives incredible clarity to this thing we call life. Its a voice that helps me see whether I've been flying right side up or not. I think I've been looking for perspective lately. But how can I get His perspective unless I unplug myself from this world's systems? How can I hear until I'm quiet in solitude not allowing other voices to distract? How can I strip myself away so that He's the only voice that is left? I long to follow that voice. I long to obey whatever it says. I long to be shaped and molded by the coals from his flame. How can you ever know who you really are unless you unplug from this system and hear his voice? I want to act in the power of the resurrection, but only he has those resources. I want to walk in His stream if only to know that I belong to Him. His ways are not our ways and His Kingdom is not the one easily seen. For those who have ears to hear, let them hear.

I want to hear today that distant voice.

Man, it was so good to have fight club again tonight. Its been a long, long while since we got together with lots of transitioning, injuries, scheduling conflicts etc. But back we were again. Rains, Canipe, Johnson, myself and a guest appearance from Joe Long. (Hey Joe, love the CD mix, and part. the intro.) Our topics ranged from 40 foot fires, potato guns, life insurance, things not to say to your wife, jelly donuts in our spinal columns, head injuries, emergent news, eschatology views, Israel as metaphor, home buying, group leading, world systems, music tastes and a ton of laughter. I love not being alone in what I do. Sometimes I feel that I don't do enough, that I should be accomplishing more, I should be more missional, more productive, more intentional etc. etc. These guys help me relax and just be myself. Think Kingdom, act Kingdom, love Kingdom and be Kingdom. Good friends are to be treasured, I appreciate these guys. They spur me on towards love and good deeds. I am never alone. Fight Club is back.

WHO DEY!! Just getting back into it after taking Tuesday off following Monday Night Football here in the Nati. Had a great time with Joe, Paul and Gabe, the infamous Bengal Bus and 65,000 of my closest friends in Bengal stripes. The Bengals played the way we believe they can play and if we can keep it together over the next couple weeks, we're right back in the thick of things. This goes into my top 5 favorite Bengals experiences, very satisfying.

Been talking with many lately about the polarization of our country in regards to this election coming up. It just isn't even civil and amongst the Christian population, it seems if their choice isn't elected then the gates of hell are going to open up and swallow up America by November 5th and no later than November 7th. It will be an imminent destruction. As a follower of Christ, I just don't think this is the case. Rather, this too shall pass and history can prove it.

Romans 13:1-6, Paul lays out his views on government. He states that we should submit ourselves to governing authorities. And Peter, in I Peter 2:11-17 says that we should submit to authorities instituted among men. He also states that we are aliens and strangers in this world, so why are we putting so many eggs in the basket of this election? I do believe that we have dual citizenship. We are to be present as salt and light in our communities, and I apply that as voting, paying taxes, obeying the laws etc. But that we are also citizens of another Kingdom that is unshakeable. So I won't get too upset if the canidate I vote for doesn't win and I don't think the world will end.

By the way, Peter and Paul couldn't vote for their emperor and Nero was a madman. It amazes me that Peter and Paul wrote these words of respect and honor to a governor who would eventually behead Paul and crucify Peter according to Church tradition. It must be that they were anchored not in this world, but in a world that was unseen. The Kingdom perspective changes everything.

peace,

Had one of those parent experiences last night that will haunt me for awhile. Our son, Zach, is 2 and he fell down a couple stairs and split his chin open with a gash. I was about to leave for our school football game when Nicki called me from her mom's with the news. So I met her at the Urgent Care facility and it was obvious that it was going to need stitches. Zach was already having one of those melodramatic days and he wasn't co-operating. He wouldn't sit still or sit at all. So they put him on a board that had 4 sets of straps on it and strapped him down so he couldn't move. One over his head, one over his arms at the shoulder, one over his hands at the waist and one around his hips. This obviously made Zach very frustrated and he screamed and cried the entire time to get himself free but couldn't get out. I would be okay if I lived the rest of my life and never saw Zach in that position again. Now I wanted the doctor to do his job but it was really hard to see Zach in this state. His screams pierced my heart and I know Nicki was feeling the same. When your 2 year old son is screaming in agony, your instinct is to pick him up and bring him near, not fight to hold him down. Zach kept looking at us with that look of "why aren't you doing anything about this?" He felt betrayed by us at that moment. I'm sure many of you out there have had similar or more intense experiences with your kids with injuries or illnesses and you can relate.

Without being too cliche, driving out of the parking lot after it was over flooded me with immediate thoughts of Abba watching his son be tortured, ridiculed and die mercilessly on a piece of wood. How did he sit there and watch it happen? When Jesus cried out for his father to help, he was left to feel forsaken. How hard must it have been to be a father and watch that happen to your son? But that suffering had a purpose. He forsook his son that afternoon so that he could bring us near. It tore his heart so much that we had left him that he was willing to have his son go through that so that we could come home in Him. And how much do I still go my own way without any regard to the suffering of Christ for me?

Abba, I awake this morning with gratitude in my heart for your Son and his sacrifice. I don't know how you stood and watched it but as a result, I have found my way back to you. Forgive me this day for the things I do out of selfishness and indulgences of the flesh. i want to honor you with my entire being out of gratitude of your unfailing love. Amen.

peace,

Do you ever just hear a song and it makes you feel what the writer felt when they wrote the song? Do you ever empathize with a story? I mean jump into it so your a character in it taking it all in? You become a part of the plot, a part of the action, a part of the scenery. I was moved in my truck just minutes ago with my daughter, Ali. Her and I wear our emotions on our sleeves and we listened to the song "I'll be missing you" by Puff Daddy Sean Combs (or whatever he's going by nowadays). This is not my typical genre, it just happened to be on the radio and we began discussing the song until we began to feel the song. I explained how the artist had lost his friend to a gunshot and he was remembering their good days together. Ali seems to always be up for a "sad" song so she listened quietly. I think both of us just allowed ourselves to be moved. Do you ever take the time to be moved? I mean, let something affect you on the inside. Don't fight it off as childish, just let your heart feel something. For me, I do this to feel alive. To know that I have the capability to feel and reflect. I love to reflect with good artists/song writers/storytellers (not that Puff Daddy fits that description). I desire a life that isn't only linear. Wake up, put the appropriate clothes on, go to job, come home, do the right things, stay in control, minimize risk etc. etc. etc. I want to live and know that I'm alive. I mean, after having taken care of responsibilities, I like to check out of the linear world and have overwhelming experiences. Wasn't it Descartes that said, "I think, therefore I am". My mantra may be, "I feel, therefore I am". I want to hold onto a passion for life, people and the reality of Kingdom come. I want to experience all that it means to be alive, the good and the bad. I don't want to check in and check out of life, I want to upgrade to the deluxe model of life. Drama has its place in the real world, its just not a reality to be in all the time. Passion is one of the core values of OCC and one of the things that I admire most about Jesus. He took time to weep, even though he could fix things. He laughed, even though nothing surprised him. He got angry, he got annoyed, he got fed up and he got fired up on his favorite topics. He was alive and pursued his purposes accordingly. Passion is about living the life that you were purposed to live, and it might not be the one your waking up to in the morning. Don't just get by, live! Live fully, drink deeply from the wells of the Kingdom and take the time to pay attention to the artists around you. They might paint a picture that invites you to get in and be a part of. Now that's living.

peace,

Alot of people criticize blogs that are about the details of our lives as being only narcisistic. So I'll go ahead and post one and confirm their suspicions.

- Had a great time with one of my best friends I've had in this life. Kevin Grand and I have been friends since college and we have logged thousands of hours together in ministry, life, fun and tears. He's going through an unwanted divorce and it was good to give him a weekend of processing and pressure releasing laughter. My daughters are in love with him. They went into mourning the moment he left on Sunday morning. Kevin and I couldn't be more different and we couldn't be better friends.

- Had our OCC annual harvest party on Saturday in the freezing cold. We took a hayride in the pumpkin patch and picked out some pumpkins, as well as ate too many cider donuts. We came back to our house for a chili and cornbread dinner, caramel apple pie, pumpkin pie, hot chocolate etc. etc. We had a big fire outside that the men congregated around for conversation and then after dark we make our own drive-in theater. We projected a DVD on the side of my house with stereo sound and the kids snuggled in their sleeping bags for the halloween themed film. Very cool, we'll definitely do that again sometime. Community time never disappoints.

- I still feel sick from the Bengals game on Sunday. The great deliverance out of slavery in Egypt apparently never happened. We look and feel like the same ole Bengals. Another Sunday pathetic debaucle followed by poor excuses. Is it too much to ask for that we just be good? Not Super Bowl team, just decent, instead of the easiest team on everybody else's schedule. I was so excited to go the first Monday Night game in Cincinnati since 1990 next week with some of the boys. Now I'm just excited to hang with the boys, the Bengals are an afterthought. Yes, I still feel sick to my stomach.
But my Philly Eagles are 5-0, so there's hope for something.

- I have the final step in my hiring process on Friday afternoon for Indiana Wesleyan University. I will be teaching Bible Electives in night classes one night a week. In order for me to remain at CCS as a high school Bible teacher financially, I have to get another income somewhere that makes sense. Now I can teach Bible in my day job and my night job. Ideally, I would love to teach at the college lever full-time. Maybe this is a step in that direction. For now, it is very part-time. I thank Abba for the opportunity to make a living at one of the things I do well, regardless of how much I have to do it just to make that living. This will increase my workload, but also my opportunities to announce the Kingdom, so its a trade-off.

- I loved spending time with my kids this weekend, they are so much fun and fill my life with such meaning. This just in, my wife is an amazing person. She juggles 3 kids, a business, friendships, admin. of our community, hospitality needs and still has time and attention to date me. I only hope that I enhance and support her life as she does mine. My future is bright with her in my corner.

peace unto your house,

So I say good morning
to the God who raises my countenance and lifts my head,
to the God who speaks and light appears,
to the God who walks and mountains tremble,
to the God who walks out of tombs and opens graves that were seemingly shut,
to the God who touches eyes so they can see,
to the God who tells lame men that they can walk again,
to the God who sets captives free,
to the God who makes accusers drop their stones,
to the God who was, is and always will be,
to the God who created an unshakeable kingdom,
to the God who takes the orphan in an embrace,
to the God who formed me in the womb,
to the God who rescued me from myself,
to the God who makes new beginnings,
to the God who has never let me go,
to the God who passionately pursued me ever since the Garden,
to the God who lives within me this day,
To you, O God, I say Good Morning.

peace unto your day,

In the words of the infamous 70's music sensation, Geroge Clinton: "WE WANT THE FUNK, GOTTA HAVE THAT FUNK!"

I've been feeling funky, but not in the hip/groovy kind of way, in the "why is my head in a haze?" kind of way. I suppose its the reason for my lack of blogging, I just having been feeling very introspective. I really feel like I could benefit from a retreat day, a day to get alone and just think/pray/read/get my inner house in order. But that day doesn't seem to be on the horizon. The weekend is packed (w/good stuff) and I can't afford to take a day off work right now. I'm not feeling empty or dry, I'm quite content and learning new stuff all the time, just feeling funky. I go into stints where my mind and heart want to contemplate deeply about issues either within me or I see around me in the world, and if I can't take the time to process it, I just have troubles functioning in the real world.

I guess here are some questions on my mind:
1) The reality of Kingdom come is all around us, but why do we still worship idols?
2) Does God still work miracles? And if so, why do I not believe it all the time?
3) Do our busy schedules and busy lives make God sad?
4) When was the last time I made room in my heart to care about starving children who have already died today somewhere on this earth?
5) How many widows (single moms) and orphans have I passed by this week that were in need?
6) God is the Creator and Sustainer of all things. Who am I that he should care?
7) Am I more American than I am Christian?
8) Is abortion the only pro-life issue Christ followers should care about?
9) Will I ever improve on the things that I am not good at?
10) Why does my heart feel sad?

peace,

Rodney Dangerfield, dead at age 82

One of the all-time great movie comedians from the 80's has left us. He did a few Classic films, and a few that never should have been watched, ever.

Here are my top 3 Rodney films:

3) Easy Money
2) Back to School - best line is, "When I die, you can donate my body to science fiction."
1) Caddyshack - one of the best comedies of ALL TIME!! Rodney was at his best in that classic. His dance moves in the clubhouse, his rhetoric on the golf course and his way with the Judge's wife. Way too funny. Must watch again in memory of Rodney.

He also had a big stand-up act with his famous mantra, "I get no respect".
"When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."

Thanks for the laughs, Rodney. You have my respect. RIP.

peace,

"why throw rocks in the general direction of some nebulous, evil machine. The rocks might hit people you love and who love you."
I wanted to respond to Barry's comments out here because I think its a really good critique. First off, let me own the stuff I need to. Barry, if you took any of the things I said as a statement towards you or your ministry then let me apologize because that is not who you are. I have nothing but respect for the blood, sweat and tears that you have poured into the Vineyard over the years. You, in your own right, have made many courageous and risky decisions in the name of mission and reaching people. I have watched you set aside your own preferences for the opportunity to be more missional towards people. I admire your compassion, creativity, work ethic and gift in teaching. I apologize if the things I said offended you, it was not my intent.

I agree with Barry as I go back and read my comments that i was painting with a broad brush and not being specific. i was trying to speak towards one situation but in reality it probably hit an old wound in me. At the age of 26, I found myself totally burned out, and chewed up in the seeker style of church growth. There are others like me, and there are others who are completely energized and motivated. The 'evil" is not model or strategy, its system. When a system takes the place of a living body of Christ, then many unhealthy things occur. This applies the same to house churching/simple church/missional communities. When we're more loyal to pushing "systems" over people, we probably cease acting as the Body. This is what I wanted to communicate. Its too easy to speak in black and white opinions in this blogworld. So thanks to Barry for reminding me that readers have faces.

So I want to re-state some fundamental values that I hold. 1) I am pro-Kingdom. (i.e. phil. 1) If Christ is preached then we are to rejoice. I am for anyone who is seeking to announce that the Kingdom has come and the key to experiencing it is through Jesus Christ. 2) I am for doers. I am not for complainers, whiners, deconstructionists or those who are happy seeing their angst as an end. If our discontent does not lead us to create, then I wonder if we're talking about the same God. God is the God of creation, he creates, its who he is. Yes, he tears down in the story of Scripture, but only to build up again. I am passionate about networking with doers who are daily taking the battle to the enemy. I don't ever want to be a stumbling block to those who are doers. 3) I love the Church. I love her. Sometimes too much. I am very passionate about her influence on earth. I have given up every area of my life to serve the Church. I love the Church above ground and I love the Church underground. I am driven by the dream of the Church as salt and light on every corner of this earth. When I critique the church, I do it like a football coach who so badly wants to see the team achieve its goal and is not afraid to "not be liked" for a while as long as the players know they are loved. Kingdom is the big idea. Becoming the people of God and announcing his Kingdom on earth is what we're about. We may prefer some strategies over others according to our values and giftings and as long as we are motivated through the One Spirit and not in systems of the flesh, we are in the same battle.

peace to you and your house tonight,

Great dinner with K-rains last night just catching up with one another's lives over some Irish Fish 'n chips, always a great way to end the day. Nicki and I will be hanging out with Bill and Mollie Bean tonight here in Cincy, really looking forward to that time.

Paul McGillivary's blog yesterday struck me as sad and also very telling. Another Pastor who has crumbled under the pressure of performing for Church Inc. I don't want to rant here or anything, I just wanted to say: Is this why Moses parted the Red Sea and Christ endured the cross, so that our leaders could burn out under the tyranny of programs and performance driven church models?

Dallas Willard in the Prelude to Renovation of the Heart puts it this way:
"For our Christian groups and their leaders, it means that there is a simple, straightforward way in which congregations of Jesus' people can, without exception, fulfill his call to be an ecclesia, his 'called out' ones: a touch point between heaven and earth, where the healing of the Cross and the Resurrection can save the lost and grow the saved into the fullness of human beings in Christ. No special facilities, programs, talents, or techniques are required. It doesn't even require a budget. Just faitfulness to the process of spiritual formation in Christlikeness exposed in the Scriptures and in the lives of his 'peculiar people' through the ages."
-This is the kind of activity I want to put my energy into. I want to do this pastor gig for a long, long time.

peace of Christ unto your weekend,

Ok, the Bengals stunk today but I had an absolute blast!! Tailgating with Joe Long, Glenn Johnson and the 3 McGillivary brothers starting at 8:00 a.m. Cornhole, football throwing, charcoal grilling, listening to the ultimate Bengal tailgate CD mixed by D.J. j-long with a few thousand of our closest friends. Tailgating is just an amazing piece of American culture. It has all the makings of religious fanaticism. My highlight was walking over with Joe to the "Bengal Bus" which is owned by a friend of his. Met up with about 5 of my wife's cousins and a hoard of other crazy Bengal fans in which we packed into the Bus which is completely decked out in leather lazy boy chairs, bar stools, bengal stripe carpeting, surround sound, DVD player, bathroom and the works. I was able to be a part of their ritual of a 12:05 pep-talk from coach Wallace. That's William Wallace. They put in the Braveheart DVD for the famous "speech" and battle scene where they confront and defeat the English at Stirling. It was blaring, 25 guys sitting on top of each other, crammed in a small bus painted in Bengals stripes screaming like Celtic Warriors getting pumped up beyond measure, better than any pep rally I've ever been to. The testasterone was oozing. After screaming in the bus for 15 min. we poured out and got to the stadium for a Bengal loss :(
it was just so much fun being in the party, so much fun being with some of my favorite people, so much fun being around football in the fall. thanks to my wife for giving me the day off to do what I love to do, which is party with my friends. hope your weekend was well and now its back to work.

peace,

I'm a big fan of fridays, especially in the fall when football season is at full speed. Football has always been a diversion for me in my life, its something I'm genuinely interested in and hope to continue my coaching career in the future. (come on, Zach, keep growing!) Tonight I will check out our high school game, tommorrow is college football day with the Buckeyes playing at night and this Sunday is reserved for tailgating starting at 8:30 a.m. for a 1:00 Bengals game. 6 of us guys are going down to tailgate and meeting up with a host of other folk down there we know with shouts of "Who Dey?" heard at all times. Its community time :) My prediction: Bengals 17 Ravens 14.

I've been in a season of real encouragement of late. Just appreciating all that God has given me and all that he has provided for me. It wasn't but a few years back that I felt so unstable, unsure if I could provide for my family and do something I love. And now I can say that we are doing just fine, all of our needs are covered, and a few wants as well. I'm teaching what I love to teach and seeing the results of that investment almost daily. I belong to a community of faith that is seeking out with true authenticity what it means to be the people of God for the sake of the world. Having grown up without a Dad around, I am enjoying immensely the role of Dad to my kids. They are so much fun and I just relax when I'm around them. I have been blessed with the wife of my youth and each day I find new reasons to respect her and admire her, she's an amazingly caring/thoughtful person. I am living in the days of Kingdom come and today I stop to appreciate that the Gospel has been good news to me.

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." - Jesus
(Matthew 5, The Message)

peace of Christ unto your weekend,

WHO DEY!! Bengals 16 Dolphins 13

Went to the game last night with some of the boyz and it was an ugly win, but a win nonetheless and I'll take it. Got home at 1:30 a.m. and the alarm came early this morning. But with the taste of victory, its a little easier to get up. Next Sunday afternoon, going down with the boyz again for the Baltimore Ravens game and hopefully another home victory. I love football season.

peace,

I'm starting to get back on the mend and feel like myself again just in time for the weekend. BBQ for college bound (and already started) students tommorrow night, that should make for a good time. The rain is imminent though, it may turn into a guy movie night which is better than a sharp stick in the eye.

I've been wrestling with a "label" that has been used in reference to myself and others that I am in community with. For those of us doing "fill in the blank here" (simple church, house church, organic church, missional communities), a label that has been thrown around in description of us as leaders or as people is ANGRY. I've heard it a few times as a criticism of me and I've heard friends of mine share similar criticisms they have received. Often we have laughed about it (can you laugh when your angry?), but its been on my mind over the last couple weeks. Is it a label that I wish to wear?

I will admitt to my brokeness. I will admitt that I planted Ordinary Community in a crisis of faith during feelings of desperation. I will admitt that I feel pain deeply and have high expectations for the ideals of Kingdom. I will admitt that I'm a kid from philly who wears his passions on his sleeve. I will admitt that I will speak openly about the things I believe are right. But honestly, anger is not a daily reality for me. I have never felt so loved in my entire existence. I have never felt so at peace. I love being a Dad, husband, friend, teacher, spiritual director, evangelist (in my own way), community member, son, sports fan, pastor etc. etc. I never knew that I could experience the contentment that I have today and the risks taken to get here were the best decisions I ever made. I'm in for the long haul now, I'm not hanging by a string. I feel the privelege of picking fights with the enemy on a daily basis and feeling very confident that I am an agent of Kingdom change here on earth.

So how is it that I'm perceived as angry? Am I angry because I refuse to use my giftedness (pastoral leadership) as a vocation? Am I angry because I ask hard questions? Am I angry because I am better at creating than I am maintaining? Am I angry because I measure success differently? Am I angry because I believe that small is strategic? Am I angry because I want $$ to be a non-issue for ministry? Am I angry because I reject business/consumer models for church? Am I angry because I don't conform well? Am I angry because I'm not a traditionalist? Am I angry because I'm emotional? Am I angry because I view relationships as an end and not a means? Am I angry because I dwell in the middle of major paradigms that are shifting and its hard for us to understand each other?

What is more accurate is that I have probably been too critical of views outside of my own, that's not anger, its immaturity and I'm starting to see the light in that area. I am pro-Kingdom as long as we all understand that form influences function, which is true of all forms.

I've done the work of introspection and I'm honestly going to chalk this one up to the language barrier between differing worldviews. We don't know each other and its hard for us to communicate because we use different language and rest in different values. But the Kingdom is a big idea and I frankly lack the time to be angry. I'm having too much fun being creative in His Kingdom playground.

peace,

Forgive me if its because its 5:00 a.m. or the hangover effects of the weekend fever but I woke up with these thoughts.

I've been reading alot out there in blog world about the tension many are feeling about forms and function of church as we seek to move forward in various aspects of minstry that we feel called towards. And I believe these issues to be quite complex and yet the Gospel incredibly simple. Here's my best take:

1) If we're honest, our personality make-ups have a lot to do with the forms of church/ministry that we're involved in. We gravitate towards our passions and naturally choose the ones that fit our ways of thinking. (this is coming at it from a more psychological viewpoint.)
2) According to Willard in "Rennovation of the Heart", all of us have been spiritually formed in good and bad ways and discipleship is to be transformed back to our original created selves. When it comes to ministry, all of us have been formed. Some of us have embraced certain traditions, assumptions, worldviews and church forms that we have no need to question/threaten but rather to just work the plan because there is still a LARGE amount of people going to churches on Sunday mornings and its a harvest. Some of us have been formed by painful negative experiences in church that have led us on journeys to question everything, go back to the Scriptures and try to figure out what the Kingdom that Jesus was talking about means and re-discovering ancient forms of Christianity that have been lost through the years, particularly in mainstream evangelicalism. (simplicity, community, availability, vulnerability, monasticism, contemplative prayer etc.) We speak, feel and react out of our formative experiences giving us our present worldview.
3) The 2 very general worldviews described above are strikingly different in a host of ways. They don't see the world the same way, they don't speak the same language, they share and practice different values and they have contrasting assumptions about the world they live in. They read the Gospels of Jesus to different conclusions. They define and practice evangelism with completely different styles. These worldviews are clashing in many private and sometimes public ways. And if Chuck Killian, one of my seminary professors is right (a prof. with whom I had epic battles with), he said, "ministry happens on the other side of tension", then this clash is a good thing for the Church, let's not run from it.
4) Experientially speaking, I have been in thousands of these conversations about this divide as its a part of my story. I grew up and was formed in category one and have grown through the desert to be formed into category two. (that's desert, not dessert) And in all of these conversations, I can make one emphatic statement, I haven't met one inherently evil person yet and I have found each to be passionately in love with the Christ. Now there are hundreds of things I question about motives, traditions, modern forms, power, control, hierarchy, money, pastoral roles, ego, etc. etc. but have not yet found one person to be inherently evil. Now I have been accused of the following, heretic, not saved, liberal, off the edge, misfit, angry, non conformist, "out there", different, an enigma and my personal favorite "wreaking of postmodernism" :) But I have found all of these comments to be evident of the language barrier between these 2 worldviews and the passions we have towards the ministries we have gravitated towards. And not one person is speaking outside of their own experience of Christ.
5) Out of my worldview and philosophy of ministry, I do believe that form is very influential on function. I won't go as far as to say that it "dictates" function, but it does highly influence it. The systems we create generate certain behaviors. Our systems are fueled by our formations and theolgies and the way we see the world. All of us who are intentionally doing something in ministry are thinking and acting within a form of system. For some it may be tradtiional/seeker/emergent, for others it may be organic/relational/monastic but its a system nonetheless and they all generate certain behaviors. Yes, the Spirit redeems, inspires, moves within, corrects faulty assumptions and can genuinely empower his ministry of reconciliation in either system. (my peeps are going to hate me for using the word "system" so bring it on)

I'm not sure I've said anything new here or if I've made it as clear as mud, but its stuff I've been thinking about (yes, out of my worldview). Feel free to push back, I can take it. Besides, I already assume your not evil :)


Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,

Not a Banner Weekend

Left work early on Friday and then proceeded for the next 24 hours to have a fever that I could not get under control. Was up all night on friday and later the day on Saturday it started getting worse. At about 8:00, Nicki checked my temperature and I was approaching 105 degrees and had sustained that for about 30 hours. So we loaded up the car with the kids and headed to the only thing that was open, the E.R. I felt like I was going to lose consciousness in the waiting room. I had about 3000 mg. of aspirin in me and that finally broke my fever. After an hour of sweating it out profusely (sorry for the details) they hooked me up to an I.V. to stop the dehydration and administer stronger anti-biotics. After 2 hours of IV, they let me go home. The diagnosis: Strep throat combined with a nasty sinus infection. My sicknesses tend to be like my personality, all or nothing. I can't just get the sniffles, I have to go to the ER with a 105 fever. I scared my wife and kids, they don't like seeing me that sick. Trying to do nothing but rest, drugs and NFL football today. (sorry guys, i have to cancel student house church again, you don't want a piece of this action)

thanks for your prayers out there. all of these things have me thinking about getting this "earth suit" more healthy and taking better care of myself. My wife said this morning that her ministry is keeping me alive so that I can affect others (or infect others) with Kingdom teaching. I like the sound of that.

peace,

umm, the "test" was to see if I could post something from my school computer because I hadn't been able to for awhile. I was not being quirky or clever, I'm not that artistic.

suffering with virus today, hoping to go home and go nite nite early.

"There is a contemplative
in all of us,
almost strangled
but still alive,
who craves quiet
enjoyment of the Now,
and longs to touch
the seamless
garment of silence
which makes whole."

-Alan P. Tory

Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,
 

 

I can never explain how the Holy Spirit works or how it ebbs and flows. All I know is that I experience it.

I was innocently listening to some i-tunes songs choosing a few I would play tonight for house church and "kabango"! The Spirit within me began to well up. I don't what its like for you but here's what I feel. My abdomen area begins to tremble, my heart gets caught in my throat, if I allow it I would start to weep, my mind gets captured to some higher place and ALL i want to do is worship, or be quiet, or lament in prayer, or cry out, or write. The presence stays with me awhile depending on how much I feed it. I get really reflective and can linger there for awhile. I also get really sad. Sad about the shortcomings in my life. Sad about injustices in the world I see around me. Sad about the entrenchment of the enemy amongst people I love so much. Sad about the responsibility of being a leader in a sometimes fierce battle.

I know that some of you around me are interested in the Kingdom but have never had an experience of the Spirit and I would love it if you did. Of course it can't be manufactured and can't be bought, but it is real. I watch you chase after counterfeit experiences looking for life in things that are dead and it makes me sad because I really care. I care about you, I care about your future and I want you to have an internal hope that can't be quenched. I want you to taste of water that doesn't make you thirsty anymore. I want you to eat of bread that makes other hungers seem pointless. I want you to find the reason your alive. I don't want you just to believe it, I want you to experience it, I want you to embrace it at the core of who you are. I pray the Spirit of the Lord upon you to surprise you in any way he seems fit. For some of you, its been a long time since you gave God that kind of chance and I just pray for you to dream again.

I also seem to in these times have random memories that need to be dealt with. While driving by myself tonight I was reminded of a 19 year old guy named "Wayne" who came to me in tears after hearing me preach a sermon entitled "Where do I go?" about 8 years ago. He was a hard kid, active in drugs and sexual relationships and he came to me completely broken. Through his tears he looked at me as if I had the very words of life. I did what I then knew how to do, I led him in a prayer of salvation. I had no idea how else to help him. I offered him no community and no ongoing apprenticeship to Jesus. How the hell can I preach about such words and have no clue what to do if someone actually took me up on the issue???? I never saw Wayne again. I have no idea what he's up to. I did hear that a couple weeks later he was back at his old lifestyle. I don't know why I had this memory but in the quiet of this night I say, "I'm sorry, Wayne, I was yet blind myself."

peace to you and your house tonight,

been having the hardest time with blogs. I've lost 3 of them in the past week. I think the only place I can blog from is home now so they may not be as frequent.

I got "that" look today. You know the one. The one where someone stares at you because you might have horns growing out of your head. It was in the midst of a conversation where this person was trying to persuade me to teach or lead in a certain way and there was agenda behind it. The inference was that if I taught Christianity in a more simplistic way (i.e. get them saved) then behavior would follow. I said, "Just for the record, I never talk about heaven or hell". There was the "look" and a gasp. Rather, I continued, I try to focus on the Gospel and Transformation. Now to be fair to this individual, its not their fault, they were reacting out of their worldview. This just seems to be the point for me. The reason I have an audience with students is because I focus on the Gospel of the Kingdom and call that out in those I teach. I am not seeking external behaviors, I'm seeking internal transformations. And if the Spirit does the work of transformation, then what follows is a life of loving God and neighbor. This is my 14th year in ministry to students and forgive me if I'm cynical of the "getting saved/walk the aisle/throw your stick in the fire/rededicate your life" one-time decision. I'm looking long term, focusing on living and loving, rather than being entertaining and emotional. The Gospel matters at the intersection of life and students know what a counterfeit smells like.

I got back to working out today, will be lifting and running after school. Let's just say that I'm not 19 anymore, no matter how hard I try.

peace,

you know the drill, i had a long, involved blog and before I could copy it or post it, I lost it.

How long oh Lord do I need to wait til Friday?

1st day of school today, of course i managed to get sick a couple days ago so I can feel like crap the first few days. but being the trooper that I am, I'll ramp up slowly.

news is that Bean will be in town come friday, the weekend is looking tasty.

peace,

Becca Mcgillivary has arrived as well. Mom and baby are doing well. Begin prayers for the recovery.

Jude Michael Long has arrived as of 5:45 a.m. 8 lbs., 20 inches long. Joe has a threesome of boys on his hands, all future Bengal fans.

Within an hour or so, we expect the arrival of Becca McGillivary. They will share the same birthday. But yet another reason to throw a party.

Here's today's Finan reading which is so appropriate:
"Matthew had met Jesus and wanted all his friends to meet the Master too. What could he do? He could do the one thing he really knew how to do well - he could throw a party. People always enjoyed his parties. So he threw a big party and invited everybody - Jesus could do the rest.
Why can we not just do the same - lay aside time-consuming religious activities, and spend time with people we like, instead?"

sounds good to me :)

Things I learned on my trip to Europe:
1) Its wise for apostles to travel in teams
2) My life is full of counterfeits (idols) that are cheap imitations for the real thing
3) The U.S. is largely blamed for the world's problems
4) Vastly in Church history we have placed high value on physcial space and low value on personal transformation
5) The U.S. is 100 years behind in the movement known as post-modernity (and I'm glad about that)
6) Its hard to find models of people doing community and mission simultaneously
7) The world is a beautiful place for those who have eyes to see it
8) I'm so thankful to have a time in my summer where I could be quiet and just let the wind hit my face. Sometimes you just need to reflect on the fact that you're alive and be reminded of why that's true.

Things I'm thinking about:
1) I have passions and creativities in me that are crying out for an outlet but I haven't found their usefulness yet. If I were an artist I would paint. If I were a musician, I'd write a song. I don't know what my medium is, but some truths are groaning in my belly.
2) I am to focus on remaining "in Christ" and greater transformations of my soul will happen. There are some giants in my life that need a few smooth stones to the forehead.
3) How can a suburban extrovert practice monking in the real world? (baby steps, baby steps)
4) There are atleast 2 different gospels represented in the church today. (its becoming evident that its more than models, styles and forms)
5) that I long to see his Kingdom come to earth again, more and more. that the Kingdom is an unstoppable force that can't be mocked or distracted. It is ultimate reality, we adjust to its flow.

Things I'm praying for:
in the next 24 hours, 2 of my best friends are welcoming new babies into his Kingdom on earth. Please pray for Paul and Nicki McGilivary and Joe and Julie Long.

peace,

im home and safe but am jet lagging pretty badly. will reflect some more eloquently when I get my sea legs underneath me again.

peace for now,

ok, here's my last blog from England. we took a train to Cambridge today and saw one of the world's most famous universities and a very cool town to boot. i can't really communicate how tired we are. our knees are buckling, our joints hurt, we have nothing left in the reserves. the both of us got pretty dehydrated yesterday, it was 90 degrees and we were out all day walking. we cramped up pretty bad last night in bed and had nausea due to the lack of water. we buy bottled water just about everytime we see it but can't keep up with our bodies sweating. we will not backpack down to near Gatwick airport for a night of sleep and then home at last at 10:30 a.m.

this trip has been such a blessing. ive learned alot. ive listened to Abba whisper to me some instructions. ive experienced much. thank you to my wife especially for letting me go and be gone so long.
pray for our trip home, can't wait to see y'all. maybe friday night will have to be a bbq and missionary slide show. i have 200 digital pics to share.

rounding 3rd and heading for home,
marsh

had a lovely night stay in our priceline hotel in london last night. clean bed, clean shower, air conditioned room, only one roomate . . . it was a welcomed holiday. after checking in, taking a 2 hour nap and getting a shower, we went out to the town. the subway here works great, can take you anywhere at anytime. nothing is more than 10 minutes away. we saw Big Ben, Parliament, Westminster Abbey, the millenium wheel, piccadilly circus, leicester square and trafalgar square all last night. ate a nice italian meal on an outside table and hit a pub called the "Porcupine" for a pint and then brought a pizza back to the room after midnight. pray for mark, he has a cold/bug that is really bothering him but he is pushing through.

we're headed to Hyde Park today to rest and read in the park, listen in on the famous "speaker's corner" and maybe hit the British museum. tommorrow we hit Cambridge to visit the university and then finally making the flight back over the pond home on tuesday morning. the trip has been fun, fascinating at times, exhausting and stretching, inspired and filled with culture. but home is calling me, i'm ready.

peace to you today,

not much to say tonight, we're in manchester, england. we're not very impressed with this city. we have found ourselves completely exhausted. we have done so much walking these past few days and its gotten to us. i'm also done with staying in youth hostels with other people i don't know or trust, i have realized how much i love my own space on this trip. i'm missing simple comforts. tommorrow we are heading right to london via train and check into our hotel for a long nap and hot shower. we are really grossly dirty and smelly, walking, sweating and no laundry in sight. hopefully the other 14 people staying in our dorm room tonight will not be as loud and drunk as the past couple nights around the hostels.

i'll keep ya posted.

peace to you tonight,

arrgghh, me maties! I'm writing you a report from the highlands of Scotland, through the dense fog and one can spot pirates all about town (so shimber me timbers).

sorry for the delay in blogs, but i had a long one posted and the internet cafe computer crashed at the end, so i didn't have the energy to repeat it. our 2nd day of teaching in ukraine did not go as well. it became clear that palmer and i represented a different gospel than the one they were looking for. the local pastors were adamant about wanting $$ for new buildings and had enough of this house church stuff. we kept talking about being small, simple, relational and authentic followers, they wanted a magic pill to get their people to give more and getting more americans over there to do the work. i hosted a panel discussion for open questions, it turned into a train wreck. ironically, that morning at 6:15 a.m., the Spirit woke me up and had me read from Matthew 9 where Jesus said "don't worry if they hate you, they hated me first".

We then headed off to Northumbria Christian Community for 2 days. let's just say that the place is holy. we stayed in a guestroom in the tower that dates back to the 14th century, that's the 1300's folks!!!! we participated in morning prayers, evening prayers, nightly canticles and common meals. we took a day on holy island to visit the abbey of st. cuthbert and feel the unbelievalbe scenary of northern england. you can only access this place at low tide, how cool is that?

we are now in edingburgh, Scotland and it is the most amazing architecture city i have ever been in. breathtaking at all times, really, really, old and creepy-like spooky at night. we caught an interesting comdedian last night and had a couple pints of local tastes. today we will go to a live theatre re: the columbine shootings, then some souveneir shopping (the pipes are already purchased, fellas) then to another comdeic live theatre act, dinner at a pub, another comdedian later on, smoke a cuban cigar then to a club featuring music from 80's rock bands. tommorrow we get on a train and go to Manchester, England for a hostel and some used record stores. Our final few days are in oxford, london and cambridge.

i miss my family more and more everyday now. i want to hold them, badly. i'm actually hoping these next few days go quickly. i also miss my spiritual family, ordinary community. while away i realize how much of my identity is wrapped up in them. church is truly not somewhere you go, its a people you belong to.

much love,
marsh

Privit! (Ukrainian for Greetings)

Palmer and I landed safely on Kiev soil after a 3 hour delay of our plane in London. Pretty smooth trip, let's just say it was good that us behemoths got exit row seats for each flight (thank you Jesus). The best line of that day was when we checked the flight boards to see what gate our Ukraine airlines flight left from, the board listed it as "wait in lobby".

We slept in the hotel last night rather soundly, its 7 hour difference from Ohio so the first night is important to get sleep. We spend all day with Ukranian pastors as the key speakers at their annual conference. Its funny, cuz its usually an American version of "church growth" kind of stuff, but 3 of us are all a part of leading house churches so it was not typical. All 4 lectures today were on spiritual formation and not how to easily grow your church through marketing schemes kind of stuff. In particular, Palmer brought the tasty stuff and it brought loads of questions from the crowd. He shared on prayer, community and hospitality, it was the highlight of my day. My favorite question was a guy who asked what book he got his model from. Palmer was nice though, and didn't give the obvious answer "errr, the Bible".

We have one more half day of teaching tommorrow then will be hanging with my sister church here in Kiev for 2 days. Palmer and I both will be speaking to their church community on Sunday morning (of which we were informed of today) but I'm not sure what we''ll be speaking on. The life of a traveling apostle is all about being on the spot. time in Kiev is good, but its an understatement to say that we can't wait to go to Northumbria and the rest of England.

peace,

Palmer will arrive at my home any minute now and we will depart for the Cincy airport. Sitting here, I'm realizing that my expectancy is very high. Its a combination of many things. 1) I love to travel, to taste new cultures, to have an adventure 2) I'm expecting to meet my God in solitude 3) I'm expecting to make a Kingdom impact 4) I'm looking forward to being with my friend Palmer, his depth and humility challenge me

As I sat here, Celtic Daily Prayer is here on my desk because it didn't make the cut as I packed for space reasons. (instead im bringing a pocket celtic prayer book given to me by Rains a year ago). I flipped through it and found this prayer for traveling. Let this be my prayer:

"Peace between me and my God.
May I tread the path to the gates of glory.
Rule this heart of mine that it be only Yours.
God's path would I travel, my own path refuse.
May I tread the path to the gates of glory."

Godspeed and protection be ours.

peace,

Final preparations for Europe pilgrimmage 2004 are coming together as we depart tommorrow evening. I will try and blog as much as I can with Internet cafe visits, I'm sure there will be much to report. We will be gone July 28 - August 10 We will be visiting the countries of Ukraine, England and Scotland. I'm most looking forward to visiting Northumbria Community on Holy Island off the coast of northern England. They are trying to workout new forms of celtic monasticism on property that dates back to ancient monasticism. I'm looking forward to dialoguing with them and telling stories of our attempts to be monking in the real world here in the states. That will also be a time of quiet, solitude and prayer.

books in my backpack:
- Lonely planet guidebook to Britain
- my journal
- pocket version of The Message
- Rennovation of the Heart, by Dallas Willard
- The Challenge of Jesus by N.T. Wright
- Celtic Daily Prayer

goals in my heart:
-I want to listen to Abba's voice
-I want to pray by name for my spiritual community
-I want to share the Kingdom
-I want to see the beauty of a culture outside my own
-I want to be an encouragement to all I come into contact with
-I want to experience soul quiet

I leave you with a Celtic prayer by Carmina Gadelica:
"May God make safe to you each step,
May God make open to you each pass,
May God make clear to you each road,
And may he take you in the clasp of his own hands."

Peace of Christ upon you all,

Church signs crack me up and cause me nausea all at the same time. They are so revealing about our theologies and the things we value. There is a church I pass everyday to get in and out of my neighborhood and there are some classics.

Today was no different. It reads "Exposure to the Son can prevent burning!"
A classic line of the reductionist gospel. What it all boils down to is avoiding hell, thats the sum total of Christianity. Does it matter that Jesus hardly ever talked about hell? Does it matter that there are 174 (give or take 1 or 2) other more prominent topics/themes in the Scriptures than a place called hell that non-beleivers go to after they die? I am convinced that hell is a reality, but is largely a mystery as to what its like or what it means. How did such a minor theme in Christianity become the main point? When Jesus is pressed to get to his point, he stands up and delivers the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7, arguably his most crucial teaching. And the gist of this teaching is on becoming people of the Kingdom, living in the Way. If we were supposed to reduce all of Christianity to avoiding hell, how come Jesus didn't address it in his teachings? For that matter, we no little of what heaven will be like. Most of our imagery is purely speculative. N. T. Wright suggests that western Christianity follows Plato's dualism which is a separation of the spiritual and the physical. That the physical is evil and the spiritual is good. Therefore, hate this world and long for the perfect spiritual world to come. Rather than embracing this Creation, that the Kingdom has alredy come amongst us (in Jesus the Christ) and that we are to long to be agents of Redemption here as we are transformed into Kingdom people. The future hope has already come but it involves dying to self and we don't like that much. We want to dream of a place where we are given riches and live in mansions, where Jesus comes for those of us he loves and damns the sinners we never liked much anyway (insert sarcasm). We need to embrace a Creation that is pre-Plato where there is no separation of the body and the spirit, but rather we are one. They both need to be redeemed and transformed and embraced.

Hell is a life that is lived outside of the Way, Heaven is a life of communing with Christ and one another. We have glimpses of that in this side of eternity. For me, eternity is the fullness of the Way and hell is some dimension of separation from the Father. Just my own speculation. Of course I'm awaiting comments from those of you who have it all figured out : )

peace,

ok, I'm back from the family travels and let's just say its good to be home. Always a highlight is spending time with my wife and kids, especially since I'll be leaving them again soon. We did the Philly Zoo, cheesesteaks on south street, saw the ships at Penn's landing, went to the NJ shore, walked the boardwalk, ate boardwalk junk food (yes, another cheesesteak), chilled out at my brother's house for a couple days, spent the night at a hotel in downtown pittsburgh with a pool, Pirates game on monday night with $1 hotdogs (my family consumed a cool dozen) and now we're home.

One week from this evening, Palmer and I get on our first of 4 flights for a 13 day spiritual pilgrimmage. 5 days in the Ukraine teaching church planters, then 8 days in England and Scotland for quiet retreat, reading, writing and some good times of course. Suffice to say that I'm pretty excited but I need this week to prepare. Will share more details in the next couple days.

Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today.

peace,

Will be gone for a week with my family to Philly, New Jersey and Pittsburgh to visit my Dad and Brother. Looking forward to some concentrated family time before I depart for Europe for 2 weeks. I'm just not looking forward to my 10 hour drive tommorrow.

peace,

** Disclaimer **
I am about to give my opinion after watching Michael Moore's film Farenheit 9/11 and some of the issues that arise around it. If this will get you too riled up, please discontinue reading.

1) On a scale of 1-10, the movie gets a 3 overall (1 for footage, 1 for satire and 1 for soundtrack).

2) This movie is sophomoric in its attempt to make a point. He showed no restraint in making potshots, no discipline for arousing the jeers of an audience. It was a really un-intelligent attempt at a documentary. He does call it a "satire documentary" which I assume means take it as entertainment because it was by no means a documentary. It was 2 hours of the same stuff you can find in a 30 second T.V. spot on why not to vote for Bush.

3) I was really disappointed with the juvenile nature of his argument given the serious issues. The movie portrays many deaths of human beings and the reasons behind them. That kind of subject matter deserves dignity, reverence and responsibility. The movie offered none.

4) Numerous contradictions in rationale. He says that Bush spends too much time on vacation while at the same time arguing that he is a driven war monger. He says that the gov't spends too many resources through the patriot act infringing on our rights while at the same time pointing out that we don't spend enough resources on protecting our country leaving us vulnerable. That the Republicans and those in power have a lot of $ and can't understand the plight of the common man while not stating that of course Kerry and Edwards are both millionaires themselves.

5) Blatant racism. He suggests that he is standing up for the viewpoints of black america but treats with extreme satire the perceptions of other nations. He dehumanized the people of Costa Rica, Iceland and Morrocco with wide-brushed stereotypes to make his satirical point. I found this to be one of his largest hypocrisies.

6) Promoted the American ideal of entitlement. He suggests that we should offer military service and the benefits of job and education that come along with it without the threat of serving in a war. That somehow we are entitled to an American life without the threats of staying free or working hard for it. I believe that "entitlement" may be one of the root causes of the destruction of America. By the way, this is why I vote. Because I don't believe that I am entitled to the life I live but rather I have responsibilities that come along with my freedoms and my global-relative comfortable way of life. I continually vote for a small gov't that is big on personal responsibility.

7) No real prescription, just satirical description. The film offered no suggestions but perhaps the inference to vote against Bush in November. For what? For more of the same? You see, I'm not Republican, Democrat or Independent. I vote for the candidate who most closely resembles my economic philsophy. Its not about haves and have nots, its about consistent values at every level. I believe in hard work, determination and personal responsibility. So I vote for those who are small gov't. and yet compassionate. My cynicism tells me to vote economics because all the pomp and circumstance is really about $$, not people or platforms. So I prefer for the $$ to go to people and I'll roll my dice there.

8) My one agreeing point is the lack of credibility in going to war with Iraq. But not for the conspiracy theories that Moore tries to piece together. I never liked the decision to go to Iraq, I have always viewed it as an unjust war. It is eerily similar to Vietnam. I am very sorry that soldiers and civilians have lost their life there. I am pro-peace. I do believe that (forgive me pacifist brothers) there is such a thing as justified war, but Iraq doesn't fit the description. And yes, I do find it conflicting to be a follower of Jesus and someone who can support an atrocity known as war . . . I desire peace for the nations.

So what do I prescribe? What is my hope if it isn't voting against Bush in 2004? As I've heard my bro, Palmer, say many times, "I swear singular allegiance to Jesus". Follow his Way. Die to yourself, embrace suffering, turn the other cheek, seek to create not destroy, give life don't take it away, give mercy, offer grace, love your neighbor, pay attention to your character, offer hospitality to the lonely, feed the hungry, teach the children, love goodness, seek beauty, embody hope . . . be a follower that is an ambassador to the ways of Christ. If your not a follower of the Way, ask Him for the grace to start that journey. I swear my allegiance to a risen Christ, and you can document my life for evidence.

peace to your journey today,

42-Foot Jesus Draws Attention Along I-75

That's right folks, just up the street from our house, they are building a 42 foot statue of Jesus off of Intersate 75 in front of Solid Rock Church. 42 feet, that's just short of 5 stories tall.
Here's some info. from the paper: "Bobby Pelleteri spent two days hauling the 13-foot head for the Jesus statue through five states. Even though he got a lot of looks along the road he called the job a blessing. "It's a statue of our lord, Jesus. You don't get to do that every day. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," Pelleteri said. Designed by an artist in Knoxville and built in Jacksonville, Florida, out of styrofoam and fiberglass, the statue will be placed next to the church's new amphitheater. Once erected at Solid Rock Church, it will stand 42 feet high with a 40 foot armspan. "One of the reasons Solid Rock exists is to let people know that God loves them. What greater symbol than the King of Kings for people who drive by and see it there's hope? Whatever circumstances they're in, they'll see that there's hope for them," said Ron Carter of Solid Rock Church.

I know, I know, Philippians 1 says that regardless of the motive, atleast Christ is preached, right? Paul says, "I've decided that I really don't care about their motives, whether mixed, bad, or indifferent. Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on!"

But a 42 foot Jesus deserves some blog fodder. Here are some questions. Do we even know what Jesus looked like to project his image? What is the qualitative moral difference between Nebechadnazzar's Babylonian Idol and our 42 foot Jesus? Do 42 foot sculptures communicate hope and love? Is it easier to build replicas of Jesus or to follow him? If this isn't one, then what is a graven image that we are supposed to avoid according to out other great moral hope, a visibly displayed list of the 10 commandments? Which one of Jesus' teachings implore us to invest our resources into statues of himself? This is eerily similar to my experience studying in Israel and Palestine watching people worship the stones instead of realizing that He called us to be living stones. Why aren't we content to trust God and live out his Kingdom way of life? Why do we need a concrete reminder? Isn't this why the Israelites built their idols in the desert? Because they stopped trusting God and wanted to compete with their pagan neighbors who had idols they could see and touch? And it wasn't enough for them to put their trust in an unseen God. The idea of being a marginalized people was not their idea of big fun. So as Moses was communing with Yahweh, they built an idol. I am in no way dropping prophetic judgment on Solid Rock, I'm not that smart or super-spiritual enough for that. I'm just wondering as a Christ follower who is finding peace the more I understand that to become less is to become more in Kingdom economy.

I can't help but wonder if the Jesus that I am striving to be transformed into is the same one who is standing 5 stories tall by my house.

peace to you and your house today,

my blog creativity must be on summer vacation too . . .

Went down to Lexington last night to hang out with the Creecher and had a good time. Some pizza and wings, a couple pints at McCarthy's Irish pub and then to Common Grounds for coffee and open mic. night. Some of the musicians/artists were good, some were, well, in my estimation, not good. I suppose though that art is all relative right? Just because I thought it wasn't quality doesn't mean someone else with different brain cells might see it as art. I can appreciate art, but its not a culture I could live in. My borderline type A personality would not be welcomed in that sub-culture. The song that got the biggest crowd reaction last night implored us in the chorus to "make pizzas, not nuclear bombs". That's advice you just don't get everyday and something I'm gonna keep in mind this week.
I do appreciate different cultures though, I love the diversity, what makes them tick. Even in the art/indy sub-culture, the focus is on the individual but there are definitely themes of conformity amongst them. Their anti-mainstream tastes in appearance are similar to one another, so is it really a rebellion against the "Man" or just another form of conformity? They were sandal wearing, hippie sounding, folk singing, love promoting, coffee drinking, anit-war enthusiasts (of course they were more than that, I'm just creating my own generalization with labels) But is that a bad thing? I mean, our community is within a distinct culture and our culture helps give us an identity. An identity that is larger than ourselves, you see, I'm pretty against the hyper-individualism thing. Our culture helps us understand story, the story we find ourselves in. It helps us make sense of the world we live in and the future we're heading into. If all I have to go on is "being my own person", well, that's pretty shallow. I don't want to be the center of my worldview, that's pretty pathetic. I want to know and be known in the context of that Story. The Kingdom Story that gives me identity and meaning, gives me room to be creative, gives me a fight to wake up to in the morning. Jesus' story makes sense to me. Abba is the center of my identity. The community of genuine followers of Jesus are to whom I belong. All my contentment and purposes are found in Him. Death to self is my marching orders today, as is everyday that I decide to take up my cross and follow.
I hope you find a Story that you belong to today.

peace,

Holy exhaustion, Batman! I've been procrastinating on a job for almost a year. Friends of ours offered us their swingset and mega-cool fort if we came to their house, took it apart and hauled it to our own yard. I did the swingset last summer and the fort has been hanging over my head since last 4th of July. I spent 9 1/2 hours on Saturday tearing this beast apart with the hope of putting it back together again. Spent 7 hours today hammering my brains out to put it back together in a secure fashion. The job is done. I have about 7 blisters on my hands but it looks pretty good if I do say so myself. I added a tarp roof for good measure. Fireman's pole, rope ladder, climbing rope, slide, sandbox, roofed fort and 4 swings. Can't wait to hear which of my kids will be the first one to say "I'm so borrrrrred". I'll start telling stories of how I use to have to walk to a park up hill both ways when I wanted to swing or slide. Oh well, i have that 'good' kind of tired and sore thing happening. I thought school teachers were just supposed to sit on their butts and watch soap operas in the summertime? i hope your back feels better than mine.

peace,

Been doing lots of homework for the Europe trip and the skeleton plan is set as follows:
July 28 - direct overnight flight to London from cincy
July 29- fly from London to Kiev, Ukraine
July 30-31 - teach at pastor's conference in Ukraine
Aug. 1 - Hang out with missional community in Kiev
Aug. 2- Fly to London in the morning, travel via train to Northumbria Community (Celtic new monasticism)
Aug. 3 - Day of solitiude and retreat at Northumbria Community
Aug. 4- train to Edingburgh, Scotland stay at hostel
Aug. 5 - free day in Scotland, stay at hostel
Aug. 6 - train to Manchester, England, visit record stores, stay in hostel
Aug. 7 - train to Cambridge, visit University, train to London, stay in 4 star (priceline) hotel
Aug. 8 - free day in London, stay with Paul McGillivary's family in Hethfordshire, England
Aug. 9 - train to Oxford, visit University and famous pubs of C.S. Lewis and Tolkien, stay in Hethfordshire
Aug. 10- train to London and fly home to Cincy on direct flight

umm . . . I am really excited. I pray this is a true spiritual pilgrimmage for Palmer and I. That we experience the Kingdom in different cultures and give it away to everyone we come into contact with. and . . . errr . . . the pubs probably won't be bad either :)

peace,

Been getting lots of "thank you" cards from students who graduated this year and some of them remind me why I'm in this fight to begin with.

"Thank you for all you've taught me this year, I've learned so much from you. In the past year my desire to learn more about God, read the Bible, and develop my own opinions has grown. Thank you for showing me that following a bunch of rules doesn't mean I love God, and for showing me Jesus Christ loves me. Thanks again for everything. I think I am finally beginning to understand what a relationship with Jesus is."

By definition, Jesus draws and His Kingdom is a virus that cannot be contained. I'm content to be a carrier of that virus.

Stop and notice the Kingdom around you today,

What a good day. Made some bookings for the Europe trip. Palmer and I will be staying 2 nights at Norhtumbria Christian Community in north England and then moving from there for 2 nights in Edinburgh, Scotland at a hostel. Have more work to do planning the rest of the trip, but the 1st half is now in stone.

Met up with Johnson from Veritas for a pre-dinner showing of "Saved". It has a lot of parallels to my day job. I didn't know whether to laugh at it or just feel really sad that its close to the reality of a Christian High School. I imagine there are many out there in the sub-culture of Christian enterprise that are not thrilled with this flick. However, I didn't like the quality of the movie. I give it 1 1/2 stars. Or maybe it just means that I'm too old to appreciate it.

Had fight club dinner with Rains, Klinefelter and Johnson yet again. Really good conversation about our thoughts on local gatherings, regional gatherings and national gatherings. And it looks as if the Bishop down in Fla. is on the same page as us in his thinking. We need another missional community (christian) love fest so we can all enjoy the company again. I'm always up for a Kingdom party and am missing many of you whom I haven't seen in awhile (bishops, kecks, evans, miah, michigan crew, PA folks, Hunter etc. etc.)

After more conversation and coffee at barnes and noble, Johnson and I headed back to the theater for the 2nd part of our double feature. We saw "The Terminal" with Tom Hanks. Now that's a quality movie. I give it 3 1/2 stars. Fun characters, good story, well made, great pace, good villain and the eastern european accent made me think about going to the Ukraine in about a month.

peace to you and your house tonight,

just so you know that I'm still alive and kicking, I'll leave a short post. It seems that I don't sit down long enough to blog in the summertime, not sure why. I have all the time in the world, I just don't feel like it. And if you know me well enough, if I don't "feel" like it, I don't do it. One of my downfalls. One of them :)

Had a great Father's Day, steak lunch then off ot 18 holes of golf at the in-laws Country Club. Did not shoot very good, but what can I expect for the first time out this season. I would love to golf more, but I need partners and $ to do so. Neither seem to be happening soon. Sunday night group turned into a roundtable around the fire til midnight. This is the real stuff. Real confessions, real conversations, real passions in life, real community. It means a lot to me that my home is a space where teens can find their faith again amidst histories of legalism and shameful rejections. The Kingdom of God just makes so much sense and I believe the only way to find that reality is through the only gate, Jesus the Christ and a relationship with Him. I know it sounds so basic, but that's where the beauty lies. I pray these guys take their hunger for the Kingdom reality to its fullest extent, I'll hang around to influence them in that direction.

Much family time in the summer and that's a good thing. Today, Ali and I will head out for something to do besides just errands. Let's see what happens.

Am doing tons of planning and researching for Scotland/England with Palmer. Getting really stoked about it, I can't believe we will be taking a pilgrimmage in just a few weeks. Lining up housing and what area we'll be in on what days. The rest of the details are God's for us to find out.

Went out with Rains on Friday night cuz he found a place downtown advertising "free hookah after 9:00". Once the bell chimed 9:00 p.m., we waltzed in and got a table. Had some really good arabic dishes and the fine flavor of apple hookah. It turns out this place was owned by a Palestinian Christian family as they don't sell beer but promote dancing and smoking. There was a graduation party going on in another section with a D.J. and multi-generational dancing. Real dancing that everyone can enjoy and participate in, not the bump and grind caveman crap! So I guess the evangelical tradition of no drinking, no smoking and no dancing actually doesn't harken back to 1st century Palestinian culture. I guess those laws don't originate with Jesus but with the onset of modernism as played out in the Holiness and Fundamental movements. When you get some perspective in the world or history, American evangelicalism just looks silly sometimes. Nevertheless, conversation with Rains is always a good time to dream, challenge and dream some more. I can't get enough of it. And the fact that we found an arabic christian place with free hookah is just surreal. It seems that most of out time together eventually leads to the surreal. Life is good.

peace,

Lots going on.
1) Happy 31st Birthday today to my wife Nicki. What can I say, she's the total package. I married over my head.
2) Had lunch with Palmer yesterday to plan our retreat time in England and Scotland this summer. More on this to come.
3) BBQ tonight. The Bests are coming down from Michigan for the weekend so you can be sure we will be watching the Pistons beating the Lakers again on Saturday night.
4) Sunday is the celebration of Ordinary Community's 3rd birthday, we are having a large gathering at a wooded property nearby with an open indoor space we use. We are baptizing 5 children and perhaps one baby dedication. As well we will be sharing testimony of our 3 year journey together so far, counting our blessings and looking back on the story God is writing amongst us.
5) Had my 2nd interview with Indiana Wesleyan this week, I think it went well, I'll know within a week if they are inviting me back for a 3rd interview. I'm hoping this works out as a solid part-time deal for me to go along with my day job and OCC gig.

blessings upon your weekend.

peace,

Sorry for the blogging hiatus, I've had a couple I started but never completed. School is done and I am trying to adjust to summer. Took the family to our favorite "white trash" drive-in theater last night for the new Harry Potter movie. If your wondering if I'm influencing my kids in witchcraft, know that I want them to grow up with a worldview that includes the mystical and the powers of the supernatural. The teacheable moment is that there are no neutral powers in the world, there is God and the enemy, no hocus pocus.

i need to retreat. I need to cleanse my soul. I know I have junk laying around my heart that doesn't need to be there. I want my heart to be in tune with Abba again. I want experience His presence that can only come with solitude and time spent with Him. I want to worship the way I connect with him. Usually involves some driving, some rage, some weeping, some reflecting, some prayer, some prophetic yearnings, worshipping again in thanksgiving etc. etc. Then when I'm clean, I can read his Truths and allow their power to do some foundation work within. Bread that makes your hunger go away, water that makes you forget your thirst. When I take the time to be with Him, I find that Jesus is all that he claimed to be and more. I need some time away. I have to put this intention into action.

If you haven't listened to Pedro the Lion, you need to. Palmer and Joe Long have influenced me here and its good stuff. Kind of punk, kind of melodic alternative, kind of its own thing. Honest, raw, spiritual, passionate, haunting, everything I love in good music.

peace to you and your house.

Graduation is tonight for the seniors, I'd look forward to it more if I didn't have to wear a tie :(

I'm really, really tired. Been burning the candle at both ends this week. Some of it because of responsibilities finishing the school year up, and some of it just my fault. I'm stressing financially, trying to work out as many options as possible to keep the ship afloat. I think I'm where I'm supposed to be, it just takes 3 jobs to cover it all. Sometimes that responsibility just wears on me and when $ is really tight, I feel helpless because I can't do anything more. I think I'm supposed to stay at CCS, it fits me for the time being, but its financially a real sacrifice.

I am doing odd jobs this summer for my Mom's daycares. I need to re-visit my missionary stipend from the MBC. I am in an interview process with Indiana Wesleyan University for becoming adjunct faculty teaching Bible elective night courses throughout the year and I may also have to break down and do some food service work before I leave for Europe at the end of July. Having to spend all my time working to pay bills makes me feel like I don't have any time to be creative with OCC, present with my family or present in my spiritual life. I mean, my anniversary is tommorrow and Nicki's b-day is next week and they are afterthoughts with everything else. That ain't right. Is this where I'm supposed to be? Am I working the right plan? (or are those all the wrong questions?) Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to be thankful for and have wonderful community around me. I just need to ask these questions.

I know this summer that I need to retreat and I need to read. If I only feed my extrovert animal this summer, I won't have the staying power I need to be obedient.

peace,